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Thread: Absolutely broken - when will it end?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by No1
    If I told you to not think of an Elephant. Odds are you are going to think of an Elephant. A typical mistake made by a lot of people is that they say they will TRY to not think of their X. Just by saying that you have already thought of your X. Its like having a phone number on your fridge and saying Im going to forget this number. Just by knowing its there you are going to think about it. What is the best way to forget the 3rd period French or Spanish you learned in school? By not talking in French or Spanish. You don't do it by saying Im going to forget, you will forget by living your daily life.

    Getting over an X is much the same way. You don't focus on your X and what you shouldn't do like contact her or think about her or look at her social media. You forget about your X simply by living your life. Accepting that it is over and the reasons why or what led to the break up just doesn't freaking matter anymore. If you have to settle things in your mind just say "It didn't work out" and you use that. Use this time to find that person who was happy.. that's the one you should be looking for.
    Thankyou. That makes a lot of sense. I think I'm 'over' the relationship now it's just the new discovery of her with someone else which has brought it all back. I keep asking myself, what's he got better, why him and not me, how can she move on so fast, but I guess she probably switched off long before we even broke up. I just wish she would of told me.
    My biggest anxiety is thinking of them 'togther' the more I try and not think about it, the more I do...like you said.

  2. #12
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    Still missing her. It seem s worse in the mornings and less so at night. I think it's the anxiety at getting through another day, everyday feels so hard at the moment. I know she's long gone and doesn't even think about me anymore. I wish I could switch my feelings off!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Yeh that would be great wouldn't it...!? I've said many times that if you could invent an 'Anti- Heartache Pill' you'd be a millionaire!

    But don'y worry mate. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, take care of You and the day to day and eventually you'll start to even out.....

    I have a feeling I'll miss my exwife for the rest of my days (or what we had) but I've also built a good life for myself behind the scenes...So long as you keep putting little things in place every day, every week, every month you eventually start to notice it paying off....

    When one door closes, another one opens....but it's hell in the hallway*

    Hang In There Buddy*

    Carus*

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Hutchypro
    Thankyou. That makes a lot of sense. I think I'm 'over' the relationship now it's just the new discovery of her with someone else which has brought it all back. I keep asking myself, what's he got better, why him and not me, how can she move on so fast, but I guess she probably switched off long before we even broke up. I just wish she would of told me.
    My biggest anxiety is thinking of them 'togther' the more I try and not think about it, the more I do...like you said.
    If you get anxiety thinking of your X, then I am going to go out on a limb and say you are not in the "Over" stage. What you are doing now is carrying the cross you think you should bear. You have resigned and thought that she problem never thinks about you or asks if she even remembers anything of the relationship, asking if it was just a lie and all you are doing is carrying a burden that you shouldn't have to carry. Asking questions like "how is he better? What does he have that I don't? What does she see in him but not me?" are all questions that you will never get the answer to. And even if you did, it would only bring up 10 more questions.
    And what you are doing is normal, I can say Ive done the same thing but in the end does asking all those questions help you or does it hurt you? Comparing yourself to someone else is not healthy, and I think what you are doing is looking for a 'Thank you' or validation for your feelings. You haven't moved on because you need for her to at least say that she thinks of you or what you had was real. Problem is, that is not going to happen. So since it is not, what are you going to do?
    In a weird way, I think of a situation like yours like buying shoes. You can find a pair that look great but wont fit, or you can find a pair that is really expensive but its the wrong size. What you have to understand that its not about finding the best pair. Its about finding the best pair for YOU. What your X did was find someone who she thought was a better fit, but not a better guy. For me, Nikes are just toooooo narrow but they look great. Rebook don't feel right in my feet so I found a brand that fits me best. Doesn't have to be the flashiest, expensive, but it fits great and that's all that matters. You must find the one that fits you

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Carus
    Yeh that would be great wouldn't it...!? I've said many times that if you could invent an 'Anti- Heartache Pill' you'd be a millionaire!

    But don'y worry mate. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, take care of You and the day to day and eventually you'll start to even out.....

    I have a feeling I'll miss my exwife for the rest of my days (or what we had) but I've also built a good life for myself behind the scenes...So long as you keep putting little things in place every day, every week, every month you eventually start to notice it paying off....

    When one door closes, another one opens....but it's hell in the hallway*

    Hang In There Buddy*

    Carus*
    Thanks Carus, I'm hanging on :)

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by No1
    If you get anxiety thinking of your X, then I am going to go out on a limb and say you are not in the "Over" stage. What you are doing now is carrying the cross you think you should bear. You have resigned and thought that she problem never thinks about you or asks if she even remembers anything of the relationship, asking if it was just a lie and all you are doing is carrying a burden that you shouldn't have to carry. Asking questions like "how is he better? What does he have that I don't? What does she see in him but not me?" are all questions that you will never get the answer to. And even if you did, it would only bring up 10 more questions.
    And what you are doing is normal, I can say Ive done the same thing but in the end does asking all those questions help you or does it hurt you? Comparing yourself to someone else is not healthy, and I think what you are doing is looking for a 'Thank you' or validation for your feelings. You haven't moved on because you need for her to at least say that she thinks of you or what you had was real. Problem is, that is not going to happen. So since it is not, what are you going to do?
    In a weird way, I think of a situation like yours like buying shoes. You can find a pair that look great but wont fit, or you can find a pair that is really expensive but its the wrong size. What you have to understand that its not about finding the best pair. Its about finding the best pair for YOU. What your X did was find someone who she thought was a better fit, but not a better guy. For me, Nikes are just toooooo narrow but they look great. Rebook don't feel right in my feet so I found a brand that fits me best. Doesn't have to be the flashiest, expensive, but it fits great and that's all that matters. You must find the one that fits you
    That makes sense. I just can't wait for the day my mind feels free of it all. It's only me that can do it now.

    She still sending me a link yesterday, I don't know why she doing, I thanked her for it and she never got back.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Hutchypro
    That makes sense. I just can't wait for the day my mind feels free of it all. It's only me that can do it now.

    She still sending me a link yesterday, I don't know why she doing, I thanked her for it and she never got back.
    Why do you refuse to ask her to stop contacting you?

    As long as you remain in contact you will not, repeat WILL NOT improve how you feel.

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