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Thread: Phone number given on online dating site

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    Any step by step on online dating? now i'm really tired and have no idea what i am doing.
    Firstly : like the pictures
    Secondly : check out the profile
    Thirdly ..... etc... etc....
    In the event this is a genuine question and you're young/inexperienced, I have some tips. I'm no expert but I met a lot of people when I was dating and ended up meeting my husband online (he will swear he is the one who found me and insists on the credit but I think I stuck around long enough for him to do so so it evens out).

    - adjust the age range settings
    - adjust the distance settings (within a specific radius, don't do long distance if you can help it)
    - focus on the profile more than the photos (photos are easy to scan or gloss over to tell if someone looks attractive to you; more time should be spent looking through someone's profile)
    - communicate over messages online and look over language and speech patterns on a couple of phone calls before meeting
    - meet in a public space within one week (don't message for weeks on end without meeting; it's a waste of time)
    - use your gut instincts and don't be afraid

    That's all there is to it. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with either or agree to meeting anyone in private, in their home, don't have anyone new over right away and definitely don't meet in a hotel room. The first date should be lighthearted and you should be able to see whether you get along in person. Looking for a relationship online shouldn't be difficult within your personal boundaries and using what you know about yourself. You should know yourself (that's what the others are alluding to above). It's normal to feel burnt out after dating for awhile and it's perfectly ok taking a hiatus or taking a break (not dating at all for brief periods). You get to design that. Trust your instincts. Good luck.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Best advice I could give you is to force yourself to take a break. If you're exhausted and struggling to identify what people may be a potential match, you're not going to get anywhere.

    The break doesn't have to be a long one. Maybe a month or two. While you are purely focusing on yourself and not swiping faces, take time to think about what you actually want out of a partner. Then, return to dating with a fresh sense of optimism and a pickier radar!

    Also, you shouldn't be dating if you don't know what your personal boundaries are. There's no right or wrong answers about giving out your number. Know what you're comfortable with, draw lines, and enforce them with actions. No one can tell you how to date or move forward with a potential match, and you leave yourself ripe to be taken advantage of by not knowing what you prefer.

  3. #13
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    If you are burned out on dating... stop. When you feel like you aren't burned out anymore and are excited about dating again, and feel like you can handle it... give it another shot.

    General tips for when you do try to dive back in:
    * Have a plan: my plan was something like this - we message on the app only for a few days to get a feel for each other, and then meet in a public place to see if we click in person, then trade numbers if we feel good about that, keep conversation over texting light and plan a second meeting, and then take it from there if we have a good and comfortable connection.
    * Stick to the plan: if someone wants to meet too soon, or takes to long to meet, or has really boring unengaging messages, or talks about things that I don't want to talk about without it being easy to steer back to things I do, or I don't like them in person, or they try to get affectionate before I am ready, or they suggest meeting in a non-public place for the first meeting, etc etc etc, I move on to the next match. Some of this is easier for me as I'm a guy - girls I match with tend to not try to go too fast the way it sounds like guys do for you.

    One word messages and lets talk on whatsapp? Come on. There are many issues with online dating, such as how easy it is to just swipe to the next face. But on the upside, it's so easy to swipe to the next face! Use the great power that the apps give you and swipe to the next face! You don't have to accept ANYTHING that makes you uncomfortable or turns you off. You are the one in control.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse

    - focus on the profile more than the photos (photos are easy to scan or gloss over to tell if someone looks attractive to you; more time should be spent looking through someone's profile)
    I'd like to emphasize this^^ one z.

    Reason being, reading your previous thread about the guy you're currently dating whom you like very much and going on and on about how sweet, kind, funny he is, etc BUT he's not your physical type and therefore, you don't feel any chemistry with him.

    z, genuine chemistry goes way beyond physical looks. Oh, physical attraction is important no doubt, but the chemistry, the energy between you, that goes beyond looks, status, job, type of car, money, etc.

    It's just, well, an energy and typically when it's there and genuine (and not based on looks and other superficial things) he will be feeling it too.

    You posted the types of guys you typically feel chemistry with are "players." May I ask what this "chemistry" is based on?

    I got the impression it was based on looks, which is why I wanted to post this. These player types are HOT! And you're physical attracted which is terrific, but developing a healthy relationship and connection requires something deeper than that.

    In that sense, Rose is spot on. Spend time on his profile, if you can relate in any way, begin messaging and get a "feel" for him through his words if you will. I know there are many who disagree with that, that you can't sense anything by "words on a screen," but I beg to differ.

    My experiences are different, I am able to gauge a lot of information and general sense of a person via messaging.

    If you're connecting mentally based on your messages, then arrange a meet, within two weeks tops.

    Then, when you meet, feel out the energy between you.

    As I said, looks are important, we need to feel that physical attraction of course!! But it's not the most important thing, at least not imo.

    This all may be new to you, and may take some time to change your mindset.

    But once you do, I think you will find your on line experiences to be much more satisfying, and fun! You may not have as many first "meets" as you will no doubt become more discretionary in whom you choose to meet, but you might find those you do meet to be better quality men than these "player" types you go for now.

