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Thread: Itís officially over, I couldnít take it anymore

  1. #11
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    Can someone please remind me why I did the right thing?

    Iím going through a lot right now too. My best friend whom Iím closest too is going through a relapse of drugs and is in psychosis and wonít talk to me. A girl I met whom I really liked lee me
    Off and now this. Iím feeling really down.

  2. #12
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    Because you're torturing yourself in the long run to stay friends with someone who you want to be more but who won't reciprocate.

    How do you think you're gonna feel when you're the shoulder for her to lean on until she finds another person to share that with and more. She still gonna wanna you around then? Will her partner?

    She wants you as a friend now because it's a comfort to her, and you want her around because you want her... But you can't have her so you're just torturing yourself with something you can't have.

    Clean break always better in these situations.

  3. #13
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    After she had the three some it was clear she didnít want a future with me, but we really wanted to continue seeing each other and having sex and all that because we really enjoyed each otherís company. But now ďher head is clear and me being physical with her will only confuse her because she feels she will take 3 steps backwardsĒ itís just Iím going through a lot right now. If she has any chance of changing her mind about me, this is the only way, time and me healing and her seeing life without me.

  4. #14
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    I appreciate all the input. Itís really been helpful.

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  6. #15
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    Can anyone else give me some thoughts. Iím feeling really crappy. I keep thinking there is something I couldíve done.

  7. #16
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    "We had been dating for about a year, and she got confused a few times."

    She was never as into you as you were into her. There's nothing you could have done, she wasn't a long term girlfriend. She came into your life for a brief time to teach you something. Take what you can from it and head towards the next adventure. There will come a time where you will know what this relationship was for in your life, and you will be glad to have had it, and glad that it hadn't lasted. That time may be far off... but you can work to bring it closer if you start focusing on what lessons are there to be taken from this experience, and less on whether or not you made the right decisions or could have done anything differently.

    At the very least - I think you have learned that you want to be with someone who is as confident about their feelings for you as you are for them. Someone you DON'T have to try to convince to stay. The less time you spend on someone who doesn't fit that bill, the more you can spend trying to find that person.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by starlight588
    Can anyone else give me some thoughts. Iím feeling really crappy. I keep thinking there is something I couldíve done.
    There was nothing you could have done except for cut her off completely and cleanly the first time. This would have raised her respect for you along with your self respect, and it was your best shot of allowing her to learn what her life would be like without you in it. Instead you stuck around for breadcrumbs, which gave her a comfortable way to wean herself off of you while confirming for her that she doesn't respect you enough to form a future with you.

    So your current choice is to keep drilling yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of by stagnating your focus on your past, or you can move yourself out of you own way, and put your focus on helping out the people in your life who you've neglected in favor of stagnation. Committing yourself to helping your friends and family with their projects, errands, yard work, or treating them to a meal or an event may not sound motivating, unless you focus on creating great memories for them while you're not capable of enjoying much yourself at the moment.

    Emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. If you wait until you 'feel like' strengthening your bonds with the people in your life, you'll sink yourself into that deeper hole and will continue to feel lousy until you make a better choice. Involvement with others, and making your time about them-not-me, will ground you and move your focus beyond the ex. This will help you 'normalize' and it will inspire you to begin pursuing new interests and friendships as you heal.

    Healing isn't something that happens 'to' us, we need to participate. It's a decision.

  9. #18
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    Thank you indefinitely for your kind words and replies guys.

    I am helping myself heal: I went out to a friends show last night, forcing myself to keep busy doing errands and taking care of myself, Iím going to go to the gym later and I went to go see my therapist a few days ago. I am trying my best, and letting myself feel whatever it is I need to feel. I know it will pass. I know I did the right thing for myself.


    I have deep regrets that I shouldíve ended it during the holidays when she went away and had that three some. Even though when she came back and her words said she didnít see a future with me, we continued being affectionate and spending time together. I gave her all she needed and was always there, and didnít leave time for her to worry about me not being there. Just recently how she said ďI feel I took two steps forward and if we get physical it willing be three steps back for me, I will get blurry if we get physicalĒ shows me she is still confused about me, and perhaps wants to meet a man and doesnít want me to confuse her.

    I canít stick in the past. But I feel sad of losing her. She was crying on the phone because she didnít want me out of her life totally.

    Itís best for both of us. I can heal and move on and try to meet someone who will 100 percent sure of me. She may meet someone, or overtime miss me and she may come back realizing that life without me is hard and that she did after all really feel something for me.

    Time will tell.

    I know itís not healthy, but I do have hope that over time she will miss me a lot. And that time away will make her realize her life without me. And that after all, she does want to be with me. Itís the only way to see if there ever was something there for her. No matter what, I am 100% sticking to no contact.

    Time away is the only way, no matter how much it hurts. She is used to me always being there, no matter what, but now I am gone. My therapist says she will for sure eventually reach out and miss me but that if she does, the only way is if she clarifies her feelings and wants to be with me 100%

    No half way, no friends with benefits, no just friends, but a committed relationship where she is sure and that she tells her family and friends about me.

    I donít want to have false hope, but I guess itís a normal stage. Is there any chance she will come back if I stick to NC?

    She came back the first time after 2 weeks of NC, and sent me this long sentimental text of how much I meant to her. That is why I am wondering.

  10. #19
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    During our last phone conversation she did say, ďI donít know what the future holdsĒ so I know I donít want to be hopeful but there is at least a slight chance she may come back.

  11. #20
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    What she said is in no way a promise.

    Many, many people say the same thing because they think it will hurt the other person less. Also because they want to be sure the other person remains available to them if they choose to seek them out for any reason (not necessarily reconciliation).

    Your therapist is probably correct. She will reach out and give you the same wishy washy answers she's giving you now. Only you can decide if that's good enough.

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