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Issued a final warning at work - I have questions


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Today I was given a final warning in my job. I have some questions and would like to just feel out if my instincts are right.

 

My warning is for attendance and a couple of other work-related errors I've made in the past few months. I love my job and I love my boss, but I've had a very rough year in terms of health and personal/family problems, and my attendance has suffered. I'm not arguing the warning - I agree with it. Basically, I was told that I do a great job most of the time and that I have a lot of potential to grow in my company, but the position I am in is one where I am trusted to be here and do my work properly and timely. My boss explained that he understands and even sympathizes with the issues I've had to deal with this year, the reality is that the kind of company I'm in and the field this is means that outside of this office, no one cares what happens to me and mine, and what matters is getting my work done. He told me that he loves my work and that he trusts it, and he hopes I will be here in a year, five years, ten years, but that I need to really ask myself if this is a career I want and if I think I can basically buckle down, deal with whatever's going on in my life and make this job my priority.

 

 

I want to keep this job. I love the field I'm in and I have a good position here. I am trusted with many things that I've never really done prior to working here and I've come a long way. I like feeling that what I do is important. But the reality is that I am not really an asset right now, until I prove that I am.

 

I sat through the meeting with my boss and the office admin basically trying to keep from sobbing. I cried and made notes of things I need to improve on and listened to them tell me that they like me and want me to be here, but that I've missed so much work that it's a big deal. I couldn't really say anything without ugly crying, so I didn't. But now that I've had the talk, I want them to know that I heard them, that I agree with what they say and that I love it here and want to be an asset again. I want to continue my path with the company and prove that they did well when they hired me.

 

I know that the only way to do that is by action, but I wanted to also maybe send an email to them both to at least give them the confirmation that I took the meeting to heart and that I will do better. I don't want them to think that it fell on deaf ears because I didn't really respond. Is it a good idea to do this, or should I just not mention it again and strive to improve my performance as instructed?

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I think a quick email might be good! Let them know that you appreciate the meeting and that you are going to make the needed changes. Keep it simple. Don't apologize. Just say thank you, I heard you, I am going to do my job well, and keep it at that!

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I know that the only way to do that is by action, but I wanted to also maybe send an email to them both to at least give them the confirmation that I took the meeting to heart and that I will do better. I don't want them to think that it fell on deaf ears because I didn't really respond. Is it a good idea to do this, or should I just not mention it again and strive to improve my performance as instructed?

 

I've been in the other seat, as a supervisor with young people, such as yourself and had the very same conversations that either fell on deaf ears or took years to turn around.

 

In my experience, I can expect to get defensive answers and resistance to take any ownership of the feedback that's given.

 

It's typical in my company that I reiterate in writing everything we just discussed and email it them. It serves as reinforcement and documentation.

 

From this side I would very much appreciate a letter from an employee after a challenging conversation like this. I think it's a good idea. More importantly, prove them wrong with actions that back up your words.. But I think you already know that :)

 

Hang in there!

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I'm sorry to hear about your troubles at work. I think you can pair a brief word with your boss with long term actions. Arrive to work on time, make sure you plan ahead for any appointments or issues that might conflict with your work schedule, try and work around your work schedule a little more effectively and follow up with your coworkers on the work that's been missed. It sounds like your missed attendance as affected the team and they have probably felt it more than your boss in particular. Do you genuinely see your attendance improving? It didn't sound like this was up to you in the first place. If the circumstances have changed you might like to keep your boss and your teammates in the loop.

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I had to write up a member of my team for not following procedure, including being consistently late. Being late or absent means someone else has to do your work without getting any of your paycheck.

 

My associate has promised me time and again to do better but the actions have not followed. This person will be termed in two weeks if there is not significant improvement.

 

I admire you for admitting your responsibility and for wanting to make positive change. Let them know in a brief email, then follow up with action.

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I think the note is a nice idea, but I think that your actions are what is important.

 

Agree.

 

To be the devil's advocate... OP I hear you say that you love your job, your boss, and your company, I have to ask though... are you absolutely sure you can do this without suffering physically or emotionally? I can tell you don't want to give up and I think that's admirable, however I also think it's very important to sit down and reflect on whether or not you really are capable of doing what they ask. Because if you do this and you continue to struggle, you only hurt yourself and them more in the long run.

 

I say this because I had someone working for me that really struggled, for months, to keep up with her performance... she knew in her heart that she wanted to be a stay at home mom but was afraid to let go and take the plunge... so it was a constant battle of her hearts desire and her fear... towards the end of her performance improvement plan she got news that her husband was transferring and they would be moving, and she would be able to stay at home. I am very glad it happened that way because it got to be her choice... the other option would have been terminating her which is awful for everyone involved.

 

No right or wrong answer just food for thought.

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Thanks all for the advice.

