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Thread: Can spending time apart make a relationship?

  1. #1
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    Can spending time apart make a relationship?

    Hi all, been with my current gf for 4 years now. We're both still young-ish (27 and 24 respectively) and recently I've been doubting whether I want to commit to this girl and it's been tapping into my negative feelings about ending it. However, I had to drop her off at the airport today as she's visiting family on the other side of the world and so we're going to be spending 2 weeks apart (first time ever). Safe to say it hit me more than I thought and we ended up crying loads saying our goodbyes. Even though it's 2 weeks it feels like forever and it's made me think if I did end it I'd probably make the worst mistake of my life. Is this normal? In the space of a day my feelings towards her have totally turned around and I'm not sure what to make of it.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't make impulsive decisions such as breaking up just yet. See how your feelings will be during 2 weeks apart from her. Since you're unsure and indecisive, give yourself time to think about it while both of you are apart. As time marches on, see how your relationship is with her and if you still have negative feelings, then do her a favor and end it. No sense dragging out a relationship if your heart is not fully invested in it. Let go of her so she can take her wings and fly away as should you.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Just the fact that you're calling her "this girl" sounds so emotionally distant to me, especially after you've been together four years. Do you feel as though you're too young to continue in a serious relationship right now, and want to have more dating experiences before settling down? Is there anything that seems like a dealbreaker for you about your gf that makes you question her being a good lifetime partner? Do you feel like you or the both of you have allowed your relationship to go stale?

    Like Cherylyn said, there's no reason to make any firm decisions right now, but start asking yourself why you feel the way you do, and if you want to either reignite the spark or to let it burn out.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you're in a rut and spending too much time together if this is the first time you're apart and it takes this to appreciate her. No it's not normal.
    Originally Posted by GB11CR7
    we're going to be spending 2 weeks apart (first time ever). Safe to say it hit me more than I thought and we ended up crying loads saying our goodbyes. Even though it's 2 weeks it feels like forever and it's made me think if I did end it I'd probably make the worst mistake of my life. .

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    What are your doubts about in the first place and why are you feeling so negative? At the moment you're sounding very whimsical and irrational. Are you normally this negative or irrational or emotional? You mentioned an emotional goodbye. I understand it's sad to know your partner is far away but "crying loads" seems a bit over the top. Either there are plenty of underlying serious issues or both of you are just extremely emotional or impulsive people. I'm not sure which or what's going on with either of you.

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    Donít call me impulsive. Thatís ridiculously OTT and making me question whether this site is for reassuring people or just putting down every thing someone says.

    Iím allowed to question my feelings and whether I want to commit to somebody at my age, for both our sakes. I was wondering whether a bit of time apart would make me realise what Iíve actually got
    .

  8. #7
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    OP, what sort of doubts have you been having about this relationship?

    EDIT: Just took a look at your posting history. Is this the same girlfriend from your thread back in 2016? [Register to see the link]

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Of course you're allowed to question your emotions but I'm not sure how it's going to help you (how is the forum to help you) when you're not more explicit about what the issues are? Is someone pressuring you to marry this person?

  10. #9
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    We can't tell you what to do, but going by your previous post, and what you say in here about never being apart for 2 weeks before... yes, you are probably too attached, and rely on each other too much, which isn't healthy. It's good to have energy from the outside to help sustain it. You mentioned in your other thread that you kind of wouldn't have a life if you broke up with her. That's not good at all. It puts a lot of pressure on the relationship to be your life if you have nothing else. And you know what's not attractive? A person whom you are always expecting to fulfill those needs that you need to be able to get on your own - because such a person isn't going to be able to live up to it.

    Use this time apart to focus on your own life. What do you want out of it? What are your goals and dreams... do you have any? Are you fulfilled, or are there things that are missing? Maybe you can find yourself while maintaining the relationship, or maybe you need to take a longer break to work on that. Or maybe you just aren't a good long term match.

    Either way, you can't just keep hanging on. You need to change something, whether its in yourself, working together to change the dynamics and patterns of the relationship that make it feel unsustaining, or moving apart on separate journeys.

  11. #10
    Member PerkyGreek's Avatar
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    I just want to respond to your primary question whether spending time apart makes a relationship. Yes, it can, but it depends on the strength of the relationship, the bond between the couple, and most importantly, the commitment between the two. I have worked with consultants who came from other countries and separated from their loved ones. This was before the iphone came out and international calls were super expensive. Yet they managed, even talking with each other only once a month. Relationship is something a person grows into and we do make mistakes because it can sometimes get tricky. I just hope things get better for you, man.


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