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I feel like I have been lied to this whole time, help?


sarafollows

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To begin, I will add a little backstory. So there was this guy who I hung out with at college last year during the first semester. We have been talking back and forth for the past 10 months. We had this group of friends that we would always hang out with as well. Anyways, this guy was my brother's roommate. My brother went to the college we attended for only a couple of months. Anyways, I had a huge crush on my brother's roommate. We will call this guy, "Brian". Anyways, my brother knew that I had a crush on Brian. I had my brother inform Brian that I was interested in him. He did that and days later my brother informed me that Brian was not interested. However, I still had a huge crush on Brian that lasted all the way up until just this last week. I also didn't believe my brother, cause me lies a lot and gave me two different answers as to what his response was. So I wasn't really sure if he had told him about the crush or not.

So, this last week has been very stressful for me. I had been telling my family about my crush on Brian for months. Last Sunday night, my sister took it upon herself and found Brian on instagram. She randomly texted him and said "My sis has a crush on you" Brian responded and told her that he had to take care of this himself. He then contacted me on instagram and informed me that he knew about the crush I had on him for the past 10 months, but kept the secret to himself because he had never had someone interested in him before and he claimed that he was too scared to bring it up every time we hung out. He knows that this was a mistake. He then spammed me with messages that say things along the lines like, "I really care about you" " I consider you as a close friend" etc; Honestly, I don't consider him a close friend. I only hung out with him first semester of the college year. Anyways, as the week goes on, I find out that my sister and Brian have been texting back and forth quite often. She will even show me some of the texts. He always asks how I am and if I am ok and things like that. But I feel like there is something else. They are hiding things from me. He never texts me first to ask me how I am, I always have to reach out to him. So lately I have been feeling like this guy has been lying to me this whole time about caring about me and wanting to be my friend. I wanted answers, so I texted him tonight and ask him, "Do you actually care about me, or do you just say that to get a response"? He replies saying things like, I care about everyone that I call my friend, He also says things in complicated ways and blames it on having "A lot of information in his head and that he can't help dumping it all out at once" I also asked him about why he purposely avoided me and ignored my texts when we were in college when I wanted to plan hang outs with him. He said that maybe I didn't get his replies. But last time i checked, my phone worked just fine. The biggest red flag that I have noticed is that he revealed to me that he believes life is a game. I then tell him that I don't believe him that he is telling the truth about caring about me. He then makes up excuses and sends long paragraphs that say things like " I am immune to emotional stress, my life being a game helps me look at it in an objective light" He also tells me that he eliminates his human inclinations so that he is able to harm the least amount of people as possible in situations in which he hurts them. He claims that the fun part of the game is the issues that are not associated with people's feelings. Anyways, I am not sure any of this makes sense. But if you know anyone who thinks life is just a big game, you probably understand. My issue is, I am not sure if I should believe in what he is saying. He is very intelligent and is able to twist words and make someone confused. He also tends to joke around a lot. He is a pretty emotionless person as well, so none of this has affected him at all it seems. I think he gets a thrill out of doing this. And also, my sister and him talk a lot and I feel like he is talking to her about me. Probably not good things. I just need some advice, If I need to clarify or add anything, please let me know. I just want to know if I should keep a friendship with this guy or should i just let him go. Thank you!

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I would not attempt to keep a friendship going with this guy, and it honestly doesn't sound like you two were ever really friends to begin with.

 

He fancies himself edgy and intelligent and "dark," but he appears to be quite immature. I get the impression you are all quite young so I imagine he will outgrow this someday. However, it would not be in your best interest to try to get close to him. He is not giving you any indication that he's interested.

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He is not interested in you . His responses to you you shout it out!!

However he is a bit too meek to be blunt!

He is not interested!!!! That’s all!!

 

He is not interested in your sister either !! And she isn’t interested in him. That’s why they converse easily.

 

And your brother might at times be misleading with the truth but seriously he has no benefit to tell you this guy isn’t interested even if he was.

 

Drop the crush already! You are starting to become scary.

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I'm sorry, but he's not interested in you and he uses the word "friend" as a way of letting you down easy.

