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Thread: He goes hot and cold and also never meets

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    How is that an unfortunate situation?
    When you place yourself in a situation voluntarily itís not considered misfortune. Itís called a mistake.
    So stop making that mistake and pretending itís something out of your control.

    He hasnít in 2 years made any attempt or effort to even have sex with you.
    It doesnít matter why. Itís certainly not something you could fix even if you knew why.
    He is only interested in an online affair and likely because he has options locally.

    But he did make it very clear in the beginning that he didnít want anything from you other than what heís getting now.

    So either continue to provide that no questions asked or stop.
    Up to you entirely.
    You sound so right. I have a question to you Billie, I was curious otherwise, as a male you can give some insight, men generally do not miss out on any opportunity to have sex considering my experience with other guys, no matter if they are married. have girl friend or casually hooking up. Experience with this guy was perplexing. Although he was himself suggesting all the time to meet, but when the time came, he never could make it blaming this on various reasons.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Alexia009
    You sound so right. I have a question to you Billie, I was curious otherwise, as a male you can give some insight, men generally do not miss out on any opportunity to have sex considering my experience with other guys, no matter if they are married. have girl friend or casually hooking up. Experience with this guy was perplexing. Although he was himself suggesting all the time to meet, but when the time came, he never could make it blaming this on various reasons.
    He is getting sex elsewhere.
    He is enjoying getting off with you while ďthinkingĒ itís not cheating.
    When he is horny he suggests meeting , itís fantasy, after he gets off thanks to you , he goes back to reality.
    When he gets horny again he contacts you because the illicit online stuff gets him off, you oblige him every time.
    He of course canít tell you the truth because if he did , you would bail and then who is he gonna get off to in his fantasy?

    You are a real person , but to him you are fictional.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I don't buy that, at least in this case. If you were picky, you wouldn't be wasting two years on a guy who is all talk, no action. You would have discarded this dude ages ago. Picky women don't hang on to a non-starter. They devote their time to men who walk the walk and nix the rest.

    I think you need to be more realistic with yourself and this situation. You have built up an idea of who this man is, based on very little real-life interaction. It's who you hope he is that you're stuck on, not who he actually is. That's likely also what happened when you suggested dating on your first and only meeting. You put the cart before the horse. I also think you need to concede that yes, you are leading with emotions and it's getting you into murky territory. You're attached to a fantasy here, because it feels good to feed the emotions that seek attention and validation from someone we like. But you're seeking it from the wrong source. He obviously is not interested beyond a phone-sex game, but you keep hoping he will change his mind and help you feel better about wasting so much time on him. Time to stop that.

    Cut this guy off.
    I agree with you. I didn't stop myself from falling for the fantasy of this guy. I saw him as i wanted to. I believed him to be good person without him actually ever proving it. In the hope of a positive outcome, i have got attached with the idea of having him as my only source of happiness. I generally tend to get less logical in relationships but here i should have been careful.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    He is getting sex elsewhere.
    He is enjoying getting off with you while ďthinkingĒ itís not cheating.
    When he is horny he suggests meeting , itís fantasy, after he gets off thanks to you , he goes back to reality.
    When he gets horny again he contacts you because the illicit online stuff gets him off, you oblige him every time.
    He of course canít tell you the truth because if he did , you would bail and then who is he gonna get off to in his fantasy?

    You are a real person , but to him you are fictional.
    This totally explains. I never thought this way. Even when i didn't oblige and tried to cut him off, his online pursuing game became stronger and I was under the impression that he genuinely likes me and must be dealing with his own insecurities. How foolish of me.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Alexia009
    This totally explains. I never thought this way. Even when i didn't oblige and tried to cut him off, his online pursuing game became stronger and I was under the impression that he genuinely likes me and must be dealing with his own insecurities. How foolish of me.
    You were his fantasy and he was yours.
    You are both responsible for allowing it to go on this long. He was of course happy to because he only considered it a fantasy.
    You wanted to make a fantasy real by obliging him with HIS fantasy.

    It doesnít matter how smart you are at work etc, you clearly arenít so smart when it comes to relationships.
    You have wasted 2 years ignoring possibilities of relationships by ignoring potentials just to have phone sex with a guy who doesnít even care to actually have sex with you. Why???!

    This is your issue not his.
    He never wanted anything more from you. You actually know this but still havenít deleted or blocked him?
    And then call that ďunfortunateĒ?

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Alexia009
    Two years of talking, plus i am very picky. He just fitted in every aspect. It's just i picked the wrong one. I am a very successful woman career wise and confident too. I couldn't find an equally successful man for a long time except for him. I am super emotional too.
    Just because someone fits all your criteria (theoretically), it doesn't mean that things work or match in real life. This is genuinely the case. Also, you don't know how he's on a day to day basis since you were with him just once, so it's hard to say that he fits your criteria for a good relationship.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You were his fantasy and he was yours.
    You are both responsible for allowing it to go on this long. He was of course happy to because he only considered it a fantasy.
    You wanted to make a fantasy real by obliging him with HIS fantasy.

    It doesnít matter how smart you are at work etc, you clearly arenít so smart when it comes to relationships.
    You have wasted 2 years ignoring possibilities of relationships by ignoring potentials just to have phone sex with a guy who doesnít even care to actually have sex with you. Why???!

    This is your issue not his.
    He never wanted anything more from you. You actually know this but still havenít deleted or blocked him?
    And then call that ďunfortunateĒ?
    Because this fantasy went on for too long. It started to seem real. I was clear in the beginning about what I am getting into. I wasn't hoping for any relationship but honestly a casual affair only. The only thing that I was not aware of, that it would end up being a virtual affair only. I am at fault because I could still stop, but it had already been too long. He too lied even when I confronted him about the same. He is well behaved, charming and above all the kind of society I come from, men are judgemental, women are still not much free to express their sexual desires. He is open minded and this comfort got the virtual thing too long and then emotional attachment with the virtual fling.


    As far as ignoring potentials for two years, there was always quantity, not quality. So I kinda hoped that this one would work. But yes you are right. He didn't care enough to have sex with me. I know he is not to blame. I am also not blaming him. But it still hurts!

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Alexia009
    You sound so right. I have a question to you Billie, I was curious otherwise, as a male you can give some insight, men generally do not miss out on any opportunity to have sex considering my experience with other guys, no matter if they are married. have girl friend or casually hooking up. Experience with this guy was perplexing. Although he was himself suggesting all the time to meet, but when the time came, he never could make it blaming this on various reasons.
    No, not all men will grab a sex opportunity even if they're married or have a girlfriend. Many non committed (and sometimes even committed) men will grab a sex opportunity if it's low effort and if it's convenient, but if they have other options or you're low on their priority list (have local women at their disposal, you're too far away or not that into you), they won't drop everything to have sex with you. They'll continue their lives. Other men are all online talk but then don't have feel confident interacting with women in real life. Whatever it is, this man doesn't want to meet you and it's about time to accept it. (I'm not a man but these are my observations to my own experiences, my friends and having several male friends)

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Alexia009
    Because this fantasy went on for too long. It started to seem real. I was clear in the beginning about what I am getting into. I wasn't hoping for any relationship but honestly a casual affair only. The only thing that I was not aware of, that it would end up being a virtual affair only. I am at fault because I could still stop, but it had already been too long. He too lied even when I confronted him about the same. He is well behaved, charming and above all the kind of society I come from, men are judgemental, women are still not much free to express their sexual desires. He is open minded and this comfort got the virtual thing too long and then emotional attachment with the virtual fling.


    As far as ignoring potentials for two years, there was always quantity, not quality. So I kinda hoped that this one would work. But yes you are right. He didn't care enough to have sex with me. I know he is not to blame. I am also not blaming him. But it still hurts!
    Yes I do feel , he should have been more honest that this is virtual only. He never made this intention clear. Because I am always honest and upfront with people. That would have worked better.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Alexia009
    Yes I do feel , he should have been more honest that this is virtual only. He never made this intention clear. Because I am always honest and upfront with people. That would have worked better.
    This is why you can't wait for other people to tell you what to do, OP.

    It should have been clear within the first couple months after your date that he had no intention of meeting again, whether he said so directly or not. You didn't need to wait until now to get that message, really.

    And he was happy with this being only virtual. It serves his purpose, which is just to cure his horniness or boredom. He wasn't about to come out and tell you that's all it would ever be, because then you would (hopefully) have cut him off.

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