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My crush rejected me, but I have suspicions that he is chatting with my sister?


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Hello, me again. A new conflict has risen from my last post about the same situation. Anyways, So my sister was the one who started this drama without my knowledge (see last post for details) and then Brian (my ex crush) reached out to me and rejected me. Anyways, in the past week, I have noticed that my sister has constantly been on her phone, more often than usual. I also notice that when she gets onto Instagram and active on chat, Brian becomes active on chat and this lasts for hours. The both of them active at the same time and their last active timestamps are very close. This could not be a coincidence that is consistently happening. Brian even admitted to me that he has this "new friendship" with my sister. I haven't spoken to him about my suspicions, so it was odd that he would randomly tell me that. Today my sister just randomly started talking about Brian and she has never done this before. I have confronted her about this but she says "No, I am not talking to him, that would back stab you" But knowing her, I wouldn't put it past her. She also wasn't being very defensive about me accusing her of it. It's almost like she can tell that I have suspicions. I am continuing to feel distraught inside. This has developed into an internal conflict because I would rather not ask the both of them about what the hell is going on and start up the drama again. I have no idea what to do next. I fear that if I find out the truth (even though I am pretty sure I already do) it will tear my sister and I apart. I don't care to have any relations with Brian. But my sister and I's relationship is on the line if it is true that they are talking to each other and getting close behind my back. Is this normal to feel this way? What should I do about this? I really wish none of this happened. Please give me advice! Thank you!

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Katy, you never dated this boy, he was never yours. A crush doesn't mean that your sister isn't allowed to talk to him or even date him if she wants to.

 

You need to let it go. Go out with your friends, find another boy to like, stop obsessing and watching what they are doing.

 

They are perfectly within their rights to talk even to date. It wouldn't be the case if you had actually dated him, but liking him isn't the same.

 

It's normal to feel disappointed but it's not normal to feel this angry or to be watching them like this.

 

There's loads of other guys out there. Try to find someone else to like and who knows, he might be ten times better than Brian.

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Are you willing to risk your relationship with your sister for a guy that you've never had a relationship with and probably never will? From your last post, it seems he is not interested. You brother was being kind and trying to let you down easy. So is Brian.

You are mistaking your crush for a relationship. You have no say over what Brian does. The drama in the situation is because of you. Think about it: if you removed yourself from the entire thing, would there be an issue?

You need to tell your sister--without judgement--that you are hurt. And you need to leave Brian alone. It stinks. It totally does. It is painful. But you have to put jealousy aside and realize that your sister is family and that Brian is...well....just some guy named Brian.

 

 

PS--quit cyber stalking them; that will only make YOU miserable.

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I honestly am not worried that he rejected me. I really don't care. Through this whole thing, it has made me realize that he isn't a good person. It honestly just makes me hurt that my sister would develop a relationship with him. It is like backstabbing. I am afraid that if I ask her about this AGAIN, there will be resentment and we already have problems with each other enough. Maybe I should just pretend that they aren't really talking....

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Yes. She knew about him. She met him when she came to help my mom and I move our brother into his dorm room. She knew that I had a crush on him the whole time I was in college and up until now. She was the one who suddenly sent him a message last week telling him that I had a crush on him. I did not tell her to do that. He knew that I had a crush on him because my brother told him when they were roommates, but he was too afraid to reject me up until now. Since she texted him that night, i am suspecting they have been talking nonstop.

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I'm not sure what either of them owe you. You're coming across as very controlling and meanspirited. Leave them alone. It's none of your business whom your sister speaks with. Let go of this Brian and learn to accept when things don't work out in your favour. This guy isn't interested in you at all.

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I honestly am not worried that he rejected me. I really don't care. Through this whole thing, it has made me realize that he isn't a good person. It honestly just makes me hurt that my sister would develop a relationship with him. It is like backstabbing. I am afraid that if I ask her about this AGAIN, there will be resentment and we already have problems with each other enough. Maybe I should just pretend that they aren't really talking....

 

You're misleading yourself. There are one of two things going on (maybe both):

 

If you didn't care about brian or that he rejected you, why would you care that your sister might be talking to him? Maybe they will be friends for a little bit. Maybe they like each other and are a good match. Maybe they'll get married! Who knows? If you didn't care, you wouldn't care about any of this.

 

Door number 2 is that you are resentful of your sister in general, and this is yet another thing to be irritated with her about. What are the problems with each other you already have? Where did those problems come from? It's probably not brian. If you want a good relationship with your sister you might need to explore a little deeper here.

 

And yeah, how old are you? The whole thing sounds pretty immature. If you had just asked Brian out long ago then you wouldn't be in this situation at all.

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Yes. She knew about him. She met him when she came to help my mom and I move our brother into his dorm room. She knew that I had a crush on him the whole time I was in college and up until now. She was the one who suddenly sent him a message last week telling him that I had a crush on him. I did not tell her to do that. He knew that I had a crush on him because my brother told him when they were roommates, but he was too afraid to reject me up until now. Since she texted him that night, i am suspecting they have been talking nonstop.

 

How does all your family (ok, at least your brother and sister) know that you have this crush for a guy you barely know nor talk with one on one and to the point of going out of their ways to tell him you have a crush on him? Where are the boundaries either from you or from them? I'd be more upset that these people in your family are telling a guy you barely know you have a crush on him (which would make most guys think you're childish) than the fact that your sister is talking to a crush you never had some sort of relationship or involvement with. As said in the other thread, let it go.

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Well, your sister was a bit devious if she did in fact take the opportunity to contact him out of interest and used you as an excuse to do so.

 

But again, you have to pick your battles. Is it worth it? You can rage and cause a huge upset with your relationship with her and blame her, or you can look the other way.

 

Is it very disappointing and hurtful? Yes, definitely. But it really is up to you what you do with it now.

 

I would forget him completely, yes.

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It's time to start dating and try to find a real bf. Stop having "crushes" and pretending you own them. Yes, that's unhealthy. It's also time to stop the sibling rivalry and focus on your own friends, activities, interests, schoolwork, sports, hobbies, etc. try to play detective regarding your sisters social media activity and getting jealous about everything and everyone is not healthy either. Ask your parents to take you to a therapist to b get to the bottom of these unhealthy thoughts and activities before it get out of control.

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Should I just go ahead and block him on instagram and forget about him completely? If he actually doesn't care about me as a friend like I suspect, then it shouldn't cause any problems. Right?

 

Yep. And keep your eyes on your own paper and nurture your relationship with your sister. No guy is worth sabotaging that for, so leave the guy out of it.

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