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Thread: Am I the side chick?

  1. #1
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    Am I the side chick?

    So next month I would have been with my bf for 1 year. So Iím very nosey so I decided to look for his ex girlfriend/baby mum online. He is a very private person and has never shown me her nor told me her name lol. So me being intrigued I found her Facebook then followed her on a fake Instagram ♂️. She accepted it today and I see she posted a pic of my boyfriend mum saying Ďcelebrating my mother in laws 60thí..... mother in law?? You donít refer to your exs mother that way even if it is your childís grandma. Most annoying part is I canít even mention it to him cos he will be mad about me snooping and following her on a fake insta. Any advice ladies . Do you think theyíve been in a relationship this whole time ? He told me they broke up just before she found out she was pregnant. There child is 4 years old now.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I refer to the mother of my childís bio dad as my mother in law... I have a great relationship with her... my ex and I havenít been together for over two decades.

    I mean yea I would definitely wonder why I hadnít met the mother of my boyfriendís child after a year but some people like to keep those things separate until they are sure the relationship will work out.

    None of what you described indicates you are a side piece IMO.

  3. #3
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    So just like youíve said. His ex has a great relationship with his mother so that probably is the reason why. I did think it was strange but since youíre telling me you also do the same I guess it is not. Thank you :)

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    The fact that you're asking this question after a year is a bit telling. Do you have other reasons for not trusting your boyfriend?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What I'd be more concerned about here is not whether or not you are a "side chick" but why you're so scared to talk to your boyfriend of a year that creating a web of spying seems like a more sensible means of getting answers. No string of emojis can make that kind of thing cute or healthy, I'm sorry to say.

    Is he good man to you? Does something in your gut tell you he's not fully "in it" with you? Are you generally prone to anxiety in romance?

  7. #6
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    So heís my first boyfriend. As I said he is very private so many things I donít know. I have asked him many times during this year but he has just explained that he had a lifestyle before so is more private. Upon asking he has informed me that his childís mother doesnít know he has a gf as ďitís not her businessĒ I have never met his mum and have only met 1 friend by default. He has said numerous times they are not together. He treats me very well and is an amazing father To be honest I had never experienced anxiety before him but I believe this is simply due to my overthinking.
    Also what u said is right but since he is SO private, mentioning that I even found out his exís full name or Instagram will cause a whole different situation

  8. #7
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    Youíre right. Well Iíve never met his family nor friends. I have never been to his house (states that his landlord has said he is not allowed guests due to previous tenants) - this was what I found extremely suspicious at first but he has actually shown me evidence although I still think itís STRANGE. He pays some of his exs bills but I guess thatís for the benefit of his daughter. He also has his own key and comes and goes as he pleases (she lives 10 mins from him). He also sleeps on her sofa after visiting his daughter which is strange as he lives 10 mins away. This became an issue and he has stopped sleeping there now but yeah lol. He has stated time and time again that theyíre not together and he acts in such way for his daughter. They went away to pepper pig world together in February. I mean I probably sound stupid writing all of this cos the signs are there but I want to believe him

  9. #8
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    Issues abound. First of all, you've been dating for a year. One would think you are being incorporated into the life of this man and his child as a wife, stepmother, partner, (potentially) and the fact that you don't even know the mother's name is a seriously huge issue.

    I'm in the middle on the MIL comment. Sometimes it's just easier to refer to your child's father's mother (grandma) as your MIL (I still do, divorced)...you're not legally married, but your child is legally and genetically bound to this family and you do share DNA. Really, it just makes things easier for people to understand the relationship (those who don't know the ex's family and names). Now if you suspect these two are cohabitating or engaged or even married...completely different story.

    A year has gone by where you don't even know the child's mother's first name. So...who do you contact in an emergency when you have the doodle bug and the father can't be reached?? Hmmm??

    Have you met this MIL? Have you met his family?

    You're a full year into a big ball of unknowns, insecurity, and apparently a high level of secrecy. It's rather unfortunate you felt you needed to reduce yourself to snooping around social media to get a little crumb or two on some secret life.

    What you need is a discussion - what are you to him and future? Knowing the name of the ex is not an unreasonable expectation. Goodness, if this relationship goes further, you will be participating in some form of coparenting, and you need to be able to have a conversation with the woman once in awhile. If all this remains a big secret, and wow, if you've never met the family? It might be time to put on those walking shoes.

  10. #9
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    Never been to his home?

    Yep, you're the "secret".

  11. #10
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    Exactly lol. Iíve even said I feel like a secret but he always seems to give a logical answer. Guess I need to use my head and not my heart cos all Iím doing is wasting time

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