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Thread: Online chat rooms

  1. #1

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    Online chat rooms

    I have been with my partner for 3 years and just received a message from a women to say that she has been speaking to my partner for a few days online. These messages relate to sex talk. After confronting him it turns out he has been commenting and messaging women on sexual photos for the entire time we have been together, and before hand. I feel like our relationship has been a lie. We have a great sex life but he says he gets bored when heís working and it makes him feel aroused. What should I do and how would you feel if this were you.? It has knocked my confidence and I donít know if I can move on past this.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's a betrayal. He is sharing intimacy with strangers.

    It's not just looking at pics or porn, he is actually engaging with these women.

    It is a form of cheating.

    What would I do and how would I feel? Cheated on and I would feel like you too, that our entire relationship was based on lies. He is definitely not a one woman man.

    I would end it. I don't want a liar and a cheater. Who would??

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How did she know about you and have your contact info? This is not about you. Considering ending things if he is deceitful and blames this on "boredom".
    Originally Posted by Kstar348
    I have been with my partner for 3 years and just received a message from a women to say that she has been speaking to my partner for a few days online. he gets bored when heís working and it makes him feel aroused.

  4. #4

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    We met through a friend. He was very hurt when I met him from a previous relationship and has offered to go to counselling to find out why heís done this. He had no idea of the damage it would do and I wonder if he was ever really ready to get involved in another relationship

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Really?! What it comes down to, is he was thinking with his willy. He wants more than one woman sexually and is willing to do this.

    Counselling can't sort that out, self control is the only thing that will.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Kstar348
    I have been with my partner for 3 years and just received a message from a women to say that she has been speaking to my partner for a few days online. These messages relate to sex talk. After confronting him it turns out he has been commenting and messaging women on sexual photos for the entire time we have been together, and before hand. I feel like our relationship has been a lie. We have a great sex life but he says he gets bored when heís working and it makes him feel aroused. What should I do and how would you feel if this were you.? It has knocked my confidence and I donít know if I can move on past this.
    To me, this suggests some sort of sexual addiction, and given this "double life" that he's apparently leading, how can you be sure he's hasn't gone even further with other women and actually had sex with them?

    Bottom line, he doesn't respect you or your relationship, clearly.

    And telling you he's doing it out of boredom? Seriously?

    The man needs serious help, up to you if you want to stick around while he attempts to "fix" himself, through therapy, even rehab, if he's even open to that.

    Me? I would not.

    Sex addiction is no different from any other addiction, sex is his "drug" of choice, even if it's only done on line.

    Expect it to escalate, which means if he's not having actual sex now with these women (which he very well may be), he eventually will be.

    Your call, good luck.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    If he had no idea the damage this would do he would have been upfront and unashamed. He would have told you, early on, that he quells boredom at work by getting his rocks off through online quasi-intimacy and wanted a committed relationship with someone who was cool with that.

    But he didn't tell you because he knew that you, like most women walking the earth, would not be cool with that kind of dynamic. And also, probably, because he hates himself a little bit for being this kind of dude.

    I could go down the wormhole of doing a thumbnail sketch of how you both arrived at this pointóhow he was too damaged early, how that created a damaged foundation in which his damage was rewarded instead of worked through, and so onóbut the real question right now is: Do you really even want to make this something you attempt to work through, together?

    I mean, this is who he is and this stuff runs deep. There are all sorts of ways to deal with boredom. This is his, and has been for years. This is pathology, along the lines of addiction as much as infidelity. Remove the lies (which are lies to himself as much as they are to you) and you still have that. Do you want to be with an "honest" version of that? A "recovering" version of that? Those are the questions to be asking right nowóand for many just asking them would be the answer that this is not a relationship to continue being in.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kstar348
    We met through a friend. He was very hurt when I met him from a previous relationship and has offered to go to counselling to find out why heís done this. He had no idea of the damage it would do and I wonder if he was ever really ready to get involved in another relationship
    That he would say, much less believe he has no idea of the damage this would do speaks to how shady he is... possibly he has some sort of sex addiction... and if thatís the case itís likely he will always be battling that urge to act out. Thatís a lot to take on in a relationship.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    He's been doing it the entire "relationship", meaning he's never been the committed and loving man you perceived him to be.

    I would leave him to his online women and find someone who was satisfied with having just me.

  11. #10
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    Leave. No counselling will change him and why bother? He did this through your whole relationship. You can do SO much better than this.


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