 

He doesn't want to come off as rude and he is trying to be a nice guy.

 

Let it go, it's not his fault if he's not interested, just the same as it won't be your fault if some guy likes you one day and you don't feel the same.

 

Brian tried to be nice about things, so that's the end. No more messages, no more accusing him and no more talking about it to other people.

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It's probably for the best too if you don't develop crushes on your brother or sisters friends as it can make things way too complicated.

 

Don't let it get to you though, we have all been there with liking someone and it's not reciprocated.

 

It's no big deal and you will have many more boys come into your life in the future.

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As others said, I would l this go, he doesn’t sound mature. Next time you like someone, you don’t have to tell your family, text the guy yourself. You don't need your family/friends involved to start a conversation. Good luck!

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He is not interested in you in that way. Let it go. You are both very immature. You've left junior high and high school behind, and it is no longer normal or cute to have your friend or brother telling guys about your crush on them and if they like you back. Brian sounds like a little bit of a jerk, TBH. He seems to find great joy in belittling people while he likens himself to some sort of higher power of intelligence. He'll probably grow out of the obnoxiousness at some point, but for now, why are you bothering with him? He's not interested, and you can certainly do better. College is a smorgasbord of dates and experiences. Use it to explore what you want out of a relationship and then stick with a guy that fits those needs and desires and someone who likes you back and treats you with some decency and is honest with you.

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Sorry but unless I missed something, what has "Brian" actually done wrong? He is not interested in you and he has told you this directly, as well as telling your brother to pass it on to you too. Ideally it's probably better if you have a crush on someone to tell them yourself and not ask other people to do it. But either way you did get an answer. Just because you have a crush on this guy doesn't mean he has to like you back. Even if hypothetically he liked your sister it's not exactly like he did anything wrong coz he never hit on you at all and nothing ever happened between you. He might just be saying he cares about you as a friend just to be nice and polite. I don't see what he's done wrong. It just sounds like you're annoyed that your crush is not reciprocated, so you're looking for a reason to blame this guy for something.

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I am reading the responses and so far I am noticing that people believe that I still have a crush on Brian. That is wrong. I also did not make my siblings text him to tell him that I had a crush on him. They did that behind my back and then revealed to me what they did later on. Brian actually did reject me through text after my siblings texted him and I accepted. I had a feeling for months that he was not interested. The reason why I am upset about all of this is because I believe it is wrong to lie to someone and tell them that you care about them and that if you need to talk to them at any time, they are there for you. I know this guy personally and based off of his reputation and personality, It all just seems like one big lie. I decided that I am no longer going to communicate with him. I am going to put this in the past. We solved the issue as well, so it is over. I am done with wasting my time trying to figure out the truth. Thank you guys for the responses. I really appreciate it. There are other people out there, much better than him.

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Even though a lot of this was uncomfortable, please don't miss the valuable lesson here.

 

I believe it is wrong to lie to someone and tell them that you care about them and that if you need to talk to them at any time, they are there for you.

 

You will meet a lot of people in your lifetime where their words don't match their actions. You are disappointed because this guy said he wanted to be your friend and in the end he acted in so many ways that proved to be not friendly. I'd have to go back and reread this, but I don't think this guy was ever very friendly towards you. He talked a lot of smack through your friend to have it get back to you. That's just not enough to bet on. Instead you were invested in it.

 

Focus on a persons actions and don't place that much value in what they say.

At best, the two should match.

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People lie.

 

I didn't read very much of what you wrote because it was a big wall of text. Big walls of text trying to analyze why someone else acted a certain way usually indicate someone who isn't worth the effort you are spending on them. Don't invest energy in people who aren't worth it. You could be putting that energy into people who are.

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He fancies himself edgy and intelligent and "dark," but he appears to be quite immature.

 

I agree with this. He sounds quite cerebral, rather than emotional. Nothing wrong with that necessarily, you just can't relate to it, it's not who you are. You seem like more of an emotional person.

 

I've known guys like this, I don't even think it's immaturity so much as a certain type of intellectualism you don't understand or relate to.

