Bi-polar 2 girl broke up with me, long analysis. Comfort would be nice.

Started dating a girl 1.5 years ago with Bi-polar and PTSD. It was very slow in the beginning with her not even wanting to kiss me on the first couple dates, then quickly transitioned into bouts of sex every time we hung out and constant conversations about it. She was happy for the first few months, then the drops happened and boy did they happen.

 

Constantly telling me I will leave her because of her issues

 

pushing me away then apologizing and thanking me for being understanding

 

Being happy through text, then meeting in person she is just a husk of a person unmotivated and doesn't want to do any plans we made

 

rejected physical or ignored physical gestures (Hugs never reciprocated, kisses were half assed 90% of the time, never showed me any affection)

 

extreme lack of emotional support for me, while I poured hours into asking her to explain herself so I could help or be there for her

 

manically cleaned apartment then depressingly destroyed it days later, didn't feed the cats for 2 days or more out of depression

 

constantly degraded herself and out make small digs at me when I didn't understand something or questioned something she would say "You really think you are going to be good at X career with that thought process?"

 

isolated to the point of being scared to go out and refused to go out half the time we would go to the grocery store excited then get there and she would just want to immediately leave

 

kept pushing marriage on me even 6 months into the relationship and telling me how she wants to be married in 3 years and kids soon (Her own dad told her she should probably stop asking so much)

 

she would judge my progress in school as "I am farther than you and I think you are just going to resent me or get lazy because I am farther." (Which I don't get at all, I didn't care I started later than her)

 

would constantly tell me "you can't deal with me, I am not worth it, you will leave me, you don't understand me, you can't understand me." (I tried my damnedest to be there and hear her out)

 

when we would talk she would zone out from our conversation and just start talking about what she wanted to talk about or ignore me

 

lived in a fantasy world of TV shows and Disney concept of relationships (The man is the one in charge and he needs to do most of the work) when we discussed marriage a bit after I said I would like an option with the marriage things she said (This is my wedding I am the woman, if you don't like it then we aren't getting married)

 

refused to let me move in unless we were engaged or married completely out of the blue when that wasn't our initial plan

 

would shut me out frequently and not talk

 

would give up on almost everything, even last week she "gave up" on school and failed 3 quizzes in a row because she didn't care anymore

 

she talked about suicide multiple time as glorifying the idea of being dead she took frequently more Xanax than she should have and laughed about it, took more sedatives than she should and alcohol together and just said "If I woke up, I wake up oh well,"

 

constantly degraded everyone around her calling them stupid, idiots, ect,

 

after her medication dose up and her PTSD flair up we didn't engage in any sexual activity for 3 or 4 months and she wouldn't even let me touch her as she said "I don't want any guy touching me, even you right now," (which hurt)

 

impulsively buy underwear and things she really didn't need, maxed her credit card and has ruined her score and is paying high interest

 

she complained about "zero romance" but every time I would ask to do something she would refuse it, no plans, no physical bonding, but then complained about we don't do anything...

 

would starve herself for days because of didn't want to get fat while I was by her side trying to make her food or dinner and trying to get her to eat and she just refused a lot of the time

 

Christmas we got a tree and started to set it up (A small one) halfway through she got frustrated, gave up and just laid on the couch for hours no wanting to talk or deal with anything

 

never really seemed excited for me when I achieved anything at the gym, school or just dealing with my own issues

 

would CONSTANTLY talk about her trauma and say she is good and fine but then almost immediately fall back into her pattern of self destruction, lack of awareness and spiraled backwards even when she did I was still there tell her she did a good job and trying to motivate her, but then would follow that with, Her personality just seemed to be her PTSD and Bi-Polar.

 

Would look on pintrest 24/7 and equate quotes and motivational tags to our relationship and see if they added up to them to compare if we were doing ok or not.

 

 

After all this, I still cared and tried to support her through everything and it still hurts...

 

We had good moments of conversation we had and sometimes we cuddled at night and talked, we enjoyed the gym she more or less enjoyed running more though. We were eating properly together through myfitnesspal for a bit and we talked about school a lot since we are the same major and at times she did have some awareness of herself and it made me feel so happy she was doing good and was noticing her cycles.

 

 

But then, she at times didn't tell her therapist all of her issues, didn't take her medication all the time, sometimes refused. I had to put my foot down at one point and tell her, "either you go to your therapist and get back on medication or I am leaving," and she did, but then she slowly started falling off again.

 

 

She broke up with me because she said, "You won't ever understand what it is like to have bi-polar and or PTSD and you don't help me properly (after that I tried to get her to voice exactly how she wanted me to help and she really couldn't) and she said she just wants to move from our state and get away from her triggers (Which I think she is just running from her issues which will do nothing) She tried to take a break before, but I told her we either break up for we work through it, we worked through some stuff, but now she has officially ended things as she says "We are not on the same life path) with her wanting to move by the end of the year with no prospect of a job or even schooling lined up or anything. She told me I have been the best boyfriend she has ever had, I always listened to her and never degraded or held her illness against her and worked with her always.

