Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 6 of 8 FirstFirst ... 345678 LastLast
Results 51 to 60 of 74

Thread: 1st day NC

  1. #51
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,799
    Blocking him from contacting you could ease that anxiety. You would no longer be waiting for him to come back.

  2. #52
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    823
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Blocking him from contacting you could ease that anxiety. You would no longer be waiting for him to come back.
    That is very true. I agree. I have gone through cycles of blocking and unblocking. It's difficult when deep down I still want to see him.
    I'm trying to understand in my mind why I want to, and come to terms with the fact he obviously doesn't.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    I Can See The Sun!
    Posts
    2,515
    Gender
    Male
    You will eventually as time passes and the day to day takes over....

    Sending You Strength*

    Carus*

  4. #54
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    823
    Gender
    Female
    So... *deep breath* I broke no contact *face palm*.
    I know I know... stupid.
    2 months and I kind of reached out.


    I'll try and keep it short.
    Due to his work, he has knowledge and access to supplements and holistic therapies etc.
    Due to my recent hospital visits, my dr gave me loads of paperwork to read etc, and amongst this paperwork it advised me to take a certain type of vitamin.
    I looked online and they looked really expensive. So I tried the local health shop, but they had no idea and couldn't help. Then I tried the pharmacy but they told me they had to order them in. They never arrived and were told they had no stock to order.


    In the end, I sat with the phone in my hand for like 15 minutes, staring at it, thinking 'should I call and ask him? what if he has the answer?'
    If he doesn't answer, then at least I tried. If he does, I can just ask, get my answer and move on.


    So... he answers. He sounds surprised but really happy to hear from me.
    I asked if he was at home and free for a moment. He said yes. So I skipped anything else and went straight to the question.
    He asked who they were for. I said myself. He asked why I needed them. I vaguely told him why. He asked me to tell him what happened. So I told him about the hospital visit and results and what the doctors said etc etc.


    He is listening, but doesn't really let me finish properly. He interrupts me and tell me the doctors are wrong. That I don't need the vitamins, and that the only reason I was ill at all was that I have blocked emotions and need to release them and this is why I had the health issues.
    I tried to explain that no, I had biopsies taken, and I have been diagnosed with a real condition that I need to address and may have medication for.


    Again, he dismisses this and says Doctors don't really know that much, that I need his help to release the blocked emotions I have.
    He then asks me... 'Have you been feeling emotional or stressed recently?'
    Like... what?
    I said of course I have. Why?
    He asks why I am stressed and emotional.
    I told him it was 'personal reasons'. I didn't want to admit to him about how bad I've been since the breakup.


    He re-words it and says. 'Apart from the us situation, what other major stress have you had?'.
    I went quiet and I just said no other stress really. That was it. But that I was much better recently (lie).
    He then told me I should book an appointment with his colleague who is an acupuncturist etc and he will advise me what to do next and that if he is advised to, he will also give me some treatments to help me 'release' my emotions etc etc.
    Then he said that he will always help me whenever I need it because 'I still care about you despite what happened'.


    I was getting irritated at this point. I didn't comment on the above. I asked how he family was and his work and he talked another 20 minutes about his job and his career aspirations blah blah.
    He told me he was going to the gym still 3 times a week. That he was thinking he should do more cardio to lose weight. I told him he doesn't need to lose weight, that he's perfect as he is. He sounded touched and said thank you.
    We small talked a little and I asked about holidays and he said he was thinking of going away in September for a holiday to Greece but wasn't sure yet. Then I remembered, he is probably still dating the girl he left me for.
    I decided to not ask anything about it, or mention anything personal at all.
    I told him thanks for the advise but could he still recommend me the site he uses for the vitamins and he said no, I don't need it.






    So it was a waste of a phone call really.
    It made me realise that he obviously hasn't missed me at all since the breakup.
    He didn't give me any indication that he even thinks of me or anything.
    I felt irritated that he just diagnosed me himself over the phone, and dismissed me doctors as quacks and that everything about my diagnosis is wrong and that I should take his advice.
    It made me realise that he's still the same and hasn't changed that much and is not the most ideal perfect god I've elevated him to in my mind.


