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Thread: Can we still have a future?

  1. #1

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    Can we still have a future?

    We met on Face book back in 2011 and met in person a month later.We had strong connection but the distance eventually took it's toll and he broke it off since neither of us were in a position to move.



    After time part we would reconnect and meet up again.This went on on and off for few years until we finally broke it off for good in late November of 2014 when he met someone closer.

    In any event, he started reaching out to me again more than year later. Telling me that had been thinking about me and misses me etc.He also left his number for me to contact him.He deleted his face book few years ago so he clearly open a new face book for the sole purpose to re connect with me.



    The thing is, I had allot going on around those dates when he reached out.I didn't log in on Face book until in late July. I texted the number he left but I got "sorry you have the wrong number". I decided to message his aunt and ask her to pass my number to him ..He got in touch with me a day later. We chatted ,catching up on our lives.



    Needlessly to say, he didn't show up online for our skype date and didn't contact me to let me know he couldn't make it.He finally got in touch the next day and said he got caught up with work and was busy.I got mad and for him standing me up which escalated into fight.We got in touch a month later and planned to visit each other and he said he would book 4 days at his work so he can drive down here to see me.I was really looking forward to it and we talked everyday




    Then all the sudden I noticed that he wasn't putting any effort into contacting me anymore. I was the one always initiating contact and sometimes he wouldn't respond.I didn't think much of it .I then texted him and ask him to come on skype before he goes to work.He responded and said sure.We skyped for a bit but didn't talk because his volume on his phone was not working, according to him.Then he had to get off so he can get ready for work.He also promised to take a pic for me later on.




    In any event,I texted him and said it was nice seeing him and I can't wait to see him in person. We exchanged few text then all the sudden he said "he's not sure if he can do this anymore and he is sorry. Then proceeded to say, it wouldn't be a problem if we didn't live so far apart and maybe we might have something in future when his life is more settled.


    This came as complete shock to me so I immediately asked if he is not coming anymore to see me and I asked for more explanation. I also expressed my disappointment since I was really looking forward to see him.He never responded to these messages and ignored further messages from me.I even let him know I was willing to move to his town in the near future to no avail.


    I was so hurt he would just drop me like this. I changed my number and deactivated Facebook just to focus on me. Now 4 years later, he tried contacting me n skype...why don't he stay away? Are we destined to be together?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is he married/living with someone? You could block him and all his people on all your devices, social media and messaging apps. Try some quality dating apps. Get a good profile and some good photos up and start messaging and meeting men in real life for a low key coffee to assess in-person chemistry. If things click go on a second date, if not move forward. Always meet asap and avoid people who are 'busy' or delay meeting.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    Well if you did have a future, he definitely destroyed any chance of it with his behavior. I mean can you trust him even if he comes begging after this? What kind of person reaches out to reconnect with you, an LD ex, only to take it back so quickly?

    I seriously think you dodged a bullet and try to see it that way. It's easy to romanticize this, but life is not a movie. When a person is so careless with your heart, drop them. Easier said then done, but this guy isn't worth it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    This is far from ideal. You don't live within a reasonable distance from each other to support a relationship (at least one of you doesn't think so), he failed to show up on a call or two and then he bailed in the last minute after an arrangement to meet up. Prior to all this, the connection failed eight years ago. I think you may be in an unusually vulnerable or compromised situation. Is there a reason why you're not thinking straight? Stay away from this person completely, block and let go permanently. The reason why I ask is because I'm concerned you'll find yourself in this type of scenario again and it'll repeat itself.

    If you're feeling limited in your town or locale(unable to move currently or explore other options), try dating or meeting new people. Even a network of friends through online-orchestrated meet ups and waiting or positioning yourself until you're ready to date in a better place is better than this type of situation.

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  6. #5
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    You already decided the distance was too great, so outside of him contacting you and saying "guess what, I was transferred with my job and its only an hour from you vs the 7 hours i am now" then he was not worth rekindling. I am guessing that he was in between relationships or feeling nostalgic or the reality of distance hit again.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by MrsWise

    We met on Face book back in 2011 and met in person a month later.We had strong connection but the distance eventually took it's toll and he broke it off since neither of us were in a position to move.
    I have posted this previously, but it always makes me go "hmmm" when I read stories like this.

    One person (typically the man) contacting another on social media who lives in a different city or country, knowing full well that there is a great distance separating you.

    I mean like, what's the point assuming one is seeking a real, in person relationship? Makes absolutely no sense to me.

    During my venture into OLD last year before meeting my boyfriend, I had several men contacting me who lived long distance; I immediately deleted them.

    Nothing good or positive ever becomes of that, and 9 x out of 10, they're looking for a texting buddy or some sort of cyber relationship. Otherwise, they'd be contacting local people! Or perhaps they have commitment issues and the distance guarantees them a ready-made, built-in excuse for when they've had enough.

    Your situation emphasizes the point too. The distance eventually taking its toll and it ended.

    Years later, he makes contact again. May I ask why you resumed interacting with him? Was it not already established that the distance was too great?

    It ends once again, allegedly for the same reason, distance.

    And now four years later, he's back again!

    OP, do you really need to be asking this question?

    Why does he keep doing this? Who knows, but history suggests it's certainly not because he wants to put forth the effort to develop a relationship with you.

    He may have just ended a long term relationship (with a local woman), he's bored, lonely, needs an ego boost, who knows.

    If you're smart you won't go back there, and will take steps to move on from him once and for all.

    Eight years is way too long to stay hung up on a guy who has clearly demonstrated his inability to develop anything even remotely resembling a stable, mutually-rewarding "in person" relationship with you. I'm sorry.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-19-2019 at 01:46 PM.

  8. #7
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    You are not destined to be together. That's an idea we invented because when you want something really bad, especially something you can't have, your mind tries to soothe you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Ah..he's one of those people who want to see if they can still get you on the line but don't actually want you when they do.

    Forget him.

    He's not serious and he sees you as an option. Time to close that chapter for good and not look back.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Use dating apps to set up quick meets with local people to check one another out. Keep meeting people for coffee after work, and if anyone stands you up, take your coffee with you, nothing lost. Rules are that neither can corner the other for a real date on the spot, but either can contact the other with an invite afterward. If the answer is yes, then the other responds, and if not, no response is necessary.

    This takes squirmy rejections stuff off the table and allows you to screen out bad matches until you find simpatico with someone who is local and able to date you.

    Long distance messaging is just fantasy building 'around' the 'idea' of someone. Skip that, and move your focus onto engaging real people with real potential. Expecting life-changing behavior from someone who doesn't know you well enough to invest is setting yourself up for disaster. Have you noticed?


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