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Tinder mess up


mattski13

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Ok so first off I know I completely messed up but this is what happened.

I met this girl on tinder 3 days ago and we hit it off straight away and exchanged numbers and we even called me to talk.

It seemed to be going to well then we were chatting by what's app yesterday in the day then later on I messaged her and she ignored my texts.

I left it at that then I went on my tinder to see if we were still matched and I noticed she was quite some miles away from her home as it tells you the distance she is.

I left it at that and in the morning asked if she was ok and she replied yes I'm late for work as she got up late, I then text her to say about her not replying to me and I was going to message her on tinder but noticed she was far away so I didn't want to bother her.

Straight away she blocked me on everything, phone calls everything.

If I was her I would of done the same because it's like I'm following where she is and it's none of my business at all and I could not even apologize to her.

 

I've been hurt alot in the past by several girls who cheated on my and all I was trying to find out is she honest and loyal but again it's to soon to know and I'm so stupid.

I know I was in the wrong to do this so do I leave it at that and move on or try and say sorry but this is impossible

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I've been hurt alot in the past by several girls who cheated on my and all I was trying to find out is she honest.I know I was in the wrong so do this so do I leave it at that and move on or try and say sorry but this is impossible

 

Honest about...what, exactly?

 

From what I understand, you have never met her in person. She owes you nothing. She can do what she pleases and doesn't need to explain herself to you, so I am genuinely confused as to what you feel entitled to know about her at this stage.

 

Anyway, there's nothing you can do now but take this as a lesson learned and don't behave this way next time.

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I would hate to be on an app that tells people where I am. To me, that's really creepy.

 

Until you establish some kind of rapport with a person from a dating app, it's best not to make personal comments or ask why she didn't respond, or tell her that you noticed where she was.

 

Don't tell her you're sorry. If she blocked you on everything, trying to contact her would be scary to her. Take a hint.

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Hi mattski13-

 

I think you should let this one go. Don't dwell on this person whom you just met, or let her actions negatively impact you. With that being said, I think maybe you should take a step back from Tinder and/or other dating apps. I have been cheated on too, and that really, really messes us up. My advise to you is to sort out what happened to you in your past relationships, and find a way to let those feelings of fear and insecurity go. If you try to pursue something new before you've mentally and emotionally dealt with the pain of the old, then you will repeatedly drag those negative feelings into every new relationship you try and establish. That isn't fair to the new person, but mostly it's not fair to yourself.

 

Best of luck to you.

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If you expect a woman to not talk to other guys while she talks to you, you should not be on Tinder. You're expecting things that are kind of unreasonable for the platform that you're on AND you are not communicating these expectations.

 

There's a world of difference between her talking and going on a coffee date with other guys in these early stages and being cheated on in the context of a relationship. I get thst you've been hurt before but neither you nor her have exclusivity at this point.

 

Of the idea of multi dating disturbs you, I would refrain from online dating.

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I think you need to use this moment to get a bit more real about what dating is.

 

You know all those women you swipe through on Tinder? They are not there to be loyal to you or to cure the pain from past romances. They are on there....for whatever reason they're on there. That's their business, not yours.

 

And you know what? The odds are very high that when you talk to someone on an app you are not the only man they are talking to. Ditto if you meet up. You might be one of five dates that week.

 

And that is okay! You have to be open to that, comfy with that, otherwise you'll keep finding yourself in some version of this situation. Because talking to someone on an app, even meeting up with them once, twice, three times—that is not dating. That is seeing if dating might happen.

 

And that is when you start talking about boundaries, about things like whether or not someone is still dating others, and so on, once you actually know the person. You're asking for things—loyalty, honesty—that no stranger in the world can or should give you.

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I really appreciate your advice, my wife of 10 years had a few affairs behind my back and a girl I was dating this year was also up to know good.

I feel I must trust the next girl I meet and put this behind me. I am sorry for what I did.

 

You need to learn to trust yourself first.

 

Had you text me asking why I hadn't responded and commented on my where about's, I'd likely not speak to you again either. Mistrust and insecurities are major turn offs.

 

You keep using your past experiences to defend your poor choices. You have so much as admitted it. Why don't you take time to address your disappointments and lack of self esteem before you go on line testing strangers.

 

I am sorry you've been hurt. Everyone's been disappointed in their lifetime by someone who let them down. It's how you go about dealing with those hurts and healing them that in turn makes dating a positive experience.

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You're not a freak. You're just a human who needs to get some of that humanity in check.

