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Thread: I need advice

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately this is in his, not your child's, best interest. This creates confusion and instability for her.
    Originally Posted by forlofeluv

    To make things clearer, 99.98% of the time HE asks to see her I go out of my way to make it happen even if it means canceling plans between her and I!

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately this is in his, not your child's, best interest. This creates confusion and instability for her.
    I agree, but I did it to avoid being the “bad guy” and so no one could say i was pulling a power play.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Who would say this and who cares? Do right by your child not this abusive ex.
    Originally Posted by forlofeluv
    I did it to avoid being the “bad guy” and so no one could say i was pulling a power play.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Who would say this and who cares? Do right by your child not this abusive ex.
    This is the first time I’ve experienced anything like this (the breakup and coparenting) so I’m still learning. That’s why i came here. I question every decision i for fear of making the wrong move. So every little thing i question. That’s why i ask for advice. I am learning that some decisions need to be re-evaluated simply because, like you said, create conflicts.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The best thing you can do is inform yourself of the ramifications and risks regarding domestic violence. Also get some counseling/therapy if you are still being controlled this much and feel you have to sacrifice your child and put her at risk to appease him.

    Brandishing a gun is a very high risk factor. Do not be fooled into thinking your daughter is not at risk and that he wouldn't do something crazy to her to get to you, such as kidnapping. Handing her over to him is a very risky. It's time to get appropriate legal and professional advice. Much of it is free. Break the cycle of violence you grew up with.

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  7. #36
    Platinum Member JA0371's Avatar
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    After I read “he pulled a gun on me and threatened my life” that was it for me. I understand you trying to be a noble mom and let your daughter have a relationship with her dad but seriously there are definitely situations like this that completely negate all of that . This man is capable of using a gun as a means to get what he wants... do you really want to put your daughter in that situation ? Using his sister as a mediator is pointless . I think supervised visitations in this situation should be you’re number one priority to ensure your daughter safety and well-being .

  8. #37
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Your ex is violent, abusive and capable of pulling a gun on you. He is also a manipulative psycho and that's putting it politely.

    What on earth makes you think that your daughter should have this creature in her life or that maintaining a relationship with this man is any way in her interest? Just because she shares his dna doesn't mean he should be in her life or that she should be subjected to his violence, lies, manipulations and other abuse. If there is a ever a case where you should be doing whatever it takes to shield and protect your child from this monster, you just described it. Yet, out of some strange sense of "not wanting to be a bad guy" you allow him to have contact and eff with this child's head.

    Do yourself a favor and speak to a child psychiatrist about the damage this man can cause to your daughter. If you are unsure of what you are doing, talk to a professional who can help you see the light and help you feel less like a "bad guy" when making the correct choices.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by forlofeluv
    I agree, but I did it to avoid being the “bad guy” and so no one could say i was pulling a power play.
    But, you did not do what was best for your kid.

    For some reason, you will not answer the question about not pressing charges.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by JA0371
    After I read “he pulled a gun on me and threatened my life” that was it for me. I understand you trying to be a noble mom and let your daughter have a relationship with her dad but seriously there are definitely situations like this that completely negate all of that . This man is capable of using a gun as a means to get what he wants... do you really want to put your daughter in that situation ? Using his sister as a mediator is pointless . I think supervised visitations in this situation should be you’re number one priority to ensure your daughter safety and well-being .
    Focusing on a gf, instead of a violent ex bf,. This guy is dangerous. People end up dead, with your type of decision making. You should have gone through the courts, long ago.

  11. #40
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    I don't think having her "father" bouncing in and out of her life every few months is having a "good relationship" with him.

    A set visitation and child support schedule filed in court would serve her best.

    And who is it you don't want to look like "the bad guy" in front of? Your ex?

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