    I swore off OLD, but decided to give it go again last year, and met my boyfriend a very short time thereafter.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    In the event this is a genuine question and you're young/inexperienced, I have some tips. I'm no expert but I met a lot of people when I was dating and ended up meeting my husband online (he will swear he is the one who found me and insists on the credit but I think I stuck around long enough for him to do so so it evens out).
    .
    What do you mean by stuck around long enough for him to do so .... do you mean to still stay online dating site until you found him? be patient? etc.... please clarify

    and the age for men. I personally think it is better to go for older guys because men are mature later then women at the same age. They know better what they really want the older they get as well and tend to still play the field .....

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    This person i have been talking to for just a few sentences and he replied briefly 2 words reply. His profile mentions " Any non-fake profile here?"
    He asked to contact via Whatsapp which obviously would need telephone number from me given to him. I am a bit reluctant but still think that his profile looks like ticking my boxes .
    Would there be any danger in giving out the phone number at this stage?
    Anyone has experience this please share . Thanks
    You can never predict how any one individual will behave under every circumstance. Or put another way, maybe, maybe not.

    What you should do is make your decisions based on what you think and feel, not what others think and feel. If they get mad, that's their problem, not yours.

  8. #17
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    Personally I focus on the photo AND the profile.

    I don't care how wonderful they are. If I'm not attracted, I'm not interested. Yes, photos can be deceitful, but guess what? so can profiles. Anybody can say anything they want. Having said that, there is value obviously to carefully reading the profile.

    I don't waste a lot of time on phone. A couple of emails, and then it's "let's do coffee". That's my preference.

    What you have to do, is find out what works for you. Try different things. If the phone works, great. If it doesn't, great. The only thing you should be more strict with is safety rules. Always meet in public. Don't get in the car, tell someone were you are. And have a backing out plan. Go to the washroom, text an awaiting friend to text you in a couple of minutes. Go back to your date. When the text arrives from your friend make an excuse and leave.

    If dating starts to suck, stop doing it. Take a break. When you're happy not dating, then you're probably ready to date.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    What do you mean by stuck around long enough for him to do so .... do you mean to still stay online dating site until you found him? be patient? etc.... please clarify

    and the age for men. I personally think it is better to go for older guys because men are mature later then women at the same age. They know better what they really want the older they get as well and tend to still play the field .....
    But youíre inexpierienced...

    So youíre bringing your inexperience and baggage to the table expecting to attract an older mature man who wants a meaningful relationship and not just a fling with a young inexpierienced girl... as another poster pointed youre needing us to walk you through every step here.

    I donít date younger men myself so I get being attracted to someone older but I bring experience, maturity and a put together life to the table, I know what Iím looking for so that confidence Iím seekong, I am able to exude it as well, didnít always be this way though. I had to take a very long break, it took me learning who I am to realize online dating isnít for me, but again itís about slowing down and figuring all this out not just wandering aimlessly on dating websites. You avoid a lot of games or users when you date an equal than well a teacher...

    You can change your settings until they are perfect, these men are dating you not your settings and so I revert back to my advice. You have a lot to sort out, right now you keep entering the lions den with no armor, you are going to get bit.

    Again, I think it would be best to just take a step back and go back to the drawing board and figure out what you want, not what others or stereotypes tell you, the advice given will be general at best, at the end of the day you have to be the one to tailor it to you.
    Last edited by figureitout23; 06-20-2019 at 09:43 AM.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343
    and the age for men. I personally think it is better to go for older guys because men are mature later then women at the same age. They know better what they really want the older they get as well and tend to still play the field .....
    This "wisdom" is perhaps true during the ages of, say, 10-20, but I doubt it is meaningful beyond that. If you think you can avoid horny creeps by dating only older men you are in for a rude awakening.

    Dating really is the same as interviewing someone for a job. Your interviewing someone to determine if they are worth your time. Every step, until you decide to pursue a relationship with someone, (which should be after multiple in person dates) is a test. It can be fun too, but this person is a stranger. You need to make sure you have the right level of trust. Very little at first, and building that trust up gradually.

    When looking at a profile
    1. Does this person meet my attractiveness bar? Do I like something in their profile and there are no obvious dealbreakers*? yes/no. Swipe left if no.
    2. Does this person communicate well in opening messages? yes/no. Stop chatting if no.
    3. Does this person have values that line up with mine (for instance, do they mention sex before we first meet? creepy)? yes/no. Stop chatting if no.

    * You should know what your dealbreakers are

    When you meet in person, you really want to tease out some of the same things as 1-3 above, but seeing how those things are reflected in the actual person rather than their online persona. Are they attractive in real life? Do the two of you communicate well? Do they say things that earn your respect - or do they say things that give you caution? Do your values and life goals match?

    If that sounds like too much work dating is going to be rough, but online dating especially so.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by zzzz74032343

    and the age for men. I personally think it is better to go for older guys because men are mature later then women at the same age. They know better what they really want the older they get as well and tend to still play the field .....
    This comment reflects how just how inexperienced and naive you truly are z.

    Older men "play the field" just as often, if not more often, than younger guys.

    Many older men have been in either committed long term relationships or marriages that didn't work out, some ending very badly, and after having experienced that, have chosen to remain "single" and date casually, playing the field (as you referred to it), keeping options open.

    Also, I've known men men in the mid to late 40s who were more immature than some 20 or 30 year old men I know.

    It's not their age that matters, but their nature, their values, their morals, their character.

    These things don't tend to change with age, it's who they are generally and were most likely the same way in their 20s and 30s.

    Sure, many people will learn, mature, grow and evolve, but imo this doesn't change their basic nature and character.

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