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Thread: Super Depressed

  1. #11
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    When dealing with an elderly sick parent, and all the responsibilities of your own life, including a dysfunctional family (been there too), you need to set boundaries. You need to be vocal, and stand up for yourself. If you need a day or two off, take them. Delegate some of the burden onto someone else...don't be afraid to ask for help.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    When dealing with an elderly sick parent, and all the responsibilities of your own life, including a dysfunctional family (been there too), you need to set boundaries. You need to be vocal, and stand up for yourself. If you need a day or two off, take them. Delegate some of the burden onto someone else...don't be afraid to ask for help.
    Thanks for responding. It's tough setting boundaries because it seems like they know if they manipulate or guilt me, it would work.
    I've been saying "yes" for so long, saying "no" is proven to be quite difficult.
    But unless I do start setting boundaries, I will never have a life of my own. And not having a life of my own will make me even more depressed while the manipulators are happy. That's not fair to me.
    I've never had anyone to rely on, when I have or had my setbacks, I keep them to myself,because I know that my loved ones were not equipped to help.
    My mom has always been emotionally fragile prior to her sickness. So, confiding in her was never really an option, especially when my toxic brother would deplete her of her emotional energies with his burdens.
    I do have an older sister who is great and functional unlike my brother, but she has little ones who rely on her.
    Ah, It would be nice to..for once to meet someone, to have someone in my life, that I can call for those weak moments in which I just need emotional support,but I digress;
    Thanks for the advice. Reading these responses are really putting things into perspective.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by reaThua9
    You mentioned talking to your doctor, but have you considered seeing a counselor/therapist? You have a lot of different things you're dealing with right now, and it can be really helpful to talk through all that with a professional.
    Personally, I feel like you deserve a lot better than the FWB relationship. It's obvious from what you're saying that you don't really want that, but you just haven't found any better options. So why settle?
    On a side note, I just want to say that with all the personal pressure you're under, you're doing such a good thing for your mom right now. I think the way you're taking care of her is so inspiring, keep up the good work! Blessings!
    Yes. The fwb is something I thought would make me feel liberated, but after the fact, I still feel quite empty.
    I suppose I thought it would be a more of a consistent thing, but my fwb partner is always awfully busy with work & had to cancel meeting up after initiating a second meet.
    I do think if he contacts me,I hope if I'm strong enough, I'm gonna tell him it's not for me.
    And thanks. I do try my best with my mom. I took care of her for a few years at home, but could no longer manage once she began detoriating.
    However, I must point out..I'm not perfect. I have so much pent up resentment towards her for other things, (ex:creating the monster that's my brother, always being emotionally unavailable,etc)that I often find myself despondent when I'm around her,& feel more like her aide when I go there than her daughter, not that she notices.
    I will look into speaking to a therapist, I just have a fear of being vulnerable in real life or crying in front of ppl, & my sister saw one once, & said that her therapist was kind of impersonable & seemed rather robotic.
    I'm considering it though.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    As long as you choose to identify as a victim and choose to play martyr you can kid yourself into thinking you are a saint and everyone else are the sinners. You can put yourself on a pedestal this way. That is the main thrust behind martyrdom. The attention. The self-importance. If you got out and took responsibility for your own life would it terrify you to have no one to blame for your misery?

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    As long as you choose to identify as a victim and choose to play martyr you can kid yourself into thinking you are a saint and everyone else are the sinners. You can put yourself on a pedestal this way. That is the main thrust behind martyrdom. The attention. The self-importance. If you got out and took responsibility for your own life would it terrify you to have no one to blame for your misery?
    Wait, huh? Who says I'm a saint and everyone else are sinners? I'm in confusion.😕

    It's a really small world if you know my brother and my mom, to think that I am playing the victim.
    This is my truth, I have a toxic brother, and codependent mom. I jus't dont get where you think I am playing a victim.
    Perhaps you mean well, but your delivery comes off as rather rude and smug.
    I'm not blaming no one, however is it not my truth for me to say that I'm unable to move out on my own as of now, because I dipped into the savings I do have to cover my brother's rent?
    I did not spend money blindly on booze or clubbing.
    Or that my mom guilts me if I'm unable to not visit her one day out the week?
    I'm flabbergasted that from my thread that you think that I think I have this high level of self importance as if you know me in real life.
    I'm curious. Where did you gather I have this high level of self importance or that I like attention? That's hilarious that you think I like attention being that I'm a shy introvert, who actually hates attention,but I forgot..you know me.
    You come off as smug as Dr. Phil.
    Should I not be honest and talk about the issues with my family?
    I'm up for advice, but it pisses me off when the tone of a response is condescending and downright rude especially if I feel your waaay off base.
    Perhaps I'm not articulate with expressing myself in text, because this is the 2nd time,in the short time I've been a member here, that a member has jumped down my throat unwarranted.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Sorry PP,
    There is alot of value in the feedback you will receive. Take in what fits, set aside what doesn't and give some thought to things that are hard to hear.
    People often respond through a lens of their own experiences. How I interpret what I read about you and your situation will be interpreted entirely different from the next.
    If you get 20 responses, you're golden. But in those 20 there will a be a couple that will push your buttons. Just don't let it rattle you.
    Shake it off.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Sorry PP,
    There is alot of value in the feedback you will receive. Take in what fits, set aside what doesn't and give some thought to things that are hard to hear.
    People often respond through a lens of their own experiences. How I interpret what I read about you and your situation will be interpreted entirely different from the next.
    If you get 20 responses, you're golden. But in those 20 there will a be a couple that will push your buttons. Just don't let it rattle you.
    Shake it off.
    Thanks.I will!☺ Perhaps I'm too sensitive, but I'm open to any criticism, even if it's tough to hear,as long as the delivery of it is not as condescending as Wiseman's.

  9. #18
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Have you even tried to talk to your sister? Your passive view about "Trying not to bother them with your troubles" is why you are in this position for so long. Your sister will have time for you. She can get a babysitter, have her in-laws take the kids, etc. You are just making excuses. If you don't stand up for yourself, people will push you around and disrespect you. Basically you are enabling their abusiveness by doing nothing.

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