Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 7 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 64

Thread: 1st day NC

  1. #21
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    736
    As I mentioned earlier, the ex already had someone sleeping in my bed 11 days after I moved out. Granted, we were separated but legally still married. I wish I hadn't seen her "evidence" at the house. It took me so long to get over that. It haunted me day and night. I lost sleep over it also. I constantly wondered what they were doing. Why? I guess I couldn't bear the thought that I was so easily replaced and so quickly. Mind blowing, for sure. I suppose he started seeing her in June or so. Who knows how long they had been talking on-line. My son told me he met her on a dating site. I imagined them having Thanksgiving and Christmas together. We were supposed to go to Disney World in October. I imagined them going there. Guess what? They dated about two months and then she gave him the cold shoulder. I'm not ashamed to say that I was overjoyed that they broke up. Immature? Yes, but it's how I felt.

    I was so disgusted with him that I never went back to the house even though I still had more things that I wanted/needed. I didn't want to see him nor talk to him. So I never had the urge to contact him. I did have self-respect, IMO. You will get over it and as reinventmyself said, the beginning is the hardest but it will pass. I hope your birthday was nice. xx

  2. #22
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    812
    Gender
    Female
    Wow goddess, what a story.
    I was the same with my last ex. We were 6 years together and I didn't know it at the time but he left me for someone else.
    He swore blind there wasn't anyone else.
    When I found out a couple of weeks later, I was absolutely heartbroken. Within a few months they were engaged and married the following year.
    I think they're still together but I wouldn't know.

    Perhaps this breakup is bringing up old residual feelings from that. I wouldn't be surprised honestly.
    The anger took years to pass. I'm indifferent to it now.


    Anyway, I received a birthday message from my current ex this morning.
    It said the following:

    'Happy birthday (pet name)(cake emoji),
    Have a great day (kiss emoji)'

    I have archived it and ignored it for now. I don't want to address it in any way at the moment. I just want to get on with my birthday evening.
    I honestly wasn't expecting anything, but he sent it at 10am so he didn't waste any time.

  3. #23
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    736
    Originally Posted by Limiya
    Wow goddess, what a story.
    I was the same with my last ex. We were 6 years together and I didn't know it at the time but he left me for someone else.
    He swore blind there wasn't anyone else.
    When I found out a couple of weeks later, I was absolutely heartbroken. Within a few months they were engaged and married the following year.
    I think they're still together but I wouldn't know.

    Perhaps this breakup is bringing up old residual feelings from that. I wouldn't be surprised honestly.
    The anger took years to pass. I'm indifferent to it now.


    Anyway, I received a birthday message from my current ex this morning.
    It said the following:

    'Happy birthday (pet name)(cake emoji),
    Have a great day (kiss emoji)'

    I have archived it and ignored it for now. I don't want to address it in any way at the moment. I just want to get on with my birthday evening.
    I honestly wasn't expecting anything, but he sent it at 10am so he didn't waste any time.
    Hi Limiya. Sorry for not responding sooner but my son moved yesterday. My brother's MIL passed away yesterday. I've been so busy. I also need to go to the wake and funeral and it's about 4 hours on Amtrak. Then from Penn Station NYC to not even sure where.

    Well, it was certainly nice of him to send you that birthday message. Perhaps just a simple 'thank you' will suffice as an answer when you feel up to it. But, no more. Don't set yourself up for more heartbreak. You know the deal.

    I have to run. I have so much to do this weekend. Stay strong and take good care of yourself. Remember: one step at a time and let time work its magic. xx

  4. #24
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    812
    Gender
    Female
    Goddess. I'm sending lots of love your way to you and the family.
    I hope everything is ok.
    Big hugs xxx

  5.  

  6. #25
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    736
    Originally Posted by Limiya
    Goddess. I'm sending lots of love your way to you and the family.
    I hope everything is ok.
    Big hugs xxx
    Thank you very much. To you as well. Everything will be fine and it will with you too. Feel free to send me a PM anytime, OK? Big hugs xx

  7. #26
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    812
    Gender
    Female
    I'm so ashamed of myself.
    To update, I tried to just be friendly with him, and I saw him at his house last Sunday.
    We chatted and normal stuff, not about us. We hugged, and he kissed me passionately for a long time.
    I went home, feeling like there might have been some hope.
    I heard nothing from him, this sent me into a spiral and I ended up sending loads of messages just unloading my feelings etc.
    He said that he would come to mine last night and speak to me one last time about this and to tell me to my face that it's over.

    He arrived at 8, and he walked in with an angry look on his face.
    He said 'you have 5 minutes and i'm leaving'.
    He didn't hug me hello or say anything in fact.
    So I sat down and basically apologised to him for my recent behaviour, the texting, turning up at his house etc.
    I then continued by apologising for my part of the failure of the relationship and so on.
    I had to keep topping to try and compose myself.
    We were sat opposite each other at the kitchen table while I talked.