 

So you think he's bonkers!

 

Bottom line, you're not compatible, whether a friendship or otherwise.

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I agree with this. He sounds quite cerebral, rather than emotional. Nothing wrong with that necessarily, you just can't relate to it, it's not who you are. You seem like more of an emotional person.

 

I've known guys like this, I don't even think it's immaturity so much as a certain type of intellectualism you don't understand or relate to.

 

So you think he's bonkers!

 

Bottom line, you're not compatible, whether a friendship or otherwise.

 

He's kind of a head f*er, really.

You need to cross the street when you meet these people. He's admitted that life is nothing but a game to him. Guess what that makes you? Some one to play with.

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He's kind of a head f*er, really.

You need to cross the street when you meet these people. He's admitted that life is nothing but a game to him. Guess what that makes you? Some one to play with.

 

Yeah he may be! But it's not always intentional, as I said I've known guys like this, they're good guys.

 

They're "game" is not a game as you and I know it. The word is used rhetorically, not to be taken literally.

 

I dunno, I've had some great exchanges with guys like this; I'm a super emotional person but there may be a cerebral side of me too.

 

Remember the ER doctor I dated before meeting my current boyfriend? He was very much like this.

 

Extremely cerebral, intellectual, non-emotional.

 

That said, I don't know this guy, so can't say if he's intentionally mind fu**ing her or not.

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Yeah he may be! But it's not always intentional, as I said I've known guys like this, they're good guys.

 

They're "game" is not a game as you and I know it. The word is used rhetorically, not to be taken literally.

 

I dunno, I've had some great exchanges with guys like this; I'm a super emotional person but there may be a cerebral side of me too.

 

Remember the ER doctor I dated before meeting my current boyfriend? He was very much like this.

 

Extremely cerebral, intellectual, non-emotional.

 

That said, I don't know this guy, so can't say if he's intentionally mind fu**ing her or not.

 

Ultimately... it doesn't matter whether someone else's behavior is intentional or not. You aren't forced to have that kind of energy in your life if it is not healthy for you.

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I am super confused as to why you want to be friends with someone you believe has been lying to you, playing games with you and is emotionally unavailable? I mean he had been very transparent that this is who he is, so if you keep chasing him you are agreeing to take on all of his nonsense as well.

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Ultimately... it doesn't matter whether someone else's behavior is intentional or not. You aren't forced to have that kind of energy in your life if it is not healthy for you.

 

I agree! And I eventually ended it with my ex-doctor boyfriend for this very reason!

 

After awhile, while I could relate on some level, it left me feeling sort of "meh" and uninspired.

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I am reading the responses and so far I am noticing that people believe that I still have a crush on Brian. That is wrong. I also did not make my siblings text him to tell him that I had a crush on him. They did that behind my back and then revealed to me what they did later on. Brian actually did reject me through text after my siblings texted him and I accepted. I had a feeling for months that he was not interested. The reason why I am upset about all of this is because I believe it is wrong to lie to someone and tell them that you care about them and that if you need to talk to them at any time, they are there for you. I know this guy personally and based off of his reputation and personality, It all just seems like one big lie. I decided that I am no longer going to communicate with him. I am going to put this in the past. We solved the issue as well, so it is over. I am done with wasting my time trying to figure out the truth. Thank you guys for the responses. I really appreciate it. There are other people out there, much better than him.

 

So don't share your crushes with your family. Why do you have to share it with all of them? Pick one or two good friends you trust that you can share these things and that's it. Also if your crushes are friends with your brother and sister don't share it with them? What for?

 

Also I don't see what he's done that is so wrong or how he's a liar or something. Just douchy.

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I find it helpful to choose the best explanations to ease my own head and heart. Calling someone a liar would be the opposite of that. It's not against the law, you can walk around feeling lied to if you want. It just won't buy you anything. Casting yourself into victimhood is not a great way to build confidence in your own judgment going forward.

 

It's much simpler to recognize that the guy was never interested in dating you, or he would have simply asked you out. Nothing he said betrayed that fact.