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No intentions for sex


newbielove20

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So I’m 20, Indian, male and in my first real relationship. It’s still relatively new. She’s in my class, we’ve been best friends for 4 months, in a relationship for 1.5 months. We’ll start our senior year of college and we’re sure we’re going to head off to different countries next year for higher studies. She’s of the opinion that it’d hurt more after parting if we get too close so she doesn’t want to have sex. We kiss and touch, but she doesn’t wanna get too close. When I brought up the topic saying it’s just my opinion and don’t wanna start a fight, she got mad and said she doesn’t think these activities matter for a relationship, and said she doesn’t want to talk to me at all. I’ve been having second thoughts about the relationship, so I’m not sure what I should do. Am I chasing a dead relationship? This seems like a good relationship with us being best friends first, but I’m not sure if it’ll serve me best in the future.

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So I’m 20, Indian, male and in my first real relationship. It’s still relatively new. She’s in my class, we’ve been best friends for 4 months, in a relationship for 1.5 months. We’ll start our senior year of college and we’re sure we’re going to head off to different countries next year for higher studies. She’s of the opinion that it’d hurt more after parting if we get too close so she doesn’t want to have sex. We kiss and touch, but she doesn’t wanna get too close. When I brought up the topic saying it’s just my opinion and don’t wanna start a fight, she got mad and said she doesn’t think these activities matter for a relationship, and said she doesn’t want to talk to me at all. I’ve been having second thoughts about the relationship, so I’m not sure what I should do. Am I chasing a dead relationship? This seems like a good relationship with us being best friends first, but I’m not sure if it’ll serve me best in the future.

It's up to you whether it's a worthwhile investment.

She prefers to abstain from sex and is not wanting to get attached to you seeing she plans on leaving.

Are you o.k. with things staying the way they are in the meantime?

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I told her “I want to do it, but I’m okay with this because its not possible without consent of both people.” So I’m not okay with it staying the same even if I say I am, bc I believe that we are at the max of our relationship. I don’t think this is a worthwhile investment bc I should’ve also mentioned, she has strict parents. So we also don’t hangout and go on dates, just meet in college. So I want to get a second opinion from someone. No dates and no sex. Is it worth it?

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"So I’m not okay with it staying the same even if I say I am, bc I believe that we are at the max of our relationship. "

 

Then don't tell her you are. If you can't respect her decision to abstain, then you are barking up the wrong tree. If this is your first "real" relationship and you are only 1.5 months in, you would probably do well to wait a while anyway.

Regardless, if you are not serious about her--wants and all--then move on.

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If I were in your place I'd be asking if you are in a relationship at all. Romantic relationships are usually characterized by intimate bonds, trust and some form of commitment. All three characteristics seem to be missing in your equation with her.

 

This is not a relationship but a friendship of sorts, to me. If you have romantic feelings for each other it's different from actually conducting or maintaining a full blown relationship. It depends how you want to define what a relationship means. In my mind, this is far from it and a very pale comparison to the real thing. Your gut instincts are pointing you in the right direction. This is a waste of time. Move on.

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If you are both heading off to different schools, that would make it a long distance relationship - and most of those don't work out. It's better for both of you if you don't get more attached than you already are....it's just going to hurt more when you leave each other.

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If she doesn't want sex all you can do is respect that and end things if you want that. There's no right or wrong, just different values. LDRs are difficult, she has a point. Date other girls and do not tie yourselves down to this.

in a relationship for 1.5 months. She’s of the opinion that it’d hurt more after parting if we get too close so she doesn’t want to have sex.
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