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Thread: Not sure why the break up happened

  1. #1
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    Not sure why the break up happened

    Some backstory - we dated for 2 months, had an argument about how she wouldn't be able to commit (she's divorced and has had trouble having a long term boyfriend), she left me, 2 days later she said she made a mistake and we tried again and lasted another 2 months.

    During these 2 months she worked on her commitment issues to the point where she invited me to go to a 5K in another state and meet her parents. I met both parents, her brothers, and extended family. I am the first person since her ex husband to meet her family and the longest shes ever dated someone since the divorce which was 3 years ago. They were great and all seemed to really enjoy meeting me. Once we got back, things were great. I then brought up that we should think about giving the relationship a title at this point. She wasn't sure and it turned into a back and forth argument. The next day we talked it out and the rest of the week was great.

    I didn't see her Saturday night because she had an event with her mom. She texted me the whole night and called me the next day asking if I wanted to meet her and her friend for a drink and food. She was in a great mood on the phone but the minute I got there in person, she was cold and distant. She kept making snide remarks to the point that I asked her if there was a problem. She said no and kept being rude to me. Her friend noticed this as well and kept telling her to stop. At the urging of her friend, we went inside to talk. I asked "what's wrong? why are you being so disrespectful to me? I don't like it and it's making me feel unwanted." She immediately flips and goes "Nope. I'm going home." Her friend tries to talk sense in her but after a while it's clear she doesn't want to hear it so I say bye to her friend and tell the ex "hopefully we can talk about this"

    2 hours later she texts me that she can't be with someone who thinks that she's disrespecting them and ends it. A few days later she lets me know that while she thinks we can patch this up and continue forward, she doesn't think we'll work long term and wants to move on. I tell her I do want to work on us but if she doesn't then I guess this is the end. I said goodbye and let her know I needed to remove her and her friends/family off social media as a way to help move on. She texted that she understood and would miss me too and wished me the best.

    I am still beyond confused as to what happened and why she snapped like that and then broke up with me over text instead of in person. It has been a little less than a week since we've spoken and things are still confusing. Any possible insight to why this happened or has anyone else experienced something like this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Why did you decide to meet her family and go on vacation before you both agreed where each other stood in the relationship?

  3. #3
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    My read on this is that she staged the fight to give herself a "reason" to end it, because she knew that she didn't want to put a title on your relationship and didn't want to be the one to pull the plug.

    She isn't on the same page as you, at the end of the day. I would let her stay gone this time. It wasn't heading in the direction you'd hoped.

  4. #4
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    She has commitment issues. She may think that it will automatically end anyway so why get more invested. At the same time she wants company so the relationship lasts for a while and then she stabs her bf in the hopes that he will break up with her. If he doesn't then she breaks up saying she doesn't want to be with someone that thinks she's stabbing them. Even though there's eye witnesses to her stabbing her bf, she still has the knife and there's blood on it. She needs therapy, for many hours and really expensive therapy.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Don't ignore clear signs someone is not interested enough in you to respect your wishes or what you're looking for in a relationship. It's always downhill from there when we disregard those signs. It never gets better. Leave her alone and move on.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    For whatever reason, she doesn't seem ready to date. After only a few months it's an on/off hot/cold roller coaster. Maybe she's not over someone, maybe she has mood/personality problems that led to her "problems with commitment". Either way she's too much of a headache to deal with at this point.

  8. #7
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    Why are there "commitment" issues at 2 months? That feels quite soon to expect any commitment. Unless she was just breaking up with you with an excuse.

    And then the further 2 months sound like you were (one or the other or both of you perhaps) trying to force something that wasn't really working or that she wasn't ready for.

  9. #8
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    I agree with everyone here. You got needy and wanted to label something WAY too soon.

    That said - relationships are WORK.

    And some people just aren't ready to date...or work on them. They just want to have fun. Especially once they've been burned, or are hung up on someone else. They just have their guard up and you have to go extra slow.

    You could play games to lure them back in, but bottom line, you want to find someone who wants to work towards a common goal....not bail.

    Personally, I don't think 2 months in is that crazy to define something. Once I'm sleeping with someone, it's usually exclusive, and the bf/gf title just kinda comes out naturally.

  10. #9
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    You guys moved way too fast. You dated 8 weeks and you already met her family. There is no way a relationship could sustain that speed. you can say she has commitment issues because she moved too fast but why on earth would you get so caught up with someone that fast, too? I mean, i can see if someone lives with their parents and the person they were dating met the them not as a formal event but in passing, a quick hi because they crossed paths and to assure them that their child - even if they were 30 was not hanging out with a serial killer, but beyond that common sense thing - you should have simply been dating. you can blame her to the moon and back, but you need to slow your roll with the next woman, too


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