 

Your wife cheated on you, a recent go at romance didn't go as you'd hoped. Sucks. But also? Happens. And also also? Pinch yourself really quick because look what happened after all that pain: you're still here, still alive.

 

So live your life, in the present, without the pain of the past as your navigator. If you need a little help letting it go, or keeping it in check, find some avenues for that: therapy, yoga, a micro-brew enjoyed responsibly, whatever.

 

Because if you fling that stuff on Tinder people, or view all romance through the lens of "Is she gonna cheat on me too?!" you're just setting yourself up for disaster. You'll push the good ones away hard and fast and—ugh—may find yourself magnetized, subconsciously, to the ones with the capacity make your worst fears a reality.

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Your 100% right and she owes me nothing, I just didn't want to start dating a girl if she was seeing other guys but I know I shouldn't of asked I don't know why I did it.

I feel awful

 

Dude, it's Tinder. You need to assume a girl you have never met is going to be talking to or seeing other guys. What do you think Tinder is for, exactly?

 

If you are this anxious and have such unrealistic expectations so early on, you might want to lay off on dating until you have a handle on your insecurity and trust issues.

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I use Tinder occasionally and if a guy asks me why I’m not replying to him after few days of talking on the app, it’s a turn off for me. It’s Tinder after all, if you didn’t meet the person in real life yet, you can’t expect much.

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Not to pile it on, but I find, almost universally speaking, that nothing is a turn off quite like a text asking me if I'm "okay."

 

Whether it's a random on a dating app or someone I'm seriously dating, it tends to roughly translate to: "I am not okay and I'd like you to make me feel better."

 

There are exceptions, of course, like if I have pneumonia and my girlfriend is at work and wants to know if I'm doing okay, but just something to file away as you sharpen the compass.

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Buddy, time to get the best of your anxiety. It's that simple.

 

This is not something to be gutted and upset about. That's just wallowing, throwing coals of anxiety into the anxiety oven.

 

It's seven text messages and spazzing out a bit. There are a zillion more women awaiting your rightward swipe. Just get this stuff in check so don't spazz with those zillion others.

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Unfortunately there are a lot of scammers, catfish, time-wasters and flakes out there and that doesn't even include the 'not interested' and 'too busy' and 'broke up a nanosecond ago' ones. Just keep on going, but develop a strategy which includes meeting asap and avoid exchanging private info or too much chitchat before meeting in person.

 

It seemed to be going to well then we were chatting by what's app yesterday in the day then later on I messaged her and she ignored my texts.

I left it at that then I went on my tinder to see if we were still matched and I noticed she was quite some miles away from her home as it tells you the distance she is.

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Your 100% right and she owes me nothing, I just didn't want to start dating a girl if she was seeing other guys but I know I shouldn't of asked I don't know why I did it.

I feel awful

 

How can you expect her not to see other people, when you do not have a commitment to one another. hell, you haven't even met.

 

Have you considered counseling for your trust issues?

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OK, well first of all if you are looking for a girlfriend, you may consider other avenues to look for one that are not Tinder. I tried using Tinder briefly in the past and I really didn't like it. To me it seemed like mostly a hookup app where people only judge you on your appearance. There was barely any space to fill anything out about yourself on your profile and also nobody even really bothered to write even anything brief about themselves anyway. I'm pretty sure the main premise of Tinder is just to look at people's photo and if you're attracted to them, you match. I'm not sure that's a good way to find an actual girlfriend because you have literally no idea who that person is. You might have nothing in common so talking to a lot of these women could be just a waste of time.

 

I mean if you want to continue using Tinder it's up to you but I think it's pretty bad as far as finding a relationship goes. You could use Bumble, OK Cupid, E-harmony and whatever other paid sites that are for relationships. You could also use Meetup groups and meeting through friends.

 

One thing to know about dating in general is that yes unless you have been dating for some time, that person doesn't owe you anything. If you get no reply, continuing to message is a big turn off. You send a message and then wait for reply. If you don't get one I will bet 95% that was because the person lost interest. It might be nothing to do with you but could be because they found someone else or they're just not vibing with you or whatever. People on online dating can be extremely flaky or they can just be busy. If someone is just busy and you message them saying "Why are you not replying, are you OK?" it seems clingy and pushy. So yeah don't do that again.

 

Try to go into dating with no expectations and just to have fun. If you bring all your baggage into it, like your wife, etc. it will impact how you behave in a negative way. You need to try to let go of the past and move on. Have you done therapy?

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