 

I do foresee my attendance issues improving over the next half of the year. I missed a lot of work earlier in the year due to breaking an ankle. They allowed me to use a work laptop to work from home, so I still worked, but not at the capacity I'd normally work at and I wasn't able to do about half of my normal duties. I also had a very ill family member that clung to life for the duration of 2019 and her frequent hospital visits required me and my mom to tag team in order to make sure she wasn't alone, so I missed some work then as well. She passed a few weeks ago, so that's done. But the physical and mental toll of both of those things made me miss additional work occasionally, and that should not have happened.

 

 

 

I am not able to use a work laptop at home anymore, but hopefully next week we are migrating from one work program to another, and the new one is cloud-based, so I can access it at home. It will be nice to work on some things from home that I can't get to sometimes during the day, due to taking work calls. My job is 8-5, but in reality I could work much more than 40 hours per week and still not be "caught up"; and for now, I am okay with putting in the extra time without the extra pay in order to prove that I'm here and I'm willing to do anything I need to do in order to stay.

 

I think I will sleep on it and then send a polite "I heard you and I'm taking actions to improve my performance" email to them both tomorrow morning.

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Agree.

 

To be the devil's advocate... OP I hear you say that you love your job, your boss, and your company, I have to ask though... are you absolutely sure you can do this without suffering physically or emotionally? I can tell you don't want to give up and I think that's admirable, however I also think it's very important to sit down and reflect on whether or not you really are capable of doing what they ask. Because if you do this and you continue to struggle, you only hurt yourself and them more in the long run.

 

I say this because I had someone working for me that really struggled, for months, to keep up with her performance... she knew in her heart that she wanted to be a stay at home mom but was afraid to let go and take the plunge... so it was a constant battle of her hearts desire and her fear... towards the end of her performance improvement plan she got news that her husband was transferring and they would be moving, and she would be able to stay at home. I am very glad it happened that way because it got to be her choice... the other option would have been terminating her which is awful for everyone involved.

 

No right or wrong answer just food for thought.

 

Thanks for your input. I do feel right now that I am not performing very well and that while I try very hard, I'm just not at the level I need to be at in order to do what's needed for this position. But I have failed in, like, three other professional jobs, and I just can't fail again. I won't allow it. I've allowed it to happen before and I can't do that, can't start over again. I am better than the current output and I just need to get it in my head that it doesn't matter what happens, I need to make this work.

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Attendance is your main issue, and obviously this is your main focus.

 

Pick your three worst areas and concentrate on those...attendance is #1, and then the others...most time needs to go towards your personal reliability to the workplace and the customers, clients, and coworkers...second, pay attention to your next biggest flaws.

 

Truly, I don't know that "work from home" is the most ideal for you, since your personal life drags you in other directions. In an office, you have a *natural barrier*. At home, you have to utilize personal boundaries and make use of personal goals and restrictions...meaning, the laundry can wait, the phone call can wait, the desperate family member can leave a message and wait...you are *at work*, even though you are at home.

 

No exceptions.

 

You are "at the office" the second you log in.

 

The biggest termination reason for a majority of the hirelings in my business is attendance. It's a really big company, and no-shows affect me in some fashion, but not obvious...the business boots you out the door pretty fast. Someone who seems smart and highly motivated and an asset is given extra rope, but you'd better get your ducks in a row because that rope is reaching an end, really fast. Your employer is not invested in your personal life so much that they want to shuttle bus your responsibilities to other people and create overtime or loss in stats and having to pay penalties as a result, or loss of business.

 

When working in a small business, 10 employees or so?? Let me tell you how fast you will become the biggest enemy if you are the one who "always calls in sick." I have a date this weekend or I have plans to go to The City this weekend; I have plans to be a slug on the sofa and catch up on laundry and housework; I'm really excited that I have *no plans*;...but wait!...Becky is calling in sick again, looks like I'm working...I hate Becky...I haven't had a day off in two weeks! I have to cancel my plans for Becky! My child is sick; my family member needs my assistance...Becky! Becky isn't showing up, so I'm going to have to show up.

 

The simple answer is show up. Few people are going to tolerate sketchy attendance for very long.

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"I do foresee my attendance issues improving over the next half of the year."

 

This is a problem.

 

Going by what you wrote and based on your reference to a "final warning ", you don't have half a year to get your attendance in gear. That needs to happen today.

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I also had a very ill family member that clung to life for the duration of 2019 and her frequent hospital visits required me and my mom to tag team in order to make sure she wasn't alone,

 

There was no reason, unless the family member was your daughter, you needed to go with your mother to make sure she was not alone. Your mom was there to make sure the family member was not alone. I am guessing it was not a FMLA qualifying situation -- relative wasn't close enough , you were not the caregiver.

 

I think you approach this by not being late again and not missing. If you work a desk job, you can certianly go to work with a broken ankle - or call Lyft or Uber. Unless you have to drive a clutch.