    At one point I completely broke down. He started crying too. Told me this isn't easy for him either and to stop assuming that he's fine etc.
    He discussed with me the issues he had with me during the relationship too. We talked about those.
    He softened, he held me while I cried. I didn't really mention much about his new gf. He opened up about the fact he was seeing someone but that it wasn't the reason he ended things. I told him it must help though, he agreed.
    He explained he doesn't know how things will go etc but that he does love me and he does miss me. He doesn't want to lose our friendship completely and hopes one day in the future we can be friends again.
    I cried some more. He cried some more.

    Eventually we said our goodbyes, I gave him his things he left here, and he left and didn't look back.
    I am happy we had this discussion, that I was able to end things like this instead of all the crazy messages etc I was sending. I didn't want to completely ruin and regret everything.

    I have deleted his number from my phone. I know he won't contact me again.
    I still can't believe it's over, but I know I have to do everything in my power to let him go and no more contact.

    My friend called me last night, and told me she saw him at a festival in town during the day. He was with his new gf.
    She said she look like she's in her mid 20's. Pretty, young.
    My heart broke more. I'm in my 30's and he will be 50 next year.
    No wonder he doesn't want me anymore if he's with her. She must be the pinnacle of what men want.

    I woke up for work this morning and completely broke down.
    Panic attack. Extreme heartache, everything.
    I was hoping that talk last night would have lightened it all a little bit and I could find it easier to move on and forward.
    I don't feel that at the moment.

    He looked great too. New clothes, working out, just so handsome.
    I miss him so much, and I have to realise i'll never see him ever again. I'll never be with him again.
    I feel like my life is over.
    I don't ever want to wake up.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    11,806
    I hope others read this and realize how much insisting on a "closure" meeting can hurt. It does more damage. It doesn't result in instant healing but rather makes the pain sharper.

    Please understand you have most likely helped others by posting your story. I hope knowing this helps YOU a little.

  9. #28
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    812
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I hope others read this and realize how much insisting on a "closure" meeting can hurt. It does more damage. It doesn't result in instant healing but rather makes the pain sharper.

    Please understand you have most likely helped others by posting your story. I hope knowing this helps YOU a little.

    Thanks. I feel glad that I had the meeting. That I could apologise. But yes it does really hurt.
    I have contacted friends and family and they are going to be supporting me going forward.
    I'm so shocked and ashamed with my previous behaviour, I just don't want to be that girl, but unfortunately I am.

    I'm going to try hard to focus on NC and just get through one day at a time.

  10. #29
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    736
    Well, at least you had the satisfaction of talking with him although for whatever that was worth; however, like boltnrun mentioned, you caused yourself more heartache. Hopefully, this time the fact that you guys are not together any more has finally sunken in. It's not easy to let go, I understand but it's no use beating a dead horse. It won't get you anywhere. It's in the past and we cannot change the past.

    I would also strongly suggest that you tell your friend that if she not tell you if she runs into him again. There's no point and it will only upset you until you heal some more. At the beginning, my older son would tell me things that my ex told him. All it did was cause me more pain/anguish. I also told my ex MIL not to tell me anything about him. You know the old saying "What you don't know, won't hurt you." SO TRUE!

    "No wonder he doesn't want me anymore if he's with her. She must be the pinnacle of what men want." Come on, how could you say this? Stop thinking like this, now!!!!! So what if she's younger than you? If he's nearly 50 and she's in her mid-twenties, that just strokes his ego. I went through the same thing. If you recall what I wrote, I mentioned that he had some woman (15 years younger than me) already sleeping in my bed 11 days after I moved out. I was so upset and heartbroken. I was already imagining them together for Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Well, guess what? They lasted about 2 months (July and August of last year). She gave him the cold shoulder and that was that! I won't deny that I was thrilled beyond words that they broke up. He also flew across the country to hook up with someone he met on-line. Younger also, BTW. One time was all it took. End of story.

    I have no idea if he's been with any women since then but now I can honestly say that I don't care if he's with one woman or 100. I simply stopped caring. Good for me! The same thing will happen to you. You've got to be strong, Limiya! He's not worth it. Life sucks at times but we have to accept our current situation and move on as best as we could.

    You say you are in your 30's. SO young, girlfriend! One day you will look back and probably laugh thinking that you thought your life was over. It's like when we were teens: we all did pretty stupid things, right? Now, when we look back, we ask ourselves "What was I thinking???" I'm not trying to make light of your pain and situation, but you have your whole life in front of you. Heal yourself, be thankful for all you have in your life, and move on. It's totally possible, trust me.

  11. #30
    Gold Member Limiya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    812
    Gender
    Female
    Thanks honey. You really know how to motivate me to move forward.
    I appreciate the tough love and advice. I know once I start feeling better, I'll be fine.
    I just need to believe that it's going to be ok.

    I am looking forward to the day it doesn't hurt anymore and I don't care about what he's doing anymore.
    I know I shouldn't come to my own conclusions about his relationship with this girl. But it's quite difficult not to sometimes ya know?

Page 3 of 7 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •