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Thread: How to heal from the break up

  1. #1

    How to heal from the break up

    Me and my exgf brokeup almost 4 month. And still I am not healed. We have started dating last year during summer. At the beginning I told her I am not compatible with her since she was 20 and I was 28. She said age does not matter. Then after one month later she broke up with me. The day she broke up she was crying and the relationship ended with a sweet note. After three weeks later she came back and started texting me and wanted to see me. Then we ended back together. Then our relationship was super. She used to love me and I used to love all her company. However, we had so many fights during that time. Cause I was going through a lot of problem and I started to find happiness only from her. I used to wait for her all day for her text. I started to realize she is trying to make distance. The girl who could not stay an hour without my text can easily spend 2/3 days without even reading my message. I became more desperate. However from January she suddenly changed. She tried so many times to break up and some how we ended together. But during march out of no where she was pinning me for the breakup. All she need an excuse. It was like Friday she was so good with me. But from Saturday night she started to act very rude. Then finally she broke up with me. I thought it will be fine as well. So I tried to convince her. She blocked me all social media and also in her phone. By the time I was sick. She told me how many times I have to end up with you. Man, you can not force me to stay in this relationship. To meet you was my biggest mistake..bla bla..I asked her why then she comeback. She said she was 20. However, she told me I should stay away from her community. I was desperate. Somehow her community don't like me. I was trying to talk to them and told them they don't need to act weird since we are staying at the same place. However, she heard that news and sent me some rude and mean message. After that I stopped going even that place. But when it is my community, even though she knows those are my room mate..she loved to talk...hang with them..I had a big fight with those people. Cause when they drink they talk about my ex gf. It hurts too much. one guy was saying he wants my gf should suck his . And my gf told him she is gonna cook some food for him. It was so embarrassing that my friends hurting me by talking about her. And she is hurting me by meeting them and giving respect to those pervert. To get rid of this problem, I also left that apartment as well and take a new apartment. Currently, I am trying to find a new job or school so that I can go far far away from this place. I only took this job and tried to stay in this city for her. I know I did a mistake. I have no problem if she did not want to stay with me. But I got hurt so much by her post breakup attitude. like when I saw her in event I tried to put smile or be normal. But she was either angry or act like I do not exist. But the same girl talking purposely with my friends. I don't want her in my life anymore. But every morning I wake up with so much pain. Even when I am writing this I am at my office. I don't go office regularly. I got 2/3 times warning for not being sincere at this job. I lost 2/3 PhD School deadline. One day I was thinking about her and driving a car. I got the car accident too. I quite smoking and all bad things 2 years ago. But to resist myself from her I started to do that again. I have seen that she is so much happy with her life. She found so many boy around her area. I am pretty sure she is in a new relationship. I know it's over. But my failure put me more pressure on me. I am loosing all my confidence. I have never felt like looser in my 30 years life time like I felt now. I never let anyone control or overpower my emotion like I did here. I feel like I am in a trap and if she find it she would be so happy that I am massed up. I have so many responsibility. I need to take care my parents and my brother too. But without focusing all those things I am just dealing with this ty breakup. I am trying so hard. I am so nervous.. I am panicked. I feel like only if I die then I can get out of this trap. I know everything what I need to do. But I do not know why I cant focus. Why I still care when she is not even look back. I told people around me that she should never knew even if I die. Cause I know that day she may be throw a party. cause I have seen very ugly mean face of her after the breakup. In return I was just silent and bleeding inside. I just want to forget all those things. The more I am trying to forget the more it comes back. She has her whole family here. At the end of the day she is with her parents, with her sister, brother..She has a huge friend circle..she can go anywhere. I am here by myself. I am staying alone in my house. My parents are staying over seas. So, I am just fighting with myself. I know my words are felt like creepy. What should I do to heal and get out from this trap?

  2. #2
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    Editing your post into paragraphs would be helpful.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I don't know if this helps anyone else. I just highlight blocks of it as I move down and read in my own sets of paragraphs, blue vs. clear for example.

    To the OP: focus on your job and your work. Stop hanging around the same social circles. Give it a rest. Have different friends to spend time with, not the ones who are rude towards you. It's none of your business who your ex hangs out with anymore especially if you don't even like that crowd. Start making better choices for yourself.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    From the beginning you were not in with both feet and it was on/off with chronic breakups and conflicts. Do not blame the breakup for all the other problems. Focus on your work performance and education. Consider some therapy for any underlying problems you have. Get to a doctor for a checkup to rule out depression, anxiety, etc.

    Start making more friends. When you are ready get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting women for coffee. Stay no contact and delete her and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps. It takes time to adjust and heal. Be patient and keep yourself busy with a self-improvement plan in the meantime.
    Originally Posted by roadsidromeo
    At the beginning I told her I am not compatible with her since she was 20 and I was 28.

    I don't go office regularly. I got 2/3 times warning for not being sincere at this job. I lost 2/3 PhD School deadline. One day I was thinking about her and driving a car. I got the car accident too.. I am here by myself. I am staying alone in my house. My parents are staying over seas.

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