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Thread: Am I the side chick?

  1. #21
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    Sorry, you are not being treated like a girlfriend. You should never allow people to treat you like this! He has not brought you into his life, and he never will. His relationship is with his baby momma. You are the filler, and barely one at that.

    Do you get taken out anywhere, or are most of your dates at home?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-19-2019 at 11:30 AM.

  2. #22
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    Oh gosh all are at home. Itís funny how you tolerate certain things when you love someone Iíll tell you that

  3. #23
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Shys281
    Oh gosh all are at home. Itís funny how you tolerate certain things when you love someone Iíll tell you that
    Well, that's one way to put it. Another is to ask why you've equated "love" with tolerating "certain things" that don't actually feel like being loved. That's the hard stuff, because it means you have to accept this dynamic as something you've created alongside him, rather than something he has "done" to you, but if you can ask those questions you'll likely find yourself making choices that lead to different kinds of relationshipsóones where there is trust and communication instead of fake profiles and digital detective work.

    I'm not going to make any assumptions about the nature of your boyfriend's relationship with his ex. I don't think that helps anyone. But I do think he is "stuck," as many people are in situations like his, and that sadly his relationship with you serves more as a reward for staying stuck than in moving forward.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Shys281
    Oh gosh all are at home. Itís funny how you tolerate certain things when you love someone Iíll tell you that
    This is really unacceptable. Why was this ever okay? You are not even at the level of "side chick."

    You are a secret. That is it. No relationship, here. He does not love or respect you. You are being used, but you are allowing it.

    When are you going to love and respect yourself?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 06-19-2019 at 01:27 PM.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Do you have some standards for yourself when it comes to relationships and dating?
    If not, you should come up with some.
    One year in and you've accepted that his personal life, family and friends are off limits to you.

    Instead of managing your life accordingly, you've just gone along with his terms.
    Instead of challenging them, you end up resorting to some reconnaissance mission to find out who he really is.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Do you have some standards for yourself when it comes to relationships and dating?
    If not, you should come up with some.
    One year in and you've accepted that his personal life, family and friends are off limits to you.

    Instead of managing your life accordingly, you've just gone along with his terms.
    Instead of challenging them, you end up resorting to some reconnaissance mission to find out who he really is.
    I had to laugh at this: "reconnaissance mission"

  8. #27
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    Thanks a lot for your advice !
    Last edited by Shys281; 06-19-2019 at 08:46 PM.

  9. #28
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    Well it starts from today. Itís my first relationship so Iíll just blame my naivety. However, this is definitely a lesson learned which will help in future relationships.

  10. #29
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    Lol and to be fair Iím fairly newly 21 (heís 27 btw) and this is my first relationship so I can only speak for this one. This definitely was a mistake and a complete waste of time but at the same time it has been a learning curve for whenever my next relationship will be. I didnít want biased opinions from friends so I found this forum and received great advice so thank you for that. So no more FBI nonsense lol & time to mature and grow and eventually find someone whom treats me as I should be treated :). Thanks again guys

  11. #30
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    You're 21! Well, that's great news. I don't say that to sound patronizing, but to say you've got a good head on your shoulders and a good heart. Let this whole thing just bring clarity to both. Hard to be bitter when we learn. You've got got a whole life before youómake this a chapter, not the story.

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