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Thread: What to do when a date blows your mind?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I agree, you should enjoy this high while it lasts. You are happy you met someone very interesting and I am sure by the time date 2 rolls around your feet will have found terra firma once again.

    Try and not play to many of the dating rules/games. You are interested so make sure he can tell you are! Sometimes us guys are pretty dense and can miss the subtle signs.

    I am really happy for you! I have been doing the online thing since February and I know how rare this opportunity is. Even if it doesn't work out in the end it helps reassure you that there are in fact people out there you are interested in.

    Lost

  2. #22
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    I agree with head in the clouds and feet on the grounds. Permit the feelings to exist, choose the actions and reactions. Is there a second date planned, time and place? If not assume -realistically and logically -that there is no next date and enjoy the memories. And if he plans another date then assume he will show up and you show up too and see how it goes. No confusion - just don't subject him to your feelings by overwhelming him with texts/contact, etc. Let things evolve like unwrapping a many layered package.

    And he may be a genuinely good person, not full of BS and also not right for you - and you will know that either way in a couple of months of dating.

  3. #23
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    Hello all, last night I got a severe migraine which has lasted until now. Had to take the day off work today as it didn't go away with sleep like usual. Typically my migraines follow a mood swing like giddiness or sadness so maybe the date wasn't much to do with what I was feeling lol. Might have been more the migraine than anything else 🤔

    Starting to feel a bit recovered from my migraine and now I'm feeling a lot more grounded. Had to cancel my other date tonight due to being ill.

    To answer some queries, we didn't kiss, at least not on the mouth. He went in for a peck, I told him he could have one on the cheek. I think he is far more into me than I am into him but he's definitely caught my interest and I really loved the date. I did notice some things to keep my eye on but we will see how those things develop. I don't think you get a good idea of someone on a first date, someone might come off worse due to nerves or better due to trying to give you the best impression. We agreed on the date we would like to see each other again and have since confirmed that by text but haven't set a time/day. I haven't initiated much texting other than to wish him a good flight and he has sent me a few texts but I haven't responded yet due to being ill and also not interested in texting all the time.

    I'm in two minds whether I want to see him again at this point. My gut is that we could get on great as friends, have amazing fun, maybe even great sex but one of my important values is to be frugal, he earns a lot so far as I can tell, hangs around with pilots etc and seems to be a bit clueless about the realities of living on an average wage. I mentioned living with my housemate when we last text and he questioned why an adult would live in a house share. He was quite rude about it imo but I am exceptionally sensitive about this kind of thing because I hate my living situation. The fact is though that it's a pretty common living situation for people my age. I find it really odd that he doesn't realise this. Reminds me of my technical director who comes over whining about how he has trouble getting his Morgan (expensive vintage car) down to the main road, because his mansion is so remote the little side road is poorly maintained by the council and full of potholes. Oh you poor thing, how awful for you 😂😂😂 meanwhile were sat there like, wish I could afford a house, or a Morgan 😂😂

  4. #24
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    I think the main thing is I had an awesome date and am feeling like I'm finally in a good place for dating where I'm just in the moment enjoying the other person instead of fretfully analysing their behaviour for signs of whether they will hurt me or be abusive. Looking forward to more fun dates whether they are with him or other people 😊

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thornz
    Hello all, last night I got a severe migraine which has lasted until now. Had to take the day off work today as it didn't go away with sleep like usual. Typically my migraines follow a mood swing like giddiness or sadness so maybe the date wasn't much to do with what I was feeling lol. Might have been more the migraine than anything else 🤔

    Starting to feel a bit recovered from my migraine and now I'm feeling a lot more grounded. Had to cancel my other date tonight due to being ill.

    To answer some queries, we didn't kiss, at least not on the mouth. He went in for a peck, I told him he could have one on the cheek. I think he is far more into me than I am into him but he's definitely caught my interest and I really loved the date. I did notice some things to keep my eye on but we will see how those things develop. I don't think you get a good idea of someone on a first date, someone might come off worse due to nerves or better due to trying to give you the best impression. We agreed on the date we would like to see each other again and have since confirmed that by text but haven't set a time/day. I haven't initiated much texting other than to wish him a good flight and he has sent me a few texts but I haven't responded yet due to being ill and also not interested in texting all the time.

