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Thread: Being broken up with by a relapsing alcoholic

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Terrible idea.

    You need to stop looking for validation from her, which is ultimately what you are probably doing. I don't mean to be unkind, as my ex was diagnosed BPD and I understand the very confusing emotions involved - but you are not helping anyone by contacting her. Not her, not yourself. I get that certain aspects of particularly hurtful events or conversations are not clear in your memory, but part of that is just being human. I can't perfectly recall conversations I had this morning with my coworkers. Memory isn't meant to be a perfect record. Our brains don't work like that, especially when a memory is painful. And in the end, it serves no purpose to ruminate on why you can't remember.

    You seem to still be searching for that momentary soothing of the ego that comes when she acknowledges you. That will fade in time, but only if you stop sabotaging your own healing and looking for reasons to be in touch with her. I was guilty of the same on occasion with my ex after a couple big falling-outs. However, once I had finally reached the point of genuinely wanting out, I had no desire to check in with him. Even a year or two after the break-up when he found a way to contact me (I'd blocked him everywhere else) I had no problem not responding and blocking him again. You'll get there, but you need to do the hard work and not look to her to make you feel better.
    Will most certainly do that. I just hope she seeks help for her alcohol abuse and mental wellbeing, and know that it is not my responsibility.

    Experiencing a bit love withdrawal symptoms myself, as love is also an addiction! But Iíll try to cope in healthier ways..

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    Thanks! I needed this:).

    Itís hard focussing on the current facts when I can barely remember any.. I am tempted to check on her and how she is doing , Iím worried about her mental well-being..
    Understood.... aaannnnd there you go again back into the weeds.

    Why?

    The most important thing here is that you are being mistreated.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Understood.... aaannnnd there you go again back into the weeds.

    Why?

    The most important thing here is that you are being mistreated.
    Okay! You have a point there

    Iím going to not contact and focus on my own wellbeing and take care after myself! Iíll try to snap out of it when my mind wanders to her.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Anybody thoughts on that, my apparent Ďamnesiaí for a lot of the facts?
    It was your subconscious protecting you from the abuse. Don't worry about it.

    ... and Do Not check in on her. You will just open the door to more of her alcoholic manipulation and mental/emotional abuse of you. You have to let her hit her rock bottom but she never will as long as there are people out there enabling her to keep on practicing her chit. If she contacts you again then the first thing you should ask her is if she is in rehab or treatment or going to AA meetings and if she isn't, then say your goodbyes and hang up/log off/ignore... just don't respond to anything further.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    Will most certainly do that. I just hope she seeks help for her alcohol abuse and mental wellbeing, and know that it is not my responsibility.
    Maybe she will, maybe she won't. I used to hope the same for my ex, though there were no substance abuse issues. There were, however, severe issues with emotional instability, anger and abusive tendencies.

    I don't wish him any ill-will, but at this point? I don't really care whether or not he ever gets help. His path in life has nothing to do with mine anymore. Granted, it's been a few years since we finally split, but once your heart detaches, your desire to track their well-being fades too.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lucha
    Thanks!
    And I actually might be a martyr or a saint.. i should look up what that means exactly in psychological tearms ..
    How are you a therapist not knowing what those word mean?

  8. 07-23-2019, 10:06 AM

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