Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 40

Thread: I need advice

  1. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    32
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You are focused on the gf and a beach date, not more important issues. The court should be determining the visitation through someone who is not a relative. You should also be receiving support for your child. Why aren't you doing these things? Why won't you answer the questions?

    Was he arrested???

    Who cares about the gf, you should be looking at the big picture.
    Youíre right. Thank you.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,531
    Hey. I think all you can really do in terms of beach day is contact his sister and ask about it 'mick has told Laura he's wanting to take her to the beach Tuesday, can you find out more details please' and for future visitation you really ought to go through court to get a schedule so he has set days etc. Honestly I think he went through your daughter so that if it doesn't happen you're the bad guy and not him.

  3. #23
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    32
    Originally Posted by Butterfly~Wrists
    Hey. I think all you can really do in terms of beach day is contact his sister and ask about it 'mick has told Laura he's wanting to take her to the beach Tuesday, can you find out more details please' and for future visitation you really ought to go through court to get a schedule so he has set days etc. Honestly I think he went through your daughter so that if it doesn't happen you're the bad guy and not him.



    You hit the nail on the head with the last sentence. These were my exact thoughts because he does it all of the time! And yes i agree I need to get a schedule through the courts.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,210
    Why didn't you press charges against this guy?

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,320
    You suggested to the courts that a gun loose guy with a bad temper should continue to see your daughter.
    Thatís fine.

    At the time he didnít have a girlfriend.
    But suddenly you worry about your daughter being in his company NOT because of his temper or gun wielding but because he has a GIRLFRIEND?
    That does not make sense to me.

    Of course his gf thinks you are crazy. She wouldnít be dating your ex if she actually knew the truth , clearly he has concocted lies about you to make him appear like the victim so his gf will continue to date him.

    Or perhaps you did get bitter about something and in an emotionally charged moment exaggerated your statement to the police and a had a slight change of heart at the court hearing???

    It sounds like you did have the option of supervised visits? And now regret not taking that option because you never foresaw that the unsupervised visits would have a gf in tow?

    Regardless of the question asked, you should absolutely be seeking child support.
    That IS in the best interest for your child.

  7. #26
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    22
    I agree with others above that say to go to his sister and ask about the beach visit he suggested to her and get it set up properly. Sure, he is probably saying it through your daughter to annoy you since he knows who he should be going through but be the bigger person for your daughter and go about it correctly.

    As for being uncomfortable... Ask yourself if your uncomfortable just because of how he went about it and if it's because of the girlfriend. Is there an actual legitimate reason to be uncomfortable that affects the safety of your child? Sounds to me like it's not so much a safety concern but moreso the way he is setting it up and the girlfriend not liking you. Again, in this situation, you have to be the bigger person. Who cares what his girlfriend thinks about you? I know it never feels good to have someone dislike you especially if the don't know you or if you feel they have the wrong impression but she's not your girlfriend so what's it matter. Whether you like it or not you may have to face the fact that if you want your daughter to have a relationship with her father he may introduce your daughter to the girlfriend or other people in his life. It's just the way it is. Trying to control that isn't going to benefit anyone. Only exception would be if either of them are putting your child in danger. That's another issue but I don't think that's what's really going on here.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    33,275
    Gender
    Male
    For your protection, it's best to discontinue ad hoc, capricious ways to interact with him regarding your daughter. Let the be on your side and law tell him what to do.
    Originally Posted by forlofeluv
    I didnít confirm or deny if he was giving money for her.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,328
    Gender
    Female
    Ok - you wonít like my post, but I do hope you take it to heart.

    The reason that the GF is calling you a ďbitter exĒ is because you are ALSO engaging in power plays.

    Itís not a play date with a friend. You donít get to decide if she can go to the beach with her father. She CAN go to the beach with her father. She can go to the beach or the zoo or the circus or whatever else he sees fit with his time with her. (Ok... maybe not a crack house if you have documented proof that heís taking her there - the courts would object to that). But no court would side with you re: not taking her to the beach. The ONLY question at hand is if he can see her on Tuesday or some other day.

    And the only reason thatís a question is because you donít have an established visitation schedule. You should understand, though, that if you deny too many requests for arbitrary reasons you are putting your OWN custody at risk. Courts donít take kindly on parents who try to keep their child from the other parent.

    Similarly, you donít get to decide if she spends time with the GF. Again - unless you have documented proof that she is a drug addict or your child is in imminent danger - her father can bring her around anyone he wants. You have no control over that. Just as he has no control over what you do with YOUR time with your child.

    I think that the sooner you come to terms with all this, the better it will be for everyone. This all sounds like a high-conflict situation. You both need to de-escalate.

    On that note... you mentioned that he ďhasnít established legitimacyĒ. Are you going to question that? 👀 I mean... just by putting visitation in the restraining order youíve basically acknowledged that heís her father.

    If you are really, really honest with yourself in a quiet moment of reflection, you will see that you are also using all this as a game for leverage and power and a mechanism to hurt each other. Itís not healthy or productive or whatís best for your child.

    Btw - I do absolutely agree with you that he should have gone through his sister instead. Promising the child he will bring her to the beach puts you in an awkward position. But at the end of the day - if he had an established visitation schedule, this would not be an issue.

