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Thread: Itís officially over, I couldnít take it anymore

  1. #1
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    Itís officially over, I couldnít take it anymore

    Last night, I officially ended things with my ex. I should have done it a long time ago but it reached its limit last night.

    We had been dating for about a year, and she got confused a few times. We semi-broke up in December when she went away and wanted to ďexperimentĒ another girl in a threesome. I was devastated and we decided to still see each other but with no expectations and spend time together (having sex, cuddling, hanging out etc) we would talk to each other daily and every two weeks or so weíd see each other. She wanted me to meet other people and throughout that time I did go on dates and even met a girl I really liked but it didnít work out.

    This past month we only saw each other once and didnít text as much, but stil l every few days we would. We were planning to hang out next week and she brought up that she still wants me in her life and see me, but to not be physical anymore. No more kissing, no more cuddles nothing. I canít do that. She knows I always wanted to be with her and she said that her head is now clear and that by doing things with me it will blurry her head since she still feels something for me. I told her why do we have to do that if she still feels something for me? She just feels she will get confused because she wants to meet the person that she meant to be with forever.

    A few times throughout our relationship she got confused, one minute she wanted to be with me, another minute she wasnít sure she saw a future with me, etc we broke up once last year and she contacted me to get back together and it was bliss but during the holidays she got confused again and wanted to explore this other girl in a threesome.

    Iím the first girl she dated (Iím a lesbian, she is bisexual) we are both 29. She is fully in the closet and I never pressured her to come out. But she would say that she didnít want to come out with me unless she was really sure about me.

    Anyways, I think I let this go on for way too long. I told her I didnít want to be just a texting buddy and see her just once in a while if we canít even touch each other. I said ďyou know I always wanted to be with you. I would in a heartbeat but I prefer we donít talk at all if Iím just going to be a text buddy. I said donít text me at all, only if you ever change your mind about meĒ
    She was crying and really didnít want me to leave her life and still wanted me there. But I canít do this, itís too much now. So I deleted her from Facebook, unfollowed her from Instagram and deleted her number.

    Itís been really hard because we were really into each otherís lives. But now saying I canít even touch her anymore because she really wants to meet other people and doesnít want me to confuse her, just really hurt me and I canít do this.

    Iím hurt and I miss her. Iím not sure what the future holds but itís officially over for now.

    I need some advice please.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Iím sorry OP... there isnít any advice I have that will take the pain away, I will say that you have done the right thing by cutting contact with her and going forward establish boundaries so she doesnít try and pull you back in... she doesnít know what she wants in life and you donít need that kind of instability Iím sure.

  3. #3
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    You did the right thing, OP.

    If she was not fully out of the closet, she was not yet right with herself. When you know who you are and are confident in who you are, you want to share that with other people.

    You canít love others properly until you love yourself first. Sheís just not there.

    If there was ever a case of ďitís not you, itís meĒ, i think this was clearly it.

    She needed time to explore, time for self-discovery, time to love herself.

    You were best to move on. She was unintentionally stringing you along - and it likely would not have changed anytime soon.

    You need someone who is ready for YOU and all the awesomeness that you are. Someone who is ready and excited to claim you as their own.

    Good for you, OP! Now you are free to find the right person who is ready and waiting for you.

  4. #4
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    If she clears herself out and wants me
    Back she knows she can contact me. But in the mean time I must go away from her. She said she will respect my decision and not talk to me. I told her she can reach me out if she changes her mind. I still have a strong feeling she will. She was saying she is on dating sites and I canít bear to be her text buddy and always wondering what she is doing. It hurts like hell though, Iím cornered I canít win either way.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member JA0371's Avatar
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    Star you did the right thing. You were NOT her primary interest....and she made that clear. What a crappy thing to do and say to someone!! Heal your great big heart for someone who actually really and truly deserves it!!! You will find it. I promise!💕

  7. #6
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    I just really miss her. I was going through a lot too when she told me this no touching rule. I also told her ďdonít think that I wanted to see other people. You encouraged me by telling me to go see them, I would have never done so, I am always sure about youĒ
    There is nothing I can do.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I'd take from this the value of learning why it's best to make a clean break from anyone who isn't All In. That starts your healing from Day 1 rather than keeping you miserable for months because they're too cowardly to set you free.

    Trust that anyone who is a meant-to-be deal can figure that out with reflection on their own, without your attempts at influence. If an ex ever wants to fully reconcile, credit them with the ability to catch up with you as you move forward instead. Hovering only kills any chance that they will ever respect you enough to rekindle desire, because it demonstrates that you don't respect your Self.

    Head high, and make it a private goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this. You will thank yourself later.

  9. #8
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    Thank you all for your replies. Itís been incredibly hard. I just let myself feel what I have to feel. I just feel that I was cornered, I couldnít continue without being physical. I canít just be friends with her. Just A little more than two weeks ago we had a nice time together.

    She was sad and crying that I didnít want her in my life if we werenít physical anymore. Sheís on sites meeting others and I donít just want to be there like an idiot. I did say some things out of anger ďIím just your dirty little secretĒ which angered her and hurt her. But I apologized after and told her I was hurt and itís really hard for me. She knows how I feel so if she wants to come back, she can reach out. Thought?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Pulling the plug always hurts, that's why sites like this one even exist. You did the right thing. Don't be anyone's experiment or secret.
    Originally Posted by starlight588
    Iím the first girl she dated (Iím a lesbian, she is bisexual) we are both 29. She is fully in the closet and I never pressured her to come out. But she would say that she didnít want to come out with me unless she was really sure about me.

  11. #10
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    I tell myself why good will it come to keep talking to her and seeing her? I miss her but yet itís a dead end if I keep talking to her.

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