 

Do not snivvle, do not cry, just be at work 15 minutes before you are supposed to be there and put in your all.

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Thanks for your input. I do feel right now that I am not performing very well and that while I try very hard, I'm just not at the level I need to be at in order to do what's needed for this position. But I have failed in, like, three other professional jobs, and I just can't fail again. I won't allow it. I've allowed it to happen before and I can't do that, can't start over again. I am better than the current output and I just need to get it in my head that it doesn't matter what happens, I need to make this work.

 

Perhaps consider getting a coach then? They can help you strategize and set goals and create a structure to allow yourself to be successful. They can also act as a sounding board and hold you accountable for meeting those goals.

 

Something to think about [emoji846]

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Yikes. Some of you seem like you haven't read my post at all. I know I effed up. I know I need to work on my performance. Obviously I am aware of how precarious my position is right now. There's really no need to drill it into me further.

 

Abitbroken, what I meant by tag team was that my mom and I swapped off spending time at the hospital separately so that my family member was not alone. We weren't at the hospital together. Please don't presume to know my family's situation and tell me what I should and shouldn't do when it comes to death and sickness. Thanks.

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"I do foresee my attendance issues improving over the next half of the year."

 

This is a problem.

 

Going by what you wrote and based on your reference to a "final warning ", you don't have half a year to get your attendance in gear. That needs to happen today.

 

Agreed. I was responding to someone else's comment about asking if I could see any issues coming up that would hamper my attendance.

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"I do foresee my attendance issues improving over the next half of the year."

 

This is a problem.

 

Going by what you wrote and based on your reference to a "final warning ", you don't have half a year to get your attendance in gear. That needs to happen today.

 

Do not foresee -- do it.

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I don't think the responders on here are intending to be harsh. For the record, to answer your initial question, an e-mail letting them know that you heard them and offering a thank you for the honesty and criticism can't hurt.

 

I think what others are trying to get across is that if this a chronic problem, coming up with excuses for why it's happening and seeking support for those excuses is going to lead you to you losing another job.

 

I hate working. I grew up in an indulgent family household that let me skip school frequently growing up. I really had to grind it into myself as an adult that part of a strong work ethic was having acceptable attendance. Showing up really matters. Every day you wake up and you think of a reason to not go, counter it.

 

For the record, I'm not judging you. I am not suggesting you work yourself to the bone or even that you have to like work. I just know if you want to make it in this world that you have to push yourself, even though personal tragedies. Good luck turning it around!

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I think a quick followup that emphasizes that you will make the required changes would be good. And of course, actions matter more so I'm sure you'll follow through.

 

Work can really suck sometimes. If you want to improve attendance (I do this for myself, BTW, so I am not blowing this out my bum), I would make yourself a strict rule of what you will and will not call out for. And stick to it.

 

If a close family member dies or is critically I'll suddenly okay, permissible. Follow up and get the documentation for FMLA if needed. But going forward, I wouldn't call out for family issues. See to them after work as best you can. Don't call out for health unless you're in 10/10 pain, vomiting, flu, or other serious problems. Even emotional problems, there's very little I would call out for. I got off a long shift, broke off with K, went into a hotel, and then got up and worked for another 3 days. You CAN do this. We all have a reserve in us for trying times and you just need to tap into it and remind yourself of the priorities.

 

A question - are you on salary? I'm wondering if you'd be more motivated at a professional job that pays hourly. Such a job would naturally dock your pay if you're late/absent because it's hourly, outside of a set number of sick days per year. Just soemthing to consider. I work a professional job now but am still paid hourly (thank GOD, I love OT) and I'll tell you it's motivating when you remind yourself "yeah I could call in but that's 12 hrs of paid time off I can't use later when I'm actually very sick, so I'd end up losing pay!"

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A follow-up email to your warning isn't a bad idea, OP.

 

However, given that you said you have failed at three other jobs, there are evidently deeper issues going on that something circumstantial with an ill family member. I don't doubt that dealing with a serious illness in the family hindered your performance and attendance at work. But it appears this is not the only period in which you haven't been able to manage your professional responsibilities.

 

An old friend of mine struggled with the same problem. She'd get a job, do great for a while, then revert back into old habits of taking too much time off and not fulfilling her obligations at work. She would call in sick, find reasons to leave early, slack on what she was supposed to do. On many occasions, she was called in to meetings with her employers and warned that she could be terminated. Nearly every job has ended this way, with the employer finally giving her her walking papers or giving her the option of quitting so she didn't have a termination on her record. She struggles a lot with anxiety and depression, always has, and this has indeed affected her ability to hold down steady work. She no longer works at all, in fact. Nobody will hire her with the poor employment record she has and she frankly isn't that upset about it. Her mental health is delicate.

 

Have you had any similar issues in your life? I think that to see real improvement, you are going to need to reflect deeply on whatever the undelying problems are. There is a pattern that sheer willpower is unlikely to change.

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