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Thread: Am I Right to End This Relationship

  1. #1
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    Am I Right to End This Relationship

    Hi, I'm new to this forum but have just managed to get my boyfriend of two years to talk to me about where he sees our relationship going. He got me into the relationship when I wasn't interested in anyone and would say things like "I'll put a ring on your finger". Then he became distant. A few weeks ago he said he was going on holiday because he needed some sun (alone?). Then he announced that he wanted to go out on Friday evenings with the lads. He's not meeting my needs and we seem to have gone from him wanting us to move in together to both being free agents. I think the relationship is toxic and am about to tell him to go on as many holidays and have as many evenings out with the lads as he wants as we're not going anywhere. "We're together for the moment" is what he said tonight and when I questioned that he tried to say it's my head that's funny. He says he'll always be around and if I walk away he'll have other people keep an eye on me so he knows I'm OK. He's done a lot for me but I feel I've been used and if the relationship is going nowhere then..... Am I right to end this?

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    Has he already gone on this holiday? Do you think he could be meeting someone there?

    How much time had you two been spending together when he told you that Friday nights would be devoted to his friends now? I am trying to work out whether this need for more space in borne out of feeling too suffocated in the relationship, or if something more is going on with him that he hasn't shared yet.

    I would be alarmed that he's now saying you're together for the moment, in any case. That sounds very much like he is strongly contemplating ending the relationship. It's also bizarre that he would mention he'll have other people around to make sure you're okay. What an odd comment. Is he worried you can't survive without him or something?

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Odds are that if you have to ask this question you already know the answer. What that “a lot” is he’s done for you, it sounds like it’s in the past, not the present or future. He doesn’t particularly invested—or particularly kind—and honestly you don’t sound particularly invested either, at least from the tone of this post.

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    The relationship is not 'Toxic.' It has simply run its course.

    Yes, you are right to end it. His own needs are more important than yours. Being together 'for the moment' means that he wants to keep his options open. Move on.

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    Hi. Thanks for the replies. I was interested although that little voice in the back of my head kept telling me he wasn't sincere. But he would go overboard and do really romantic things. I'm in a very vulnerable situation but have a business so he is worried and he helped a lot with that business, building work, etc. Then I felt distance, like I was just a convenience. We've spent every weekend together. On Friday I just felt so sad around him, he drove me to the doctor and I got anti-depressants. But it makes me angry because I feel that I'm on anti-depressants because of him. He's trying to make out it's because of my past. Like most people, I've been through a lot but that's what happens when you really live life. Given what he said tonight, I just think he undervalues me and it's time to kick him into touch.

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    When your relationship compels you to take ant-depressants, you really need to end the relationship.

    My sense is that trouble has been brewing for a while and you've just now had the courage to ask him if he sees you in his future. You didn't get the answer you'd hoped for, and it's clear you've been unhappy for some time. It's beyond time to part ways, in my opinion.

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    Yes, I'm unhappy but I'm sure I'll be happy again when I end the situation. I've been asking for some time if there's something wrong and a few weeks ago I walked out. He came running after. He could just be scared of commitment but in my heart of hearts I feel it's time to end things totally. He also said tonight that he'll always support me (not financially) and that he'll always be around but as what? I told him if I walked away it was a no going back situation but had to bite my tongue not to say that we couldn't be friends because friends don't put one another onto anti-depressants.

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    Thanks for the reply Miss Cannuck No, he hasn't gone on holiday yet and he says he's going alone. I work on Friday nights and he likes to dance. He swears blind that there's no-one else and that he's not interested in anyone else but he likes to dance. I know that but I've told him that to my way of thinking, going out with the lads is going out looking for someone. I don't know whether I'm right to think that or not.

    He's put in a hell of a lot of work on my business, building work alone would cost about 8K. So I can't figure out what he wants for us. I can't understand why someone would do that for nothing? He's also saying he'll do more and that we should spend more time together.

    But I feel like a convenience. I don't feel valued or appreciated personally. He has issues (really bad childhood) but .... Unfortunately, I love him but I just feel he's messing with my head too much and feel I should end things as he's now causing me pain. Rather, I'm causing myself pain, by not putting an end to it.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    The relationship is not 'Toxic.' It has simply run its course.

    Yes, you are right to end it. His own needs are more important than yours. Being together 'for the moment' means that he wants to keep his options open. Move on.
    Sadly, I feel the same. If I end it now, I can hold onto good memories instead of bad ones methinks.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Odds are that if you have to ask this question you already know the answer. What that “a lot” is he’s done for you, it sounds like it’s in the past, not the present or future. He doesn’t particularly invested—or particularly kind—and honestly you don’t sound particularly invested either, at least from the tone of this post.
    Sorry about this, I've only just discovered how to reply to you all individually. He's done about 8k's work on my business and gets involved with it. He wants to do more. I can't get my head around why someone would do that for nothing. But, at the end of the day, in my heart of hearts, I'm on anti-depressants and feel if even only for that reason, the relationship has to end.

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