    Yes I still miss him every day. I still cry over him. Yes I am sure he is still seeing this younger girl (although it doesn't seem serious yet), but I also realise he's still that Mr Know it all alterative therapist who just wanted to show off on the phone about how clever and knowlegable he is.


    I don't regret the phonecall. I feel a bit better knowing he doesn't hate me or have hard feelings for me. Although it does hurt knowing he seems completely indifferent to me and doesn't miss me in the slightest.


    Writing this all down helps re-enforce that he's not so perfect after all.
    Back to No Contact for me.

  5.  

  6. #55
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    58
    Originally Posted by Limiya
    He is listening, but doesn't really let me finish properly. He interrupts me and tell me the doctors are wrong. That I don't need the vitamins, and that the only reason I was ill at all was that I have blocked emotions and need to release them and this is why I had the health issues.
    I tried to explain that no, I had biopsies taken, and I have been diagnosed with a real condition that I need to address and may have medication for.


    Again, he dismisses this and says Doctors don't really know that much, that I need his help to release the blocked emotions I have.
    He then asks me... 'Have you been feeling emotional or stressed recently?'
    Okay, I'm going through my own breakup (my post is previous) and I too see someone with rose-shaded glasses and it hurts incredibly that she's seemingly done with me, so i TOTALLY get what you are going through.

    But, I can honestly tell you - from an outsider's perspective - this dude's a massive joke. You can and you will do so, so, sooo much better than that guy. If I heard someone recount this story to me in a bar on a date when we're both telling our horror stories I'd be laughing with them that some ex-boyfriend tried to gain a weird emotional upper-hand on them despite that person literally being diagnosed with something.

    He knows damn well why you are upset or stressed and he knows damn well what he is doing and I know you don't see it right now, but this guy's a bit of a clown and there are plenty of men out there who would never be so emotionally manipulative as to pretend they can diagnose over a phone - alternative or traditional; just not how it works. Especially when his "diagnosis" is just a twisted way to build his ego by confirming for himself that you're hurting over him still.

    "Besides for the 'us' thing" - yeah, F* you buddy; don't flatter yourself, she'll move on and laugh about this someday with someone a lot more deserving of her attention.

    Hang in there - get back out there when you can and watch; he'll fade into a memory as you excitedly sit near someone new who seems to be exactly what you thought this guy was; but, weirdly, is totally not him... and he's just a fading memory.

    Like you said, you've been through it before - patience. I promise, better is out there than this dude.

    Don't let him get the best of you, Hell; next time you feel the urge, turn on Foo Fighter's "Is Someone Getting The Best of You" and go do something - anything - that is productive. You sound cool, it's his loss and honestly, again, I literally know guys (myself included) who would never hold someone hostage emotionally over the phone when we broke up with them just to ego boost ourselves and pry into someone we know is hurt and more importantly, know why they are hurt.

    I'm 34, I've broken up with many people in my life; largely because I just couldn't feel "it" (until recently...womp womp) - but I would NEVER be so cruel and arrogant as that exchange he did with you sounds. You're better off; I know it isn't what you want to hear - you want him... and yes, I don't know him and maybe he is actually great and I just mis-interpreted it... but he sounds like a doofus from my seat.

    There are people and then there are your emotional attachments to people you fall for and someday your emotions will wrap around the next person; maybe not for a while but it will happen and it'll feel the same as you feel now for this guy except for someone new who will ideally be a better man.

    Hang in there, don't kick yourself over this, it'll get better...

  7. #56
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    823
    Gender
    Female
    RyanMI,

    Wow, your comment totally helped. It's so encouraging hearing your perspective.
    I did feel annoyed when I came off the phone and ranted to a friend of mine on the phone about it. She was like 'omg, he said what?'.
    It helps that other people can call out the bull that I might be too hazy to see.

