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Thread: He goes hot and cold and also never meets

  1. #1
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    He goes hot and cold and also never meets

    I met this guy on a social media platform two years ago. We live in different cities almost 5 hours apart. Initially two years ago, I instantly liked him, he is like everything I would have ever wanted in a man, so the very first time we met, I suggested we should date which he politely refused stating his reasons for being busy at work and also he isnít particularly looking for anything serious and also sort of confessed that he gets easily distracted by women, so he is not the right person for me. I understood and backed off. However he didnít. He kept pursuing me after that. Sometimes it became like a silly push and pull game. It was a year of him paying compliments to me and not much of flirting though. After a good one year , things slowly escalated to engaging in phone sex. He was the one to initiate it. I wanted more meaningful relationship but I liked him anyway so I gave in. This went on for another year almost and we never met. He made a lot of plans to meet actually but never followed through. I was always confused why a man who is always super enthusiastic about me and phone sex, would never meet me in real for the actual sex. Here i want to mention that I am not a desperate chick and I get a lot of attention. For me It was like letís have something good with the person whom I genuinely like even for the moment. I was aware that he is emotionally unavailable and not a relationship type. I donít care if he is a player, I feel genuine affection for him and wanted to have a quality time with him. But I donít understand why he doesnít meet me for real. He keeps on going hot and cold. Goes cold for a week or so then come back strong only to go cold again. If i try to talk to him, he gets distant. And the excuse he gives is his super busy work and personal business. I donít know if he only plays around by having phone sex and not meet me in real. He is real though we video chat also and i have met him once. Or there are too many options that he has at his home place, that I am one of the chicks he has phone sex with. Or he wants me to chase around or is just afraid to meet because he fears that it might lead to some emotional attachment which is contrary to his player style. He always vibed as someone not shallow but just the exteriorly pretending to be so. But again I am not sure. This is confusing and frustrating. Please help.
    Last edited by Alexia009; 06-21-2019 at 03:30 AM.

  2. #2
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    He sounds like he's married or has a girlfriend.

    And even if he doesn't, why do you waste this much time on him, OP? He clearly has no intention of actually meeting up again, and you're right that you are probably one of many women he talks to. You're a distraction when he's bored or horny but he's almost certainly actually getting real sex from someone else.

    What are you getting out of this?

  3. #3
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    When and where did you meet him in person?

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    He is from my home town. I met him when I visited my hometown. I rarely visit my hometown because of my very busy work schedule. Even if i do, I donít meet him, because I always wanted him to make an effort to atleast ask me for that.

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  6. #5
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    You are right @missCanuck, I am actually getting nothing out of it, i guess i have started to like him so much and grow genuine feelings for him. And canít let go of him and stuck in an unfortunate situation where i try to let go and then he comes back and i have to start all over again.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Alexia009
    You are right @missCanuck, I am actually getting nothing out of it, i guess i have started to like him so much and grow genuine feelings for him. And canít let go of him and stuck in an unfortunate situation where i try to let go and then he comes back and i have to start all over again.
    How is that even possible when you've met him just once?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    How is that even possible when you've met him just once?
    Two years of talking, plus i am very picky. He just fitted in every aspect. It's just i picked the wrong one. I am a very successful woman career wise and confident too. I couldn't find an equally successful man for a long time except for him. I am super emotional too.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    When and where did you meet him in person?
    He is from my home town. I met him when I visited my hometown. I rarely visit my hometown because of my very busy work schedule. Even if i do, I donít meet him, because I always wanted him to make an effort to atleast ask me for that

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    He sounds like he's married or has a girlfriend.

    And even if he doesn't, why do you waste this much time on him, OP? He clearly has no intention of actually meeting up again, and you're right that you are probably one of many women he talks to. You're a distraction when he's bored or horny but he's almost certainly actually getting real sex from someone else.

    What are you getting out of this?
    This is spot on.

    Surely after 2 years you realise that you're not going to get anything more from this guy. Stop wasting your time and move on.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Alexia009
    You are right @missCanuck, I am actually getting nothing out of it, i guess i have started to like him so much and grow genuine feelings for him. And canít let go of him and stuck in an unfortunate situation where i try to let go and then he comes back and i have to start all over again.
    How is that an unfortunate situation?
    When you place yourself in a situation voluntarily itís not considered misfortune. Itís called a mistake.
    So stop making that mistake and pretending itís something out of your control.

    He hasnít in 2 years made any attempt or effort to even have sex with you.
    It doesnít matter why. Itís certainly not something you could fix even if you knew why.
    He is only interested in an online affair and likely because he has options locally.

    But he did make it very clear in the beginning that he didnít want anything from you other than what heís getting now.

    So either continue to provide that no questions asked or stop.
    Up to you entirely.

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