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Thread: Questioning One's Own Relationship

  1. #21
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Fictional TV doesn't trouble me S, in fact I don't even watch that.

    It's the true crime documentaries and movies that I love, the dark.

    I dunno, I suppose I have a love/hate thing going with it, so somehow I am just going have to mentally reconcile this within myself and continue to manage my anxiety best I can.

    Truth is, you see it everyone, on the news, people talking about it out and about, reading about these things on forums like this!

    In fact, it was the thread I read today that triggered all this.

    Anyway, thanks guys, your posts have been very helpful!
    I love all that stuff too, but it doesnít make me doubt my husband. You have to separate who he is from the crap on tv .

  2. #22
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    Itís easy to get caught up in the what ifís! Especially when things are too good to be true.

    Itís human nature to know nothing is perfect and we arenít the exception.

    Itís also not easy to have blind faith when your hearts been hurt before.

    I think you just need to put trust that your boyfriend is a good guy and if anything were to happen itís not the end of the line. There is always someone better if the one youíre with isnít meant to work out.

    Lisa

  3. #23
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    You work in an environment that deals with people's troubles and the majority of posts on this forum are about predicaments, too. So it's easy to get discouraged when you hear a lot about breakups, infidelity and so on. Still, there are successes. Many of them. We don't even have to look that far. We can find some beautiful success stories amongst the members that help OP'ers with their quandaries. For example, the enotalone members that have been married for a very long time.

    Some other great news on that topic. It was mentioned in an interview recently that Irwin Winkler has been married for sixty years! SIXTY, despite all the difficulties they faced. How incredible is that!

    His answer as to what made their marriage last 60 plus years in a very volatile industry was: "We just love each other. We started with nothing, which I think maybe is part of the built of a relationship and we just love each other. It's as simple as that." Later he mentions:"Basically you really have to care about the person next to you and think if you are married or in a relationship for a long period of time that that person is sharing everything with you, everything in your life with you and it's as important as your life yourself. There's no separation between the two."

    I honestly admire such people. They show us that having a fulfilling long-term marriage is possible. Yeah, it's work but it's possible. Finding someone with the right values for that to happen is also possible!


    Anyhow, Katrina, I truly hope that you find what your heart desires!

  4. #24
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    This is what my mother called "borrowing trouble".

    What if, what if. What if you walk out your front door and an anvil falls on your head? Should you refuse to leave home? What if the pastries you bought are infected with botulism? Should you stop eating?

    Living your life in fear is no life at all
    .
    Nailed it.

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  6. #25
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I love all that stuff too, but it doesnít make me doubt my husband. You have to separate who he is from the crap on tv .
    I second this post.

  7. #26
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    I wondered when I read this whether his lying to you (by omission, sounds like) about his previous marriage made you doubt him a bit generally as in what else is he lying about? If not, and you're over that I wholeheartedly agree with the others. I read and see tons of stuff about infidelity since I am on two huge moms groups on Facebook so of course..... and no it doesn't trigger doubts about my marriage. And yes there are one or two women he works with who I don't trust completely. And I trust him so "the end". And I even like one of these women! Sometimes if I OD on negative posts about marriage/commitment it puts me in a sad mood so I know it's too much.

    Thanks for sharing -interesting topic and I'm glad this helped you.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    This is what my mother called "borrowing trouble".

    What if, what if. What if you walk out your front door and an anvil falls on your head? Should you refuse to leave home? What if the pastries you bought are infected with botulism? Should you stop eating?

    Living your life in fear is no life at all.
    No argument from me about that!

    I completely agree, which is why I created this thread.

    I know my thoughts are irrational, I was looking for advice on how to squelch those irrational thoughts, and also if anyone else has experienced this.

    I received some great suggestions, including my own conclusion that I am just going to have to somehow reconcile these thoughts otherwise they have the potential of destroying our relationship.

    So gonna work on that, thanks!!

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I wondered when I read this whether his lying to you (by omission, sounds like) about his previous marriage made you doubt him a bit generally as in what else is he lying about? If not, and you're over that I wholeheartedly agree with the others. I read and see tons of stuff about infidelity since I am on two huge moms groups on Facebook so of course..... and no it doesn't trigger doubts about my marriage. And yes there are one or two women he works with who I don't trust completely. And I trust him so "the end". And I even like one of these women! Sometimes if I OD on negative posts about marriage/commitment it puts me in a sad mood so I know it's too much.

    Thanks for sharing -interesting topic and I'm glad this helped you.
    Hey Bat, thanks! Yeah I have completely moved on from that "lie of omission."

    This is really my own issue stemming from my own anxiety; fortunately I do not discuss these thoughts with my bf, seeking reassurance, etc.

    It's my issue to resolve and through hell or high water, I will! One way or the other.

  10. #29
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    Whenever I have an intrusive thought I literally tell myself "that's an intrusive thought. It has no basis in reality".

    Works every time.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Whenever I have an intrusive thought I literally tell myself "that's an intrusive thought. It has no basis in reality".

    Works every time.
    Did you come up with that specific wording so that it becomes a mantra or does it work for you even if you use similar wording/phrasing?

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