Originally Posted by yatsue
I can see what you mean. Relationships really do test compatibility all the time in that sense, whether we consciously test it or not. I do still appreciate the ongoing ponderings. Gets the noodle to see in different angles. I think you and Jibralta highlight a good overlaying point: there is no set standard that makes a relationship work. Different people mean different styles, or ways, to approach things. What works for one person, may not work for another. However, I believe the point where it comes to differences that are too great to overcome, is when you both can no longer effectively communicate. Like you said, you can't fit a square peg into a round hole, except I don't see it as having differences in general. It is the kind of differences.

Everyone here doesn't really talk about their own problems in their "working" relationships. Relationships DO have problems you two need to solve together. Heck, not having any problems is even an issue, since it can indicate a lack of communication and/or suppressing problems/feelings. I believe the deciding factor is how you handle those problems when they rear their ugly head. Is it calm and collected while talking it out, and then coming to an understanding afterwards? Or is it while screaming, getting physical, having the cops involved, and then not coming to an understanding afterwards? I tend to look for the first scenario, when it comes to what works in a relationship. There are many levels in between those two extremes, but I do continue a relationship when I see we can still talk about an issue in a healthy manner. Of course, there are deal breakers, which is the point where differences are too great to be able to talk through and come to a mutual understanding.

I gotta say, not communicating and instead "knowing" how to read your partner completely is just plain old foreign to me. There is still some level of that I have in my relationships, although that mainly comes in time for me. No one can read my mind, and I cannot read another person's. To be fair, I did have some expectation here to an extent, but that's one area where I went wrong. After time, is only when people can start to read me more. Sure, some have tried to guess. Sometimes it is spot on, while others it was completely missing the mark (even when this is the same person). I haven't found anyone yet, even in any other kind of relationship besides a romantic one, who could completely read me. Is there a person, or people, like this out there for me who I just haven't met yet? Doubtful. If I haven't met anyone like this yet in any kind of faucet in life, then I don't think so. Not saying I'm a unique snowflake or anything, just that I'm one person who has their own traits.

People are flawed and are going to show them eventually, which may lead to issues to tackle in the context of a relationship. The deciding factor that makes or breaks a relationship IMO is how you both handle and work it out, while still maintaining strong feelings for each other. I see this in the one I'm in, despite the issues and feelings muddying the waters, to have potential in being able to resolve problems in a healthy way. Call me crazy (many do), if we can come to some common ground in the context of a closed monogamous relationship, then it is worth seeing us through. Does that mean I'm trying to force the peg into the hole? I don't think so. We have a lot in common, are invested, heading in the direction of taking this more seriously, and have strong feelings (despite the speculation of others). Do I think we can work it out? My answer is, it depends on us.
Yatsue, I dont think anyones was knocking your situation. I think many were just pointing out the facts that you may be missing being in the clouds. This was a situation where there was more assumption than communication, some game playing (own it, its ok) fear and lack of knowledge, its a lot for it only being a 6 month courtship, an open one at that, making your actual one on one connection time even shorter than 6 months, no one is knocking your situationship by acknowledging that nor is anyone knocking it by suggesting you acknowledge it.

I think your situation has potential too, said as much, but it wont if you continue to carry on as you are. Learn who you are, what your boundaries are and expectations, express them. Stick to them, know when its broken is when you walk away.