Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 28 of 28

Thread: Tinder mess up

  1. #21
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,136
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by mattski13
    All afternoon I was thinking I'm a phyco for what I did and that's why I joined this site for advice and I'm grateful for your replies
    Go easy on yourself.
    Consider it a learning experience.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,105
    You haven't even met her and you are stalking her. You are also sending too many texts to a stranger. You need to slow your roll.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,105
    Originally Posted by mattski13
    Your 100% right and she owes me nothing, I just didn't want to start dating a girl if she was seeing other guys but I know I shouldn't of asked I don't know why I did it.
    I feel awful
    How can you expect her not to see other people, when you do not have a commitment to one another. hell, you haven't even met.

    Have you considered counseling for your trust issues?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,601
    Gender
    Female
    OK, well first of all if you are looking for a girlfriend, you may consider other avenues to look for one that are not Tinder. I tried using Tinder briefly in the past and I really didn't like it. To me it seemed like mostly a hookup app where people only judge you on your appearance. There was barely any space to fill anything out about yourself on your profile and also nobody even really bothered to write even anything brief about themselves anyway. I'm pretty sure the main premise of Tinder is just to look at people's photo and if you're attracted to them, you match. I'm not sure that's a good way to find an actual girlfriend because you have literally no idea who that person is. You might have nothing in common so talking to a lot of these women could be just a waste of time.

    I mean if you want to continue using Tinder it's up to you but I think it's pretty bad as far as finding a relationship goes. You could use Bumble, OK Cupid, E-harmony and whatever other paid sites that are for relationships. You could also use Meetup groups and meeting through friends.

    One thing to know about dating in general is that yes unless you have been dating for some time, that person doesn't owe you anything. If you get no reply, continuing to message is a big turn off. You send a message and then wait for reply. If you don't get one I will bet 95% that was because the person lost interest. It might be nothing to do with you but could be because they found someone else or they're just not vibing with you or whatever. People on online dating can be extremely flaky or they can just be busy. If someone is just busy and you message them saying "Why are you not replying, are you OK?" it seems clingy and pushy. So yeah don't do that again.

    Try to go into dating with no expectations and just to have fun. If you bring all your baggage into it, like your wife, etc. it will impact how you behave in a negative way. You need to try to let go of the past and move on. Have you done therapy?

  5.  

  6. #25
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Posts
    9
    I'm not a stalker but I have got trust issues which I need to sort out and address so I don't mess up again in the future

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,419
    Originally Posted by mattski13
    I knew I shouldn't of asked and let it go I really don't know why I did it, my anxiety got the better of me.
    I'm really gutted and upset for what I did I feel like crap
    There is absolutely no need to feel, gutted, upset or crap.

    Your thinking is catastrophic and your behaviour is needy.
    But thatís ok. We can change that!

    So, Tinder. Expect that others are talking to many. Thatís the point of Tinder! Chat to many , meet a few, date some of those few. Right?
    You got all excited about getting a match , I bet you stopped swiping!? Am I right?
    That would be your first mistake. Pinning all hopes on one person who is a stranger.

    Second mistake , adding someone on whatsapp before chatting on tinder , getting to know a little (not too much) but enough to want to meet or not. Only when a meet is arranged should you exchange numbers and that should only be or the convenience of securing a date and time.

    Third mistake, expecting too much regular contact and then questioning the other as to why. Asking them if they are ok because you havenít heard from them is a question you should only ever ask a close relative.
    The natural assumption is that the other person is using a dating app to support their attempt to date , but not confined to it nor that it is that persons high priority.
    Itís really more like a hobby, something to do in your spare time.

    Fourth mistake, which isnít really a mistake is mentioning her distance from you.
    Itís only a mistake BECAUSE you moved the chat from Tinder to whatsapp and therefore shouldnít really be visiting her profile again as you moved the contact to a different platform.
    HAD you kept the contact to Tinder only , her distance from you would show automatically on chat and therefore would have been perfectly fine to mention, however not in the manner you did.
    Instead of I was going to message you but saw you were far away so didnít want to bother you, you would have been better off saying oh wow I see you are x distance away! I hope somewhere nice and for pleasure over work!

    So please donít get all flustered over what did happen and start swiping!!

    Oh and as for having being cheated on, thatís the past, donít let it affect your future.
    You actually have NO option but to trust another and that you must do if you want to date again.
    ONLY mistrust another when given very good reason to and no that doesnít mean because you are catastrophically thinking , itís by using logic. What are other possible scenarios someone may not have contacted me? Etc

    Good luck!!

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,244
    Gender
    Male
    Dating will go a lot better when you address this baggage and stop punishing potential dates for past sins. As long as you have a chip on your shoulder you'll be sabotaging your happiness. If you have controlling/possessive tenancies expect a lot of the healthier women to exit asap.
    Originally Posted by mattski13
    I've been hurt alot in the past by several girls who cheated on my and all I was trying to find out is she honest and loyal

  9. #28
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Land of Wind & Ghosts
    Posts
    1,321
    Talk to a therapist about trust issues. Sane women in love are naturally monogamous.

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •