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Thread: How should I read this

  1. #1

    How should I read this

    This is going to be a long post but I want to give as much of the facts as possible and would like your honest opinions please.

    The department I work in started to get very busy in January this so I asked the owner if I could have someone to help me. After a few days they mover one of the girls from the call centre to work with me, there are just two of us in the office and straight away, even though I had not really spoken to her before, got on really well. As you can probably guess there is a age difference. I am, a lot older than her. As I say we really did chat and get on well and I told her that I had moved to London when I was sixteen and told her some tales. About three day later at the end of the day she asked me why did I move to London so young. It's not a great story but I was honest and said that my mam has died just after I had turned 10. I didnt get on with him for various reasons and when I turned 16 he sold my house and moved in with my stepmum and as I was homeless went to London. Her reaction was amazing, without going into her details she had gone through problems with her dad and for various reason was kicked out and homeless for a bit . Shes know in Uni and works for our company part time. That made us connect after that as whenever she in my office and we got on really well suprisingly and had a good laugh, colleagues even commented on how well we got on. We were talking about age and going out and as a joke I said I am the Jaegerbomb king.
    A few week later a night out was organised through work, I was already in there and about a hour later she came in with two friends. I'm not being cocky but I do get on well with everyone and I am the oldest in the office but people were milling around me and we were laughing, people were buying me drinks as it was my birthday earlier that week. I went to the bar to get a drink and she appeared next to me and bought me a jaeger bomb. As the night went on we didn't really move far from each other we kept buying each other drnks as well as other people. I did get a bit worst for wear btu do remember her constantly making promise things and doing a "pinky promise" which means linking your little finger as you make the promise. At the end of night she was nagging me to go on somewhere to eat with her and her friends but I am very conscious of the age difference and do not want to come across as the weird old man so refused. During the night chatting to her friends they said she constantly talks about me. I went back to my hotel room alone and thought w T F just happened. Thats when I first wondered what was going on with me. The next morning was a saturday but as it was busy had both agreed to do overtime. She kept saying what a great night the night before had been and annoyed that I would not go eat with them She also asked me if I remembered the pinky promises. I told he I remember promising but not what I was promising. She got a bit serious and said to her because of what happened in the past with her she took pinky promised quite serious, don't do it if you don't mean it.
    When I got home that night I went on social media and she had invited me to her birthday party in two weeks time. I was a little bit pleased but knew I wouldn't go, how could a bloke of my age go to a party full of young people so didn't respond. Part of me thought she was just going through the motions and didn't really want me there. I later found out that she had been deadly serious and only invited 3 people from our office including me. I didn't respond and a few days later she asked me if I was going? I said no that I would be too out of place and for her and her friends and still concerned as coming across as the pervy older guy, and for her to have a good time.She said that all her friends know about me and I would be fine and her friend who came to the pub really liked me thought I'd be the life and soul. I still said no but she said I had to go next year to her 21st and she wanted me to do the music for her.
    At work we still got on really well had a great laugh and while talking about something mentioned that I'd been asked to go for a drink with a old work colleague, she asked would it be awkward if she tagged along? later we were talking about sport as I used to play rugby, I mentioned a rugby festival that is a mix of games and music etc and again she asked if I wanted to go with her. To be honest later due to exams she apologised and said she couldn't come to theses but when someone at work organised a boat trip to see fireworks and music I wasn't sure but she said I was going and bought me my ticket (I did give her the money back). There have been other times when she talked about placed to eat I said I'd never been there so she said she'd take me and to go to her place and she'd cook me a roast??
    I know there is a lot here but I am really confused on how to take all this. As I say I am a lot older but embarrased to say I have developed a crush if that's the right word.
    Since then she has done her exams and been on holiday with family and friends and going away again in a few weeks . Since then she hasn't mentioned about doing anything and I'm not going to bring it up though I want to. I do seem to constantly think about her/things even though I know it's stupid.

    I have no false ideas about myself. I know I am not Bradd Pitt or George Clooney, I'm bald slightly overweight and do not want to come across as a perv, but can I have some honest opinion on this please, especially women as I am not sure if I am reading this wrong or how to handle it. Neither of us have done anything wrong.

    Apologies for the long post, grammar mistakes

  2. #2
    Member Reg's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Beachdrifter
    I am very conscious of the age difference and do not want to come across as the weird old man so refused.

    knew I wouldn't go, how could a bloke of my age go to a party full of young people

    I would be too out of place and for her and her friends and still concerned as coming across as the pervy older guy

    I have no false ideas about myself....and do not want to come across as a perv
    This is the sensible side of you telling you that this isn't right ^


    Be realistic. How do you see this playing out? Let's say you get together with her... you will always feel weird at any social events with her, because you already do. And no doubt the age difference will cause all sorts of other issues (for example she couldn't go to the festival because she had to study for exams). Do you really want 'childish' things like exams getting in the way?

    And that's if everything goes well. If it all goes badly now you're just the pervy old guy at work who tried it on with his subordinate. That could get really ugly, and I'm sure you realise that.

    My advice - Chalk this up as a crush, forget about it, and draw a line. You can attend social events if she's invited a bunch of other people from work, but no weird one-on-one things.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. View this as the friendzone.

  4. #4
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    I briefly dated a man who was older than me (13 years) and it just did not work out. He didnít like my girlfriends, they were too young and bubbly for him, he would feel uncomfortable when we were all together,. He would then refuse to go out with me, I guess he felt out of place. He was smart and funny, but we had a very different lifestyle. Itís nice to have a friend at work, but keep it professional.

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  6. #5
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    Have you ever been married? Do you have any kids?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member JA0371's Avatar
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    Whatís your age difference? Anything up to 10 years is fine IMO...as long as you have common interest etc. why do you feel pervy around her?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She's flirting with you but she also doesn't know any better at 20/21. Think of yourself at that age. You asked us how to read her: she's naive and her world is very small. You should know how to behave with a coworker. I don't think I need to remind you of that.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Well, it seem you have the problem with the age difference. That's something you'll have to sort out on your own.

  10. #9
    Thanks for all the replies, I appreciate the honesty.
    I'm not stupid I know there is nothing that will come of this and I honestly wouldn't try to, it would be wrong, but I can't help but be flattered and my ego is pumped if Im honest. I am widowed and yes i do have 2 daughters and if ask how would I feel if they were with a older man? As long as he treated them right and they were truly happy I'd be fine but be there for them if they needed me. I am older than 40, but for an old git suprisingly struggling to cope with my feelings. I constantly tell my self not to be so stupid but I can't control the way I feel/think. You are correct I should know better, she is only 20 and maybe naieve altgough the things that have happened in her life very mature. Yeah she's probably just really friendly so perhaps I reading things wrong and when we interact and have a laugh it does make me feel good. One point I'd like to make about me is althoough i am old I honestly don't feel it or I suppose act it. One last point you correctly say I should lnow to behave with a co worker. I am not or have not done anything. I don't make rude comments, touch on the arm in a friendly manner. we Just get on really well.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It seems or sounds like the women your age in your life are very poorly represented. I would limit any contact with her and be a bit more sensible about your time at work or at these events. I have dated up to 41 years my senior and the second largest gap was 18 years my senior. In the first case, I attended his funeral. The second case was much sadder: I lost all respect for this older person as it was clear he was lacking in many areas of his life. It taught me that maturity is indeed not always indicated in numbers. It's demonstrated.

    Enjoy the ego boost.

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