    I'm in two minds whether I want to see him again at this point. My gut is that we could get on great as friends, have amazing fun, maybe even great sex but one of my important values is to be frugal, he earns a lot so far as I can tell, hangs around with pilots etc and seems to be a bit clueless about the realities of living on an average wage. I mentioned living with my housemate when we last text and he questioned why an adult would live in a house share. He was quite rude about it imo but I am exceptionally sensitive about this kind of thing because I hate my living situation. The fact is though that it's a pretty common living situation for people my age. I find it really odd that he doesn't realise this. Reminds me of my technical director who comes over whining about how he has trouble getting his Morgan (expensive vintage car) down to the main road, because his mansion is so remote the little side road is poorly maintained by the council and full of potholes. Oh you poor thing, how awful for you 😂😂😂 meanwhile were sat there like, wish I could afford a house, or a Morgan 😂😂
    And yet another pendulum swing.

    Why are you analyzing so much? Just enjoy the fact that you met someone you vibe with.

    I think weíre starting to get a clearer picture of why dating stresses you out this much, it was one date.

    Just slow down and enjoy getting to know him, have fun with it.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thornz
    I think the main thing is I had an awesome date and am feeling like I'm finally in a good place for dating where I'm just in the moment enjoying the other person instead of fretfully analysing their behaviour for signs of whether they will hurt me or be abusive. Looking forward to more fun dates whether they are with him or other people 😊
    But thatís literally what you just did...

    Read the post right above, you just did all the things you say you arenít doing anymore.

    Iím super confused right now.

  8. #27
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    That makes two of us. You seem quite judgmental of someone you just met and while being over the moon youíre also not responding to his texts? Do they require a response ? Is he trying to plan another date? I just donít get it other than itís consistent with enjoying the thrill of chemistry but putting up walls and barriers to actually getting to know this person.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Well that's what second dates are for...a second look. Enjoy and if it doesn't pan out, it was a learning opportunity.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    That makes three, at the risk of piling it on.

    Not sure if it's possible for you, but I'd encourage you to try to be of "no minds" rather than "two minds" at this stage. Nice time, nice guy, see what's what, end of analysis. Instead, in a 24 hour period, he's been deemed mind blowing, or maybe just a friend, or maybe a fling, or maybe a rude, fiscally recklessness bozo, or...

    The type of scrutiny this guy is now underónot unlike the guy who "fancied a call"óis simply too much for any person to really come out from under.

    I don't mean to sound harsh. Speaking only for myself, I know that when I'm this in my head about dating it means I can't really date. When I'm of "no mind" about itówell, that's when its fun. You meet people, you see where it goes.

    Reading between the lines of this thread and the last one, I can't help but see someone who really, really does not like men or the idea of dating them. Analyzing and judging them, yes, but not getting to know them and maybe dating them.

  11. #30
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    >>I haven't initiated much texting other than to wish him a good flight and he has sent me a few texts but I haven't responded yet due to being ill and also not interested in texting all the time. <<

    thornz, if you continue with this mindset, trust me, you are not gonna be successful in dating any man. Men need to know you're interested too!

    Your actions (or lack thereof) make it appear you are quite unaware of this fact and deem it within your right to act as nonchalant and distant as you like, and they will still be interested and chase you.

    NOT gonna happen! Perhaps it might with low life losers who get off on chasing unavailable women, is that what you're used to?

    But not with quality men looking for quality women to date and develop a relationship with.

    I recall your previous thread wherein your date expressed a desire to see you again on the weekend, and although you had nothing pressing going on, you intentionally pushed if off to the following week. You didn't even want to talk to him in the meantime!

    You also criticized him up the wazoo, just like you're doing now with this man, while at the same time, claiming you really like him and cannot stop thinking about him!

    I am going to echo bluecastle in saying I question how much you actually like men and the action (not idea) but action of dating them.

    Your actions seem to contradict that notion.

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