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Thread: Got my answer

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jun 2019

    Got my answer

    I got my answer
    Last edited by rrmm; 06-19-2019 at 10:21 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Although you dress this up as altruism, unfortunately it is selfish to try to fix and change someone. You need to get out of his face and let him be. If he doesn't want your help you'll need to accept that. Trying to micromanage him causes understandable resentment and him pushing you away. You are implying he's "broken" and you can fix him. Think about how insulting and hurtful that is.

    Focus on yourself. Get yourself into therapy and get a checkup from a doctor. Explore your need to change people to your specifications and control issues. Get in shape, eat better, take better care of your own health.

    Get involved in your own life. Take some courses/classes. Join some clubs and groups. Find some goals and passions in life that don't involve you thinking someone is defective and they are your project. Just stop doing this and focus on yourself.
    Originally Posted by rrmm
    doesnít want to be helped by you?
    help everything that I feel is weak
    I push them to go to therapy
    I give them all the best advice
    I know itís not about me
    I just feel like he wonít listen.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Wiseman is spot on.

    You say you know it's not you, but it is you. Your trying to help him or "save" him is intrusive, annoying and yes controlling.

    If you want him to value you, then value yourself first.

    Tell him you're sorry he's struggling, wish him well, and if he ever decides to get himself together, he knows where to find you. Then walk.

    I did that with my drug addict ex, and it was the hardest but best thing I ever did. And once he got well, he told me he had a ton of respect for me for doing so.

    He wanted to get back together, but it was too late. I had lost trust and when trust is gone, there is no going back. It's not selfish to focus on yourself, it's about self-love and valuing yourself . You can't expect anyone to value and respect you if you first don't value and respecf yourself.

    And that means taking care of you.

    He's a grown man, if he wanted help, he'd be taking steps to get it, on his own.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-19-2019 at 10:45 AM.

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