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Thread: Taking Space from Long-term Boyfriend (20 year age gap)

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    My dumb theory of relationships:

    - the strength of just the two of you
    - the strength of being apart
    - the strength of the two of you in other groups

    Each of the above is like a gas tank, and if any of them are empty, your relationship will struggle. You only have one tank and it's not even able to stay full, because when it's just the two of you you are stressed out about the other two tanks being so empty.

    I don't think you can discount the age difference either. You met this man when you were 20. Autistic or not, no one really knows themselves or what they want at that age. You may only be a few years older, but you called him a crutch. You know that what you wanted at 20 (someone to show you the ropes both relationally and professionally) isn't what you need anymore. You need to be out there meeting other people and seeing other perspectives and continuing to find out who you want to be in the world, not just on the couch.

    And he knows you are his crutch as well. You being there isn't helping him out of depression. You leaving won't necessarily make that situation any worse (although it could).

  2. #12
    Gold Member Delacrank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Originally Posted by emrhi
    if I knew what sort of baby step I could urge him to take next I would to it in a heart beat.
    Personally you will struggle to
    meet someone with his traits. Highly educated men who are successful are a rare thing in this society. Also, they are commonly fought over by many women.

    My suggestion would be to start dating other men, while keeping him on the back burner. Iím guessing his depression stems from his inability to improve his motherís situation. Obviously he doesnít want to work a minimum wage job as that wouldnít be an effective use of his time.

    Another professorship is what he needs but Iím sure those positions are highly competitive. I would also say that it might be important for your own sake to take time to yourself and start thinking about where you want to be in the next five years.

    Do you want a career, start a family, travel etc. Once you have figured that out, it will be easier to make firm decisions. You want to make decisions which align with your goals. It seems like this relationship is somewhat co-dependent.

    I hope you donít waste your youth figuring out what you want out of life like so many people.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    This is the main thing. Reflect on this.
    Originally Posted by emrhi
    I'm not happy at all.

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