    ((HUGS))

  8. #57
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    58
    Of course! Happy to help; try to picture it in the context of a movie; replace everyone with actors and you are watching a screen; now:

    Leading girl gets a diagnosis from medical professionals who prescribe her medications - she ends up calling her non-doctor ex-boyfriend that she's been dying to get over but is still struggling with and he tells her the doctors are wrong ... and then basically goes on to say it's actually because she's being emotional and must have some kind of stress, THEN inquires if the stress is "just" because she misses what a catch he knows she thought he was or if there is maybe a tiny bit more too on top? Maybe you stubbed your toe too? Stubbed it while dreaming of his beautiful eyes and muscles?? And finally, after his "diagnosis" he tells you all about his wonderful plans and his gym routine and oh, how great life is for him!

    Hahaha, seriously, That guy's not the hero or the romantic leading man in any movie, he's THAT ex-, not AN ex, he's THAT ex ... the crappy one. That's the type of clown they don't write in movies because they worry the character would come off as just too unbelievable, what given the incredible amount of clown. He's like an onion - of clown - layers of it... just so many layers...

    Your brain accidentally dropped the emotional-crush/love net over him, but honestly try to recall - you've had that net fall on other people, maybe even just a crush that you knew couldn't go anywhere and it was relatively quickly pulled back empty and cast back out again ... that's how it started with anyone you end-up with who you were attracted to.

    Okay, this time it fell on someone who was available, yet utterly undeserving; that's a pain for sure but wait for your brain to reel it back in and it'll cast it out again.

    I know you're in love, I know it's hazy now, but trust me - Mr.Doogie Howser, non-MD ain't it... sometimes the net catches the big Marlin, sometimes it falls on a carp ... in this case it sounds like it fell on a used-boot but until time allows the net to be fully reeled back in, your brain just does not fully know that.. but your friend and I sure do.

    Also, don't kick yourself for the slip-up; when I stopped smoking and I would slip, I felt like I fell to the bottom of a mountain I had struggled to get even somewhat up - but that's not the case; it's just a slip, not a fall. You're right back where you were.
    Last edited by RyanMI; 09-06-2019 at 10:46 AM.

  9. #58
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    823
    Gender
    Female
    OMG RyanMI,
    Your message has actually made me laugh out loud. I'm loving your little analogies and stories and honestly it's cheered me up so much. HAHAHA.
    You'd make a good writer, and should work in movies ;)

    Believe it or not, he called me again last night to 'check' on me. Told me he forgot to mention I should also stay away from cats because he's sure that isn't helping my allergies.
    *face palm*
    Again I couldn't believe it. What's happened to him??
    I thanked him for the advice (i'm not allergic to cats, never have been), had a little basic back n forth and after I hung up I called me friend and we laughed about it.

    Honestly, I can feel my mind slowly waking up. Your posts are just the best honestly, just what I need to hear.

  10. #59
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    58
    Originally Posted by Limiya
    Believe it or not, he called me again last night to 'check' on me. Told me he forgot to mention I should also stay away from cats because he's sure that isn't helping my allergies.
    Oh, this dude is classic! "Stay away from cats"? Hey guy, I think it's you who's chasing p**sy and failing, not Limiya. You should have told him you're not interested in "cats" but are going to be out looking for studs pretty soon the rate this is going with him.

    He's trying to gain an emotional advantage since you're actually gaining it back by seeing him in the light of what he is; a joke.

    He thinks you'll see it as him calling out of the "goodness of his heart" or whatever, but he's seeing someone else and you need to not fall for it. Manipulative dude right there and I'm sure the poor victim he's currently with would be thrilled that he's oh, so caring of your non-existent cat allergies he just had to call you to tell you about them. (Side note - DO NOT try to get her to know he's reaching out, not your place to do and you're bigger than that. She'll wise-up to his ways sooner or later, as I'd bet money you would have, had you two stayed together longer).

    If in the next few days/months he reaches out again, tell him you're doing fine and ask if he's still seeing someone - if he is, ask why exactly he's reaching out? You're not his support-buddy and you sure as Hell don't need him being yours - he's the reason you're in emotional turmoil. No one gets stabbed by a robber then hopes the robber will wait for the ambulance with them.

    Unless:
    1. There is quite literally an emergency and you are 100% needed

    2. You work together and it is professional (ugh.. my life)

    3. He's single and wants to try to mend and work through whatever; there's no other damn reason to be bothering you. You were dumped by him, not the other way around.

