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Thread: First date tomorrow after 2.5 year relationship. Feeling nervous/ anxious

  1. #1
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    First date tomorrow after 2.5 year relationship. Feeling nervous/ anxious

    Hi

    Last week my partner of 2.5 years whom I supported through some very difficult times dumped me over text. They were really not nice about it and I felt the only way to get over it was to distract myself with my career, fitness, family and downloaded a dating app. I have been talking to a guy for 5 days who has invited me
    On a date tomorrow night.

    I feel really nervous about it. Iíve never felt this nervous about a date and now Iím getting cold feet worrying if itís too soon or if I need to push myself to get out there again? Any advice/ tips would be very helpful and much appreciated.

    Thanks

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't ghost. You've already planned a date. Just have a quick coffee and see how it goes. Do not talk about your ex. Even if you are not ready to date a bit of practice meeting people could be ok. If it doesn't work out politely say so and take a d break from dating.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Dating is one of the best therapies. Make sure you meet in a public place such as a restaurant, and don't leave your drink unattended. Go have fun!

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not sure dating right now is a good idea at all but since you've made plans, it's best not to ghost anyone or cancel as the other members have mentioned. It usually doesn't look very good on you once your date finds out your last relationship ended one week prior to meeting. If she's serious about you and if that's what you described yourself as being (serious about a relationship), then you'll have a lot of questions on your hands later. Be prepared for that. What goes around, comes around.

    I'd say date but keep it lighthearted and be honest with anyone new you meet that you are fresh out of a relationship. I like what Wiseman said particularly about practicing being around new people. You may not see it right away but you're probably not in the best shape emotionally or mentally right now.

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  6. #5
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    I have explained to him what Happened and when. I was also very honest about it. And he is okay with it and said that we will most probably have some fun and flirt a little.

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    I have been honest with him and he is okay with it. He said we can flirt and enjoy a nice chat

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Good for you. Just be careful and take care of yourself. When we are out of a relationship we often are still in the relationship mindset and most people put a lot of pressure on their dates to behave a certain way. It's very obvious when someone's out of a relationship. You may also find yourself becoming attached to this person too fast if he's too nice to you or a sweet-talker. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with and remember to enjoy yourself. Check in with yourself every now and then and know what you want and what makes you happy. You're in a vulnerable place right now so don't feel discouraged either if this doesn't work out after the first or second date or he doesn't respond to you again or doesn't reply to you very often because he's seeing other women at the same time. I'd encourage you to set up other dates and casually date for a few weeks and see where you're at later. There are no rules. You get to make them so check in with yourself and be true to you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    It is way to soon for you to be dating. It comes down to using other people to make yourself feel better which is wrong. This is how rebounds happen, people jump into bad relationships because they didn't heal on their own and just wanted someone to distract them from the pain and loneliness. Bad ideas all around.

    I read your other threads and that relationship was pretty messed up. You need time on your own to figure out what you want for and in your life and how you allowed your past relationship to go on like it did. I can see you are a empathetic person but just because your bf's mom died when he was young and his dad is dying doesn't mean he is allowed to get drunk and be verbally abusive. Your ex is an alcoholic and abusive so any guy that isn't that way will seem like a prince to you right now and that is just another good reason why you shouldn't be dating yet.

    Meet the guy, talk about your life, his life and have fun but keep your distance. There are guys out there that specialize in vulnerable women and you are vulnerable right now.

    Lost

  10. #9
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    A lot of people will tell you it's too soon for you to date. They would be wrong, it's good therapy. This thread is about YOU, not your dates. You have to take care of you first, before you can help another.

  11. #10
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    It sounds like you've been honest with your potential date, and I am sure he appreciates that. Go. Have fun. And, if things go well, meet him again! There is no official time period for break-ups and dating. You are the only one who knows when you are ready.

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