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Thread: Just some doubts

  1. #1
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    Just some doubts

    This is my first relationship im in and its going for about one and a half year. After 8 months i really struggled with the falling out of love or rather losing the infatuation feeling i guess. Its still something i kinda struggle with because i have never experienced it before because i just dont have experience from earlier relationships.

    I truly love her but i struggle with that i someyimes have the infatuation feeling when i see her after a long time or when we are having fun and are talking about some fun subjects and laughing. Now my mom asked my the other day why i dont talk as much about my girlfriend anymore and asked if i wasnt in love anymore with her. I am in love with her but i feel because of the length of the relationship and i havent really seen her the last couple of weeks because of school and not having that much news i couldnt reall talk about her or something.

    Sorry if this is all kinda stupid but i guess most of this is due to the fact this is my very first relationship and i just dont really know these feelings i think. I kinda struggle with them and want to know if this is normal or anything or some advice. Because this is my first i dont really have a benchline to call it like that.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    You may just be losing interest, outgrowing the relationship, or noticing incompatibilities. I know it's hard to understand, but you don't have to be out of love or hate someone to no longer want to date them. Whatever the reason for your feelings, the relationship sounds like it's coming to an end for you.

    After awhile the honeymoon ends and the fire and excitement that builds the initial intimacy does fade away. However, it should be replaced with a stronger kind of love, an admiration and respect for your partner that still includes romance, companionship, and some excitement for the future. It doesn't sound like you feel that way for your girlfriend anymore and it may simply be time to move on.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    It could be that the honeymoon stage is over, or you are not ready to fall in love, or you just don't love her that much.

    However, many people go through phases of doubt in relationships, it's completely natural. I guess you'll just have to see how the relationship plays out.

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    I dont want to sound like someone who wants to stay in a relationship, but i think i didnt explain it good enough, our relationship is growing and the emotions from falling in love have gradually switched to trust, happyness, supporting each other amd a lifelong friend with whom i want to share my coming future and discover new things with.

    Its more that i am doubting if my change in emotions after the honeymoon fase was normal. I do want to date her but things like final weeks of school and not living that close to each other make that difficult sometimes allthough this shouldnt really be an excuse. Thanks for the advice.

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    To give an example, couple of days back we were together again after quite sometime and i cant wait to see her again, because i miss her and want to be with her again, she makes me happy and feel loved and i do that for her to. Im still sad when i have to go.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's possible to care for someone and be attached but lose interest. Don't drag things out. It sounds like the situation lost steam and got boring.
    Originally Posted by Faraniel
    After 8 months i really struggled with the falling out of love or rather losing the infatuation feeling i guess.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It seems your mother has put some ideas in your head. Parents are not always the best examples or gauges for a good relationship. Your mother undoubtedly has her own hang ups too and it's a bit ridiculous to be asking such a point blank question of her son in the first place. It's not her place to ask, in other words. She might be curious about whether your girlfriend and you are still dating (that's fine) but she shouldn't have asked if you are still in love with your girlfriend. That's inappropriate and off the mark/crossing boundaries.

    Relationships are what we make of it and it is a two-way street. If you feel like you're not getting enough out of it or it's not as fulfilling as it ought to be, deep down (regardless of what your mother says), try and work out what you feel is best for you.

    Be honest with your girlfriend if this is not for you. Don't string her along and be firm and don't waver in your decision.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Faraniel
    To give an example, couple of days back we were together again after quite sometime and i cant wait to see her again, because i miss her and want to be with her again, she makes me happy and feel loved and i do that for her to. Im still sad when i have to go.
    Excuse my confusion but given what you posted above, what's the problem again?

    This all sounds perfectly healthy and normal to me!

    When she's gone you miss her and can't wait to see her again, she makes you feel happy and loved, and you're sad when you have to leave.

    Dude, you're in love with her! Why are you fighting it?

    What feelings/emotions are you hoping or expecting to feel other than what you're feeling?

    Serious question, I am super confused.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-19-2019 at 04:04 PM.

  10. #9
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    OP, to add to above, if you're hoping or expecting to feel that adrenaline high/rush you felt when you first starting dating, that is unrealistic.

    That's called infatuation or "falling in love," which is quite different from true genuine love.

    It fades in time and is replaced with something much deeper, much more meaningful, more fulfilling and long lasting.

    There are people who run from relationship to relationship in search of this high/rush. They need this high and rush like the rest of us need air to breathe.

    And when it fades, which is typically always does, they feel something is "missing," dump their partner in search of that feeling again, with a new person.

    Needless to say, such people are typically lacking in the ability to truly connect and ultimately commit to another person, is this you?

    Something to consider.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-19-2019 at 04:07 PM.

  11. #10
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    Has anything changed physically? Has your physical attraction to her changed? That could be some of what is going on...

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