 

 

I feel terrible, I liked her a lot, but to be honest I think our "I love you's" might have been hollow, I worked on myself for a long time before the relationship and still have things I need to get better about (Some codependency), but I put everything into being there for her and helping her and I got really nothing in return but rare moments of a relationship and happiness followed by extreme irritant with feeling like an unpaid therapist and being around an individual that was miserable to the point of making me depressed and I started distancing myself because being around her was dragging me down.

 

 

Thank you guys for listening, it just hurts... I put a lot of myself into this and I don't think she understand how much of myself I tore out of my comfort zone for her to just kind of leave. I was a bit bad yesterday, went to my therapist and talked a bit today, I am just coasting right now, I am not in despair, but I do feel a bit of heartbreak. I wanted to give it everything even if we were always on the same page and try to work on things with her, but one day she wanted to work on things the others were just stonewalling and whatnot.

 

 

I know I shouldn't, but I feel like the one that lost here. I am kinda scared that if she does come around, I won't really have the strength to say no.

 

 

If you guys have any questions I would love to answer them or can discuss some thing with you guys, I am still trying to organize everything in my head as well, thank you guys so much for putting up with the long ramble of thought.

You are dealing with a mentally ill person. They are only capable of giving so much, especially if they are not on there meds.

 

I suggest you take a break from dating, and then find someone who does not have these problems. You should also get counseling for co dependency, so that you are not looking for people to fix. That is not a winning battle. Fix yourself.

Good for you for putting your foot down and giving this some distance. I think you tried too hard to be her therapist (maybe try and uncover with your therapist why you felt the need to fill that void or assume the knight in shining armour role). You cannot fix her or parent her in her medications. This might be good experience for you and learning to uncover what your weaknesses are. I feel like you sensed in someone a person that needs help and can improve and you jumped right in in the same way you are being helped. It's a total mirror image of your own self and what you're experiencing in your therapy but you picked a battle you could never win. Take it easy.

 

Let this go. Onward and forward.

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately she needs a psychiatrist not a relationship. Back out of this before you become collateral damage.

but now she has officially ended things

I think the thing you should be self reflecting on here is why you would, if not immediately, soon after finding out how mentally ill she is, you didn't leave her but instead you stuck it out until she "officially ended things."

 

People who are not codependent would never put up with the hoop she put you through, they wouldn't stick around to walk over the eggshells she had you walk over and they certainly wouldn't try to be her saviour from herself. When you said "either you go back on your meds and therapy or I'm gone" you should have left when she slipped again and went off her meds and didn't religiously go to her therapy.

 

She has problems that will never level out if she isn't keen to stay on her meds and get the professional help she needs to be in. You can't fix her and you should not feel guilty about not being able to.

 

Get the therapy you need to get you through your own issues of (apparent) codependency, white night syndrome and hopefully you will form the personal boundaries you need in order to get yourself quickly away from anyone like her you may run into again in your future.

 

Time will heal the pain you are feeling from the withdrawl of no longer having her in your life. Work on yourself and in the meantime, block and delete her so she can't hoover you back for more.

You know I used to have issues with peoples views on mental illness and dating. However I have learned that since I do have good insight into my own illness, how someone mentally ill may not be good for dating.

 

Not all of course that are mentally ill are bad with interpersonal relationships. I’m just noticing the majority are.

 

You’re ex girlfriend sounds like she was way too imbalanced with no insight. She doesn’t sound like someone to invest in long term. Not because she’s this horrid crazy person. Just simply because she can’t even take care of herself all that well.

 

I would be glad you don’t have the burden of her anymore weighing on your shoulders.

 

It really wasn’t you personally. She just couldn’t deal and it was all of her own issues. Relationships take work for anybody.

 

It’s just some with mental health issues it takes even more work. Because you need patience, acceptance and being selfless. Those aren’t easy things to someone battling their own demons on a constant basis.

 

I suggest you take your freedom as a good start to healing you. Figuring out what you need!

 

You sound very patient and understanding a tool that serves those whom are mentally ill well. She was very lucky to have you.

 

Now is your time.

Sorry about that, but many consider people with mental illnesses not catches.

 

Just get busy with your life and date others. Time is the great healer, in time, you'll get over this woman.

I'm not sure what you consider "comfort", but your relationship with her never stood a chance of being mutually loving, supportive or secure. She needs professional help, badly. Unless you're a mental health professional, NOT trying to be in a relationship with her, you really can't "help".

 

I would look inward to try to discover what it was about this mentally ill woman that attracts you. Do you thrive on extreme ups and downs? Do you enjoy thinking of yourself as a "rescuer"?