    And thatís why people here are focusing on the legalities and formalities of it all. Once that structure is established, it will be much easier for each of you to stay in your own lanes and the drama should reduce. Just something to think about...

  10. #29
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    32
    Originally Posted by Billie28
    You suggested to the courts that a gun loose guy with a bad temper should continue to see your daughter.
    Thatís fine.

    At the time he didnít have a girlfriend.
    But suddenly you worry about your daughter being in his company NOT because of his temper or gun wielding but because he has a GIRLFRIEND?
    That does not make sense to me.

    Of course his gf thinks you are crazy. She wouldnít be dating your ex if she actually knew the truth , clearly he has concocted lies about you to make him appear like the victim so his gf will continue to date him.

    Or perhaps you did get bitter about something and in an emotionally charged moment exaggerated your statement to the police and a had a slight change of heart at the court hearing???

    It sounds like you did have the option of supervised visits? And now regret not taking that option because you never foresaw that the unsupervised visits would have a gf in tow?

    Regardless of the question asked, you should absolutely be seeking child support.
    That IS in the best interest for your child.
    1. At the time he was already seeing the same woman heís seeing now. Thatís the main reason for our split, because i found out.

    2. My daughter has gone and spent the night with he and her once before, and i had no problem. Only difference now is that sheís openly expressed a negative opinion which I would hate for her to repeat around or to my daughter.

    3. I kept the same energy and ďexaggerationĒ from beginning to end, from the time the statement was made until the hearing and now, thatís why the order was granted.

    4. Not one statement here indicates or suggests i ever had the option or supervised visits, because I didnít. I had the option to include my daughter as a protected person in the order or allow her to keep seeing her father, and i did chose the latter. My daughter has been around her fatherís multiple girlfriends so that has always been foreseeable.

    5. He threatened me with the gun because of his anger toward me, not my daughter.


    We digress.

  11. #30
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    32

    I need advice

    Originally Posted by RedDress
    Ok - you wonít like my post, but I do hope you take it to heart.

    The reason that the GF is calling you a ďbitter exĒ is because you are ALSO engaging in power plays.

    Itís not a play date with a friend. You donít get to decide if she can go to the beach with her father. She CAN go to the beach with her father. She can go to the beach or the zoo or the circus or whatever else he sees fit with his time with her. (Ok... maybe not a crack house if you have documented proof that heís taking her there - the courts would object to that). But no court would side with you re: not taking her to the beach. The ONLY question at hand is if he can see her on Tuesday or some other day.

    And the only reason thatís a question is because you donít have an established visitation schedule. You should understand, though, that if you deny too many requests for arbitrary reasons you are putting your OWN custody at risk. Courts donít take kindly on parents who try to keep their child from the other parent.

    Similarly, you donít get to decide if she spends time with the GF. Again - unless you have documented proof that she is a drug addict or your child is in imminent danger - her father can bring her around anyone he wants. You have no control over that. Just as he has no control over what you do with YOUR time with your child.

    I think that the sooner you come to terms with all this, the better it will be for everyone. This all sounds like a high-conflict situation. You both need to de-escalate.

    On that note... you mentioned that he ďhasnít established legitimacyĒ. Are you going to question that? I mean... just by putting visitation in the restraining order youíve basically acknowledged that heís her father.

    If you are really, really honest with yourself in a quiet moment of reflection, you will see that you are also using all this as a game for leverage and power and a mechanism to hurt each other. Itís not healthy or productive or whatís best for your child.

    Btw - I do absolutely agree with you that he should have gone through his sister instead. Promising the child he will bring her to the beach puts you in an awkward position. But at the end of the day - if he had an established visitation schedule, this would not be an issue.

    And thatís why people here are focusing on the legalities and formalities of it all. Once that structure is established, it will be much easier for each of you to stay in your own lanes and the drama should reduce. Just something to think about...
    The statement regarding rights is only hypothetical. Let me make this clear: my daughter sees her father every 1-3 months and thatís HIS choice. When i referenced the legality of this matter, my point was that her father LEGALLY does not have rights until he legitimizes our daughter so technically I CAN make any decision that I want according to the state that I live in. Thatís what I CAN do according to law, however itís not something I ever did.

    To make things clearer, 99.98% of the time HE asks to see her I go out of my way to make it happen even if it means canceling plans between her and I! Again, i donít pull power plays, the statement was made in response to somebody telling me ďlegallyĒ he can see her whenever, when LEGALLY, he canít, because In the state that i reside, if we werenít married or he hasnít petitioned the court for legitimation, he has NO rights. Again, I STILL make sure he sees her almost at EVERY request. By choice he asks for her 1-3 month intervals and Iím sure it has everything to do with the fact that the restraining order is in place and heís upset because he cannot possess a weapon which he will says HE NEEDS. Me not the restraining order have ANYTHING to do with his wanting to spend time with his daughter, and thatís not justification, thatís just what i know. Maybe i worded my thread wrong or because i havenít provided additional details to my situation you all are going in a direction i didnít expect. But thank you, Iíll do better on the next post
    Last edited by forlofeluv; 06-18-2019 at 06:57 AM.

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •