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Thread: What to do when a date blows your mind?

  1. #1
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    What to do when a date blows your mind?

    So, I had a date yesterday, didn't have any expectations but was hopeful that the chemistry via text would relate to real life. It did! Instant connection and all the important things I'm looking for, common interests and values appear to be there. He made it very clear he was keen and I reciprocated to a lesser degree (I'm in no rush to get married off haha). We have agreed to go on a date again next week.

    Problem is, I'm shocked, I've not experienced this before (maybe when I was younger and didn't have a definitive idea of what I wanted so good chemistry was enough). The guy is in my head! I couldn't sleep last night and today I'm not very focussed at work because I'm trying to process what happened. So! How do I get a grip of myself. If I get stuck in my head about it I'll be my own worst enemy.

    I went for a walk on my lunch break but that didn't help and I know if I go see my friends I'll end up just gushing about this guy.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You're setting yourself up for major heartache.

    You had one date, and you're already thinking of white picket fences. Slow down. First dates are often fabulous until you start finding out who the person is. Don't do this to yourself. Give it a lot of time and don't invest your heart yet.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Talk about a pendulum swing....

    Ignoring all that my best advice to you is to slow down. That first date buzz when you click is awesome for sure, but you still have to pace yourself. Enjoy getting to know one another, I’m happy you met someone, enjoy it, stay grounded you’ll be ok.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    First dates aren't a for sure thing..everyone is on their best behavior so you cannot gauge the truth on everything based on that. Trust me, many have went all hearts and flowers over a total loser because the first date went well.

    Like others said...slow down.

    You don't know him, you don't know if this is genuine, you don't know for certain that it is all trustworthy and real. You need many more dates before you can determine that.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
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    I can relate, my first date with my fiance was similar and by date 3 we had made our relationship official and now 2.5 years later we're going as strong as ever.

    My advice, just enjoy the moments and getting to know him but keep a logical head don't let the emotions run away with you. 😊

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I admit it's hard to give advice about this situation without taking into account the tone and tenor of the last post.

    How to get a grip? Well, it's to remember that men are...just men. They are neither creepy, overeager clingers who are the root of exhaustion and frustration, nor are they pheromonal stallions who represent the answer to loneliness, the solution to angst, the opening of a new life. They are people. Yesterday you met one you had a nice time with. Great. Meet again, see what's what. Maybe you end up dating, maybe not. Both are fine outcomes—neither, at this point, any better than the other.

    Easy for me to write that down—and, for the most part, pretty easy for me to live it out there in the world—but I do worry about you a bit, I confess. Not sleeping? This should only be cause for excellent sleep. Trying to process? There is next to nothing to process save for: great time, looking forward to the next one.

    Whenever I hear an expression like "this guy is in my head!" what I translate it it is "this guy is reminding me that I'm a little wobbly!" Work on those wobbles, explore them, so you have space to get to know people.

  8. #7
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    I would get super excited about dating in my early 20s’, if I liked a guy and the attraction was mutual. Now I’m slightly older and have this rule – don’t be excited unless he’s your boyfriend. Some men are huge players, they know what to say and how to get under your skin, you need more dates to find out who he really is.

  9. #8
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    Try to keep yourself calm.

    There's another poster on here who becomes "very excited" about every single guy she meets and/or goes on one date with. She thinks each guy is her new boyfriend. And she becomes bitterly disappointed and heartbroken every time it doesn't work out. She doesn't take the time to find out if the guy is right for her before she becomes "very excited" and attached emotionally.

    Level set. It's great that you had fun and like this guy. But make sure to slow down and get to know him before you start believing he's the new great love of your life.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Some men are huge players, they know what to say and how to get under your skin, you need more dates to find out who he really is.
    Absolutely!! I have learned this lesson too. Tough lesson but a very real one too. Some men just know how to charm and say the exact right words and things seem so perfect.

    It doesn't mean it's real.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not sure why you're fighting it so badly. Enjoy it. Obviously not everyone you meet will be interesting enough to induce you to see them again. Be at peace and just see how it unfolds. You're worrying too much about trying to control your enjoyment and I think it's a little harsh on yourself.

    I remember what it was like when I met my husband after we connected online. The chemistry was instant and undeniable. Follow your instincts and don't worry yourself over nothing.

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