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Thread: Anxiety, doubtfulness of own feelings

  1. #1
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    Anxiety, doubtfulness of own feelings

    Iíve (M 20) been with my girlfriend (F 21) for around 4 months now and everything has been great. She makes me very happy and I couldnít ask for a better person by my side. I canít picture myself with anyone but her even though itís been a very short time.

    But for some reason I get really anxious for no reason about our future. She tells me she pictures a future with me and I do too. I love her but Iím not in love with her atm (Weíve both established that we are on the same page). I get random negative thoughts and doubt my feelings. I start overthinking and over analyzing everything. Like we spent a whole weekend together and after I dropped her off I didnít miss her. But that then other days, I miss her like crazy!

    I have also only been hanging out with her and havenít seen my other friends that much because everyone is busy with sports and jobs. It seems as if I get any negative feelings (like not missing her) I resort to everything not working out and overthink and psyche myself out.

    Why?? Is this a defense mechanism because of my past? My last relationship was really bad for me emotionally. I was in love with my last girlfriend a few years ago who was not in love with me and it hurt me for a very long time. I ended up pushing anyone away that was interested in me and it was very hard for me to catch genuine feelings for someone.

    I really just want to be happy.

    This is the second time this has happened, where I get into a routine of this and overthink about it for a long time. The last time this happened I got out of that bad habit of overthinking and it felt like everything was normal again. I even started falling for her. But then I start overthinking and I get very confused.

    Thank you for reading.
    Last edited by NS2B1; 07-02-2019 at 01:28 PM.

  2. #2
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    You know, if you are not in love with her, you are simply not in love with her. Do you have more of a friendship? I think--especially given that it has only been four months--if you are not missing her when you are not together, then perhaps you aren't as "all in" as you think. Do you think that, if you were to break things off, you would be sad?

  3. #3
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    We get along like best friends. I would be sad if we broke things off.

  4. #4
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    Do you think that you might be better off as friends?

  5.  

  6. #5
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    No, I donít plan on leaving her. I just want an explanation as to why I doubt everything so much. We have a great time when we are together but when we are apart I overthink and stress about every feeling I feel and try to justify it. I donít know why.

  7. #6
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    You doubt things because you are not in love with her. You probably doubt that she is in love with you. It's a circular cycle.

    Do you feel like you are settling for this relationship due to your past?

  8. #7
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    Not at all, Iíve tried with many other girls in the past and I either pushed them away or it didnít work out after my first real relationship. When my current gf and I first hooked up I knew it was special. We talked for hours throughout the night in bed together and connected. I knew I liked it the day after.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by NS2B1
    No, I donít plan on leaving her. I just want an explanation as to why I doubt everything so much. We have a great time when we are together but when we are apart I overthink and stress about every feeling I feel and try to justify it. I donít know why.
    Because you are only 20 and not yet ready for a serious relationship; your fear is causing you to question your feelings and I would imagine, the more serious it gets you may even become totally turned off and push her away.

    You liked her in the beginning because it was new, fresh and exciting.

    The novelty has worn off, reality kicked in and it's heading towards serious, something you are not emotionally ready for or even want.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by NS2B1
    Not at all, Iíve tried with many other girls in the past and I either pushed them away or it didnít work out after my first real relationship. When my current gf and I first hooked up I knew it was special. We talked for hours throughout the night in bed together and connected. I knew I liked it the day after.
    It? You knew you liked her the day after? Not right then? Does that tell you nothing?

  11. #10
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    Excuse me I meant her, lol.

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