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Thread: Is he unsupportive or am I expecting too much?

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Also, his expenses were reduced the moment you moved in, if the you had done the 50/50. It does not matter that you are earning more, his expenses were still less at an equal arrangement. You should never agreed this arrangement, as you were not living in a more expensive place.

    I'm assuming at the 70/30 split you were still paying for the social aspect of the relationship (dinners, movies etc), while he squirreled away his money. This was a really good deal for him.

    I am sorry, but you were a real sucker to fall for all of this!
    Yes I know you're exactly right...

    At first I felt concerned about him, but then I did bring up that same argument about the 50/50 being beneficial anyway a few months ago and he just kept repeating that it wasn't what was agreed. With work and everything else I just felt that I didn't want to deal with the stresses of a big fall out then. I raised it again now to try and have a logical conversation but no.

    And yes, foolishly in the meantime I still paid for social expenses.

    All of this sounds really stupid now I know. I just can't believe how after all of that he would be so nasty when he can see I am genuinely having a hard time and need at least someone to understand and listen, if not help financially.

  2. #42
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    The bottom line is, is that he does not/will not have your back.

    You know now, so move yourself out. Be done with him. Cut all contact.

    I have a feeling you will do very well. You simply need to get over this hump.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by Elpida90
    Yes I know you're exactly right...

    At first I felt concerned about him, but then I did bring up that same argument about the 50/50 being beneficial anyway a few months ago and he just kept repeating that it wasn't what was agreed. With work and everything else I just felt that I didn't want to deal with the stresses of a big fall out then. I raised it again now to try and have a logical conversation but no.

    And yes, foolishly in the meantime I still paid for social expenses.

    All of this sounds really stupid now I know. I just can't believe how after all of that he would be so nasty when he can see I am genuinely having a hard time and need at least someone to understand and listen, if not help financially.
    OP you havenít responded to my question re his gambling?
    Perhaps thatís a reason why sometimes he barely has 2 cents to rub together to 10ís of thousands?

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    OP you havenít responded to my question re his gambling?
    Perhaps thatís a reason why sometimes he barely has 2 cents to rub together to 10ís of thousands?
    Hi Billie,
    Perhaps you're right.
    He wasn't really gambling until the last 3-4 months which is when he started to use apps on his phone.
    I can't imagine he is making big wins though. Foolishly he thinks he can apply some sort of strategy to it and he follows all of these betting advice websites.

    For a while he was like "this is great, I keep winning!" then one week he bet and lost over $900 on the app. At the time we had argued over something separate, and he had the nerve to blame me for his losses saying "I would have never made this bet in a clear mind!" - idiot.

    We had a pretty big argument about this, especially considering the bill situation. He deleted the app from his phone but then last week I saw him on it again at which point he said "I keep winning again lately! I'll stop if I lose"

    Honestly I am just so in despair with him that I don't even want to get involved any more.

  5.  

  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You are an intelligent woman, do not ever fall for this again. He sounds ike some sort of con artist. he should be ashamed for his behavior. He is also very manipulative.

    Now you. You deserve a hell of a lot more than this crap. Drop the dead weight, and find someone that can contribute an equal amount and not leech off of you.

    Go to your parents until you get things worked out. Then, you can find a place on your own.

    Forget about this creep!
    Thank you Holly, I appreciate it.
    I am just dumbfounded in a way that someone could act this way and not have any conscience about it!

  7. #46
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He's a conman. Read up on that. Educate yourself. You and your high paying job are the perfect target for people like him. Add to that any emotional validation you need and it's the perfect storm for con men/sociopaths like him. He doesn't care, he never did. It was all an act, a typical con, superficial charm to gain your confidence, etc..

    He just wants someone to pay his gambling debts/expenses. He's laughing to himself about how you fell for it and how smart he is and what a fool you are. That's why he brazenly brags about the gambling in your face.

    Shut down any and all joint accounts, sever all finances and change all passwords on all accounts and devices. Check your credit score. Move out asap. Do not look back. Do not operate on the principle that this is a relationship/partnership. It never was, he's a con man and you were an easy mark. Address this reality for the sake of damage control and your sanity.
    Originally Posted by Elpida90
    And yes, foolishly in the meantime I still paid for social expenses. I just can't believe how after all of that he would be so nasty when he can see I am genuinely having a hard time and need at least someone to understand and listen, if not help financially.

  8. #47
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    Originally Posted by Elpida90
    Thank you Holly, I appreciate it.
    I am just dumbfounded in a way that someone could act this way and not have any conscience about it!
    Unfortunately, there are a lot of users and jerks out there.

    Next time, act on the red flags.

    I agree with Wisey's comment.

  9. #48
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    He's not going to "change".

    So you must decide if his attitude is something you can live with forever or if it (and the relationship) doesn't work for you anymore.

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