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Thread: Conclusion/ Exploring the idea that I am Autistic as well

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Conclusion/ Exploring the idea that I am Autistic as well

    As most know here my son is Autistic and him and I share a lot of traits . I belong to a lot of adult Autistic forums in an effort to make his life easier and found I share so many traits of other Autistic women. I had a very introspective friend on here who once asked me if I ever considered if I was. I was always a wanderer as a child, bucked authority that made no sense to me. A super sensitive crusader. I had sensory issues and still do. I was and am still pretty uncoordinated. I was always called ď spazĒ , ďover sensitiveĒ and awkward and ď crazyĒ by adults. I was shunned by other kids .

    I become very distressed when plans are not followed , distressed to the point of almost tears or anger. Funny enough as an adult I can be an extreme rule follower and way out there at the same time.

    Now my mom vehemently denies it is possible because I successfully work and drive and graduated university. But there are Autistics who do function fully in life . This is at an extreme cost to me. I suffer immense stress and have my entire life from very early childhood.

    My son feels I am. He looks at me sometimes and says Jeebus mom youíre more Autistic than me filter woman filter! I hyper focus very very easily.

    Just so many traits...... I never thought of before I talked with other Adult Autistics.

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    Bucking authority is far from being unique to autism. Strong wills, when dishonesty is detected in authority figures or when an authority figure has abused or lied to a child - that can happen as well, as well as issues with attachment in childhood.

    I know you have experienced abuse. Could the wandering and bucking authority be from that as well?

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Bucking authority is far from being unique to autism. Strong wills, when dishonesty is detected in authority figures or when an authority figure has abused or lied to a child - that can happen as well, as well as issues with attachment in childhood.

    I know you have experienced abuse. Could the wandering and bucking authority be from that as well?
    It was long before I was abused. I was a wanderer from toddlerhood. My mom said she noticed I was kind of walking to my own drum at about 4 years old. I was a pied piper of trouble. At school I was either daydreaming and singing or blurting out answers.

    But she noticed I was extremely different from my brother long before I was abused . She loved me to bits but found me far more difficult than my brother. Although I was far far better and agreeable with her than any other human being.

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    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Very interesting.

    I will say though, as a fellow survivor of abuse the whole thing about not being about to handle changing plans for example, I have that exact same issue. I get incredibly worked up, and upset and frustrated. Im very much a planner and when things deviate, I feel as if Iím losing control and it freaks me out. Planning big trips with me is never fun because I am super anxious and snap at everything, once were on the road Iím good but for whatever reason that build up...

    Iím not sure if Iím describing myself right, but my counselor said for me itís PTSD.

    The other signs though, very possible, I think many people donít realize they are on the spectrum. As long as they have learn d to live a happy and healthy life I suppose itís not a big deal.

    Keep us updated with what you find out.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Very interesting.

    I will say though, as a fellow survivor of abuse the whole thing about not being about to handle changing plans for example, I have that exact same issue. I get incredibly worked up, and upset and frustrated. Im very much a planner and when things deviate, I feel as if Iím losing control and it freaks me out. Planning big trips with me is never fun because I am super anxious and snap at everything, once were on the road Iím good but for whatever reason that build up...

    Iím not sure if Iím describing myself right, but my counselor said for me itís PTSD.

    The other signs though, very possible, I think many people donít realize they are on the spectrum. As long as they have learn d to live a happy and healthy life I suppose itís not a big deal.

    Keep us updated with what you find out.
    I do have PTSD as well which I am positive contributes to my distress over changing plans. It exacerbates it. My mom said even as a small kid I would loose my marbles if things went awry. I was just a bundle of anxiety . Bathing me was difficult I would scream bloody blue murder whenever my hair was washed we are even talking at 7 years old. Screaming until I would almost vomit. Loud noises then and now just send me into a rage.

    Today when I got my nails done due to unforeseen circumstances my regular girl couldnít do them and I was almost in tears
    . I was hanging my the skin of my teeth not to call my husband to pick me up and get me out of there because I couldnít handle the change.

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    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I do have PTSD as well which I am positive contributes to my distress over changing plans. It exacerbates it. My mom said even as a small kid I would loose my marbles if things went awry. I was just a bundle of anxiety . Bathing me was difficult I would scream bloody blue murder whenever my hair was washed we are even talking at 7 years old. Screaming until I would almost vomit. Loud noises then and now just send me into a rage.

    Today when I got my nails done due to unforeseen circumstances my regular girl couldnít do them and I was almost in tears
    . I was hanging my the skin of my teeth not to call my husband to pick me up and get me out of there because I couldnít handle the change.
    Wow, very interesting.

    What are your typical tactics to combat these feelings? Are you open to medication?

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I am on medication. Usually I use grounding techniques to calm me down.

    I remember one particular occasion a few years ago my mom wanted me to watch the Movie War Horse. I canít watch any kind of animal abuse or I have flashbacks for months. My mom kept insisting I see this movie . It is an award-winning movie and for that reason you should watch it blah blah blah just nag nag nag I had to watch this movie I had to watch this movie . Finally I ran away from her screaming , I donít want to watch the effin movie leave me alone !!! Later she STILL dragged me out to watch this movie and I left screaming covering my ears. My son is similar we just go into complete meltdown and it canít be stopped or reasoned with. People lol at us like we are INSANE. But the meltdown canít be stopped.
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Wow, very interesting.

    What are your typical tactics to combat these feelings? Are you open to medication?

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    I also have an incredible pain tolerance and my body doesnít recognize how ill I am sometimes. I was almost septic with necrotized tissue in my uterus and didnít even feel sick. My mom says one day I am going to die from lack of body awareness.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Perhaps this begs the question: Does it help you to think of yourself as autistic?

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Perhaps this begs the question: Does it help you to think of yourself as autistic?
    I am not sure.

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