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Thread: How can I stop being an “enabler” in a relationship?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    So, going forward how do you handle this behavior in a relationship?
    I don't form expectations that each individual person will behave 'like' another. That's projection, and that's a disadvantage from the gate. Instead, on a scale of 1 to 10, I keep my private trust meter set to a neutral 5 whenever I meet someone new. Then I allow them to show me by their behavior over time whether I'll want to invest more trust or withdraw trust and walk away.

    So what are some examples of promises your ex made and broke?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok work on an inside and out self improvement/self confidence building plan. Take some courses/classes you enjoy and/or that further your career. Get in shape, eat better, exercise more. Get a complete check up and evaluate your physical health. Consider short term therapy to work through some self-defeating thoughts and actions.

    Retool your look, new clothes, hair, etc. Join some clubs and groups that interest you or things you would like to become interested in. Whatever..yoga golf a language etc. Have a solid job and good financial savvy. Make enduring friendships. Be willing to walk away from the first red flag and the first bad treatment. Consider that your trust is earned and valuable. Boot those who squander that. People respect self-respect.
    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    I enabled his behavior by forgiving his broken promises, and/or not following through on things so basically I taught him he could flake out, break his word, disrespect me etc and I would keep forgiving him.

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