    You have nothing to feel sorry for and it was he who choose to hurt you when the last thing you'd have wanted would be to hurt him at that time. - who should feel apologetic in that scenario? Not you. No way in Hell.

    This means you actually have the power of the future - not him, because again, I swear to you there are plenty of guys out there and the attraction you feel for him is mainly your brain reeling it back in still. You know you've felt crazy attracted to other guys before and I promise you, you'll feel crazy attracted to guys after this one.

    But as long as he dangles around without wanting to try to fix things between you two, he's just prolonging the time it takes to reel it back and therefore keep you from moving on without actually wanting to get back together.

    Ever call a number and get put on hold? They play that awful music as you wait but if the receptionist doesn't constantly pick up the phone every now and again and say "please continue to hold" you'll just hang-up and move on. He's trying to get you to hold while he dates some girl but has no intention of getting back with you right now.

    But here's what he's miscalculating - if you don't fall for it and you vanish again into the void of his mind, you'll find aforementioned fun and awesome other guys who are better and still won't lose anything as far as "will he ever call"? He'll call or he won't, you maintaining no contact and moving on won't change it one way or another; however, it will change your perception of if or not you need him after he hurt you .

    Hard for him to hold an enchantment over you when you are slowly coming to the realization he's a joke. And again, that realization does not affect your chances of him wanting you back in the future negatively at all. But you'll finally have the power to make that decision if/when that day comes without feeling beholden to this quack. Don't be mad TO him or be vindictive or anything (privately, sure, hate his guts and get over this clown), you'll lose some of that power if you show true emotions to him. The power is in being indifferent to him - that's the goal.

    Indifference - neither love nor hate, just "eh... he's cute and we had a thing once but it didn't work out; for the best in the end, I suppose". You will get to that point with time alone and if he calls to actually try again with you, you'll have a clear head of neither dislike nor love and be able to make a rational choice for yourself on if this dude's even worth the trouble. I suspect you'll say he isn't at that time, but that's a way's off.

    So, if he calls you again, it better be for one of the three reasons I listed above otherwise he's wasting your time and needs to go bathe in herb-oils or whatever he does on his own time but stop bothering you on yours.

    You're a badass slowly getting over something horrible - he's some dude who's currently dating someone and is now calling his ex out of the blue to tell her about non-existent allergies she has and not having an actual point to his call.

    Mr. NotARealDoctor needs to go back to self-diagnosing his weird rash and leave you be while you're heartbroken from him and he's literally not single.

    Ohhhh man, you likely think I'm laying it on him to help you through this, but I am 100% serious - so much better is out there. Just give time, you'll see.
    Last edited by RyanMI; 09-06-2019 at 04:11 PM.

  11. #60
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    823
    Gender
    Female
    OMG your posts RyanMI.
    I just smile the whole way through.
    I should point out that I am no way the vindictive sort. I have no intention of letting his 'new girl' know anything about him contacting me. That's their business and I don't think he's flaunting her about at all. So no idea what's happening there.
    I really don't want conflict. I'm the type who cries and processes internally rather than lash out.

    I don't expect him to contact me for a few weeks at least. Honestly, i'm surprised he called that 2nd time at all. Just felt like it was unnecessary.
    In fact, at one point I said I thought he was calling for another reason, not about cats. He said something like 'Fine, I won't call you anymore if you don't want me to'.
    I said no, I meant I thought he was calling about something more important, that's all. Like about some research he found out or to give me the name of the vitamins I initially asked him about. He seemed a bit off by that. I mean, what?
    Told me he was looking to buy a new car, then told me what type of car he was looking for. Then told me he was going to a friends birthday party on Sunday etc.
    Like, why tell me this stuff?? I just said 'say hi to so and so for me' and to have a good time.
    At the end of the call he said 'kisses' and I said 'goodnight' and hung up.

    I just felt a little confused and irritated. But I didn't say anything sentimental or give anything away about my feelings. I didn't want to know or ask about this girl either. So I just let him do most of the talking and that was it.
    Very confusing. He made it clear he didn't want me anymore. Why not just text me that info about the cat and leave it there?

Page 6 of 8 FirstFirst ... 345678 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •