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Thread: Relationship anxiety and how to end it?

  1. #1

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    Relationship anxiety and how to end it?

    Hello people! This is my first post! I need some help!

    As the title says, i have relationship anxiety and it's something i've been fighting against for so long!

    This may be a bit long so bare with me :)

    For a long as i can remember i've had relationship problems, many of these problems are by my own hand which i admit. Before the relationship I'm a funny guy, always having a laugh but when i finally get into one and start to develop feelings that's when it gets messy. I start to think my partner is going to leave me, i notice all the "little" things that stop which puts me on edge which makes me think they are not into me anymore. I go quiet and have no idea what to say. In short i start to turn boring, bitter and no desire at all. I'm in a relationship now and it's started again but I'm doing everything i can to keep myself off that track. Working out, watching comedy, keeping a brave face on and looking for work. Also looking for ways to better myself(I did that anyways but now i can feel those old habbits coming back i'm doing that i can much harder). I get this "gut feeling" or "bad feeling" that it's already over. Maybe from my past experiences of feeling it and then it actually happening would be why but i know this sort of stuff in relationships is self sabotaging. I'll be damned if i lose who i'm with now due to my own stupidity! I'm slowly becoming less like the person my girlfriend got with and that is a big no no where i'm concerned. This paranoia, the bad feelings, the negative thoughts, these are the things that screw me over and these are the problems i need to overcome.

    So any ideas on how to do it?

    For the record she has given me 0 reasons to be paranoid, 0 reasons to think that she would do anything like cheat on me or just end it. This is on me, and it's something i'm facing, but i'm going on blind.

    Thank you for your responses in advance and taking the time to read this!

    Peace out!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Honestly, therapy. No amount of working out will help you overcome this, it'll just make you feel better for a bit. Best decision I've ever made and I had the same problems as you described. CBT helped me.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Yes get some therapy.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Looking for work? Are you not employed and why? I think your issues are with self-confidence and self-esteem. All those reasons you don't like yourself are not helping either. Your thinking seems very negative. I'm not sure what other cyclical or unhealthy activities you engage with that don't seem to help you (or your confidence). If you have other bad habits, wean yourself off of them. You have to feel good about yourself in order to sustain a relationship. It doesn't work any other way.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    CC, I think some introspection is in order. You seem to have some self-esteem issues, feeling that you're not good enough for someone to stay faithful to you. Why is that? Think about everything you have to offer a woman. You say you're funny. You probably have a great personality with your friends, but for some reason you have self-doubts when you are in a relationship.

    Make a list of all of the positive things about yourself and concentrate on those. When you start feeling insecure, think about how lucky this woman is to have you. A little positive thinking goes a long way.

  7. #6
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    I get it. In the beginning, she is enamored with you! And you are so excited about the possibilities that you are working on adrenalin. It's a sort of high.

    I think we will always doubt ourselves in relationships. It's how we deal with those doubts that are the deciding factors in our relationship success. You obviously won her over in the beginning. Do that every day. Think of your relationship as a constant challenge--YOU have to give her reason to stay and she has to do the same for you! Refuse to be quiet about it. Even if it is like pulling teeth, talk to her, joke with her, make her (and yourself) laugh! Pretty soon, it will become routine. Force yourself to get out of your rut.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    A few sessions with a therapist could help you sort some of this out and give you some tips on how to navigate this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Read up on `Attachment Styles'
    You seem have an anxious attachment style?
    There is also a good book called Attached.
    It addresses all styles of attachment and what caused them, how to recognize them and what type of partner you are best suited with.

    Your attachment style has a lot to do with how you were raised from infancy and how your interaction with you primary caregivers formed it.

    Reading up on it doesn't magically fix it, but it is helpful to know there is a reason. Acknowledgment is powerful and with that you can better navigate what you are experiencing.


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