Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 25 of 25

Thread: what to do while my boyfriend needs "time"? (sorry if duplicate)

  1. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    36
    Gender
    Female
    Hi I would give him all the time he needs - forever. I would end it. You're doing that by cutting the cord and freeing yourself. Wish you well.
    Last edited by jannijan; 06-23-2019 at 04:02 PM.

  2. #22
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    18
    Hello all,

    After a few conversations about what we want and need, and our fears and hopes, we decided to end our relationship.

    Thank you all for the support and kind words.

  3. #23
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    18
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    My heart goes out to you. In your shoes I'd like tell him that I adore him and can envision the two of us together in the future, and that's why I'm walking away while we both still think highly of one another--to preserve that potential if it exists. He gets to take as long as he wants to work out his stuff, but I know myself well enough to know that I don't tolerate limbo very well, and I certainly have no desire to hang on to someone who's ambivalent about me. If he ever reaches a clear degree of certainty that I'm the one for him, and he wants a committed relationship with me, he can let me know. If I'm still available then, maybe we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best.

    This would free me to grieve, to heal and to move my focus forward to create the kind of future for myself that I want and deserve. It would prevent me from the high-anxiety place of hovering on the periphery while the guy feels pressured to answer what he may not be ready to answer for a very long time. I'd rather take myself out of the picture to have no influence over that choice, because that's the only way either of us can trust the outcome.

    If I didn't cut the cord, I'd picture myself living in doubt that any choice he might make in my favor would be under the duress of a calendar, and I'd always wonder when the next shoe would drop. That's a high stress way to live, and it wouldn't be for me. I'd rather walk away with full liberation to nurse my own wounds and trust that if the two of us are really a mean-to-be deal, he'll have no trouble coming to that conclusion with reflection on his own. If not, then there wasn't anything for me to stick around for, anyway.

    Head high.
    Dear catfeeder,

    In the end, this is exactly how I feel and how we decided to proceed. I feel like I did my best, and in the end, he was too fearful to make the wrong choice and to try again with his heart in it 100%. He was afraid if we didn't try, he could miss out on the best thing he could have had, but at the same time, he is not emotionally in the right place for a relationship like ours. So I told him that we should leave it, and that I didn't want him to make these decisions under such duress, but I can't keep going with the fear of him leaving at any moment. There is still a lot of love on both sides, and our lives will continually cross paths because of our families being close. Better to cut the cord while we still think highly of each other. I could not live in limbo anymore with him, and this seems to have been building up in him for a little while. I can now focus on myself and healing, and hopefully he will use our experience to focus on his wants and future dreams, and better himself as well.. If it's meant to be, perhaps we will reconnect in the future. I am trying to not hold on to that, though. As of now, we are done and I am wading through the heartbreak of losing my boyfriend and long-time best friend in the same day...

  4. #24
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    3,576
    Gender
    Male
    Big hugs, margo.

    I know this is so hard, but it sounds like you're handling it well. You've made a choice fueled by the best of stuff: love and respect—of yourself, of him, of reality. I know that doesn't negate the pain right now, or the pain stirring, but it's a rare thing to be able to do that.

    We're always here to listen. Wishing you the best.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,444
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Big hugs, margo.

    I know this is so hard, but it sounds like you're handling it well. You've made a choice fueled by the best of stuff: love and respect—of yourself, of him, of reality. I know that doesn't negate the pain right now, or the pain stirring, but it's a rare thing to be able to do that.

    We're always here to listen. Wishing you the best.
    I second this, Margo. Take baby steps. Write here if it helps. Trust the future to teach you your best course. Make it a goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this to create a fabulous future for yourself.

    Head high.

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •