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Thread: Am I Right to End This Relationship

  1. #11
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jannijan
    Sadly, I feel the same. If I end it now, I can hold onto good memories instead of bad ones methinks.
    This is the best place to be in for a breakup. No need to hang onto scraps, as resentments fester and blossom, waiting until you totally hate the other person (and, by extension, yourself) to pull the plug.

    It sucks. In a weird way, we always want it to be "obvious" that we should end things—that our partner has turned into a monster, cheated on us, something definitive that we can latch onto. But—and thank god for this—those situations are the exception, not the rule. People outgrow people, and relationships run their course. It happens. Just because they aren't forever—and nothing, really, is forever, not you, not me—doesn't invalidate them.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    This is the best place to be in for a breakup. No need to hang onto scraps, as resentments fester and blossom, waiting until you totally hate the other person (and, by extension, yourself) to pull the plug.

    It sucks. In a weird way, we always want it to be "obvious" that we should end things—that our partner has turned into a monster, cheated on us, something definitive that we can latch onto. But—and thank god for this—those situations are the exception, not the rule. People outgrow people, and relationships run their course. It happens. Just because they aren't forever—and nothing, really, is forever, not you, not me—doesn't invalidate them.
    Thanks bluecastle. Just got to cope with the hurt feelings and bitter disappointment now. It really helps to have this being aired as it shows me that it's not my head that's odd but his head and his behaviour.

  3. #13
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    I also believe that the relationship has run its course. It's just not working. Don't over-analyse what he did in the past for your business. Don't feel obligated to remain in the relationship because of that. Just think of what he's said to you recently and how he's treating you. Let him go; you know in your heart of hearts that that's what you must do. Besides, you seem rather disappointed and unhappy in the relationship. Why stay in something that stresses you out so much that you need to go on tranquilizers? You don't need that. I also don't like that"We're together for the moment" What is that about??? You also seem ready to cut the cord. Do it, and be free to take care of yourself and get peace and happiness. You deserve that along with love and respect.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I also believe that the relationship has run its course. It's just not working. Don't over-analyse what he did in the past for your business. Don't feel obligated to remain in the relationship because of that. Just think of what he's said to you recently and how he's treating you. Let him go; you know in your heart of hearts that that's what you must do. Besides, you seem rather disappointed and unhappy in the relationship. Why stay in something that stresses you out so much that you need to go on tranquilizers? You don't need that. You also seem ready to cut the cord. Do it, and be free to take care of yourself and get peace and happiness. You deserve that along with love and respect.
    Thanks Goddess. That is exactly what I've been telling myself. I was angry when he drove me to the doctors. I'm sitting there knowing his behaviour was the cause of me needing to go to the doctor and him trying to blame my head and my past. I'll just stop trying to get my head around why he's done so much work on the business because whatever it was it shouldn't be costing my happiness.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Yes, you're right to end this. He sounds insincere and noncommittal. His actions don't match his words.

    His words sound so eloquent such as "I'll put a ring on your finger" and "we're together for the moment." Then he wants to go on holiday for sun and hang out with his lads. He's all over the map because he goes from wanting to move in together to both being free agents. He sounds like a nut. Obviously, he doesn't treat you as if you matter and as if you are a priority in his life.

    It's nice that he did a lot for you in the past but nowadays he's not there for you nor will he promise to be consistently available in your life. Let him go. He's too busy enjoying his carefree life. You deserve a man who treats you with daily and long term respect, loyalty and humble devotion. Everyone else is an instant reject!

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by jannijan
    Thanks Goddess. That is exactly what I've been telling myself. I was angry when he drove me to the doctors. I'm sitting there knowing his behaviour was the cause of me needing to go to the doctor and him trying to blame my head and my past. I'll just stop trying to get my head around why he's done so much work on the business because whatever it was it shouldn't be costing my happiness.
    That is so wrong of him to blame your head. How dare he take advantage of your vulnerability? He is so darned self-centered and selfish. You are so right: it should not be costing your happiness. You have a very good attitude. Keep it up, OK?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by jannijan
    He's done about 8k's work on my business and gets involved with it. He wants to do more. I can't get my head around why someone would do that for nothing.
    That was then.
    This is now.

    People do things for each other all the time within relationships because at that point in time they are happy within it.
    But it is not a commitment nor promise to.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by jannijan
    I was angry when he drove me to the doctors. I'm sitting there knowing his behaviour was the cause of me needing to go to the doctor and him trying to blame my head and my past.
    I’m sorry but you really need to deal with your depression and stop blaming others for it.
    Perhaps you weren’t happy with his behaviour and treatment towards you , but you didn’t become depressed overnight. You became depressed because of your own acceptance of his behaviour over time.
    But why did you accept his behaviour and not believe you deserve better? And thereby leave the relationship?
    I don’t know of your past but perhaps that is a factor in why you stayed in a situation that you weren’t happy with?

    I’m unsure of what the bad behaviour is exactly? You haven’t really said?

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Yes, you're right to end this. He sounds insincere and noncommittal. His actions don't match his words.

    His words sound so eloquent such as "I'll put a ring on your finger" and "we're together for the moment." Then he wants to go on holiday for sun and hang out with his lads. He's all over the map because he goes from wanting to move in together to both being free agents. He sounds like a nut. Obviously, he doesn't treat you as if you matter and as if you are a priority in his life.

    It's nice that he did a lot for you in the past but nowadays he's not there for you nor will he promise to be consistently available in your life. Let him go. He's too busy enjoying his carefree life. You deserve a man who treats you with daily and long term respect, loyalty and humble devotion. Everyone else is an instant reject!
    Thanks Cherlyn. I agree. I have his stuff packed and I've changed the sim card in my phone. I'll just firmly tell him it's over when he shows up. I've decided I'll just say that after his comments last night about both being free agents, I believe the relationship is over and ask for the business keys back from. I'll hand him his stuff, wish him well and tell him not to contact me again as I've got some nice memories and that's all the relationship now is.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It's just not working. Do you share a phone plan or a business? Do you live together? Just end it then block and delete him and all his people from all your messaging apps, accounts, and social media. Change the locks and change all your passwords on all your accounts and devices.

    However do not blame him for all your problems or feel used. Continue your medical treatment and therapy. Bad relationships do not cause depression, depression causes bad relationships.

    Next time do not over invest and beg for commitments from someone who clearly is not as interested in a committed relationship as you are..
    Originally Posted by jannijan
    I have his stuff packed and I've changed the sim card in my phone. I believe the relationship is over and ask for the business keys back from.

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