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Thread: Boyfriend kissed another girl, is it my fault?

  1. #11
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    Yes, thats true. I do feel ressentful. I feel like he has friends and money and I don't. And he has the choice to go off when he wants, while I am at home depressed. Its not his fault that I feel that way. But sometimes I feel like I'm playing a mother. I don't mind cooking or cleaning the flat, since these things I enjoy doing/had to do when I'm alone anyway. But he didn't make the effort of doing little things around the place much, which working people have to do too really. Of course, I am a student and he is working, so I saw it as fair. But to do all that and then have the energy to see other people was very difficult for me, so I started feeling very alone and lonely. All my energy was focused on getting my work done for school and on him. I know I should have just made time for myself and stopped focusing on him but since our relationship was a little off I wanted to do my best to make him happy and not be unsupportive. I told him this, and that I felt lonely and asked him why couldn't I come with him. Its a place I've never been and I really rarely go with him when he sees his mates (who are far away, so he doesn't often either).
    He didn't really want me to, which I understand because he said he wanted to be with his mate. I don't think he understood how lonely I'd been feeling. So when he told me they were having a party with a load of people that day, I thought: Well why couldn't I be there, too? Whats wrong with me? And so the depression (which I get pretty bad when stressed up, worried and lonely but don't have it all the time) started settling in over myself and my life; and the anger and ressentment towards him took over.

  2. #12
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    If I were him I would have brought you on more trips with me. That seems weird.

    But if something was off in your relationship, doing more housework wasn't going to fix it. In a healthy relationship each person has their own life along with the parts that are shared. The unbalance here is he has his own life and you don't. Go out and start building that one because your relationship (or future relationships) don't work well in these kinds of circumstances.

  3. #13
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    Sometimes he asks me to come and sometimes he doesn't. Usually I say no its okay because I want some self time anyway. But its kind of always up to him to invite me or not. He has already been to Germany to the place where his mate is, both times he didn't invite me. There was other times when I wanted to take a trip with him somewhere (once it was to manchester and another time to london, not far from the places he was living, during our LDR) and he didn't feel like it but then he ends up doing it with his mate. Which makes me feel jealous. Financially its more difficult for me to take these trips but I wouldn't have minded spending a bit to have a fun experience with him. He's says we do do things together and its true but sometimes I feel like he'd rather do more "fun" things with his mates.

    Yes, I will definitley be doing that, the fact that he kissed that other girl has given me a wake-up call that I need to get back on my tracks and focus on my own life.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Teddygirl
    I wanted to split up with him because of the issues we've been having. I hadn't actually split up with him and he knows it. He knows these issues and he knows that I would have been open to discuss it. I know it was very hurtful, but I don't see it as a reason to kiss someone else. If you're upset with someone that you love, is that a normal response then?
    Except no, you weren't. Your phone "died." And assuming that's even the truth and you decided to head off to a concert alone without a phone, you couldn't be bothered to let it charge for 10 minutes once you'd just dropped a massive bombshell on him. Not proud to admit it, but in my way early days, I was the type to pull something incredibly ****ty like essentially ruining my girlfriend's evening out of spite and letting her wallow in it. And that's exactly what it is: an incredibly ****ty thing to do. Frankly, if at that point the guy wanted to mack on a lady as any kind of distraction, I say more power to him.

    I think you've got too much on your plate right now to handle a healthy relationship. I think whether you meant it or not, you made the right choice asking him to leave. I'd stick to that decision for both your benefits.

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  6. #15
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    When I admitted to him I was jealous of his mates, he said I shouldn't be and that theres enough space in his heart for everyone

  7. #16
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    Wow you're being very rude. Yes, it is the truth, my phone did die. I went out with my phone, it wasn't charged much because I was out all that day. Not soon after I went home because I didn't want to walk home without a charged phone, actually. He hadn't responded to me during that whole night, even before I had said I wanted to us to break-up. It was only when I woke up the next morning that I saw he had responded, during the night, at 2-4am.
    I know I'm piece of crap, I'm trying to figure out why and how to stop, if you don't mind reading the other posts.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Are you getting professional help? You talk about suicidal thoughts and being depressed. This is serious, and handling your depression and suicidal thoughts should be your first priority right now.

  9. #18
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    You need to sort out your own issues first.


    He didn't cheat on you. YOU ended it through text. Don't test people like that, it's a really crappy thing to do. He isn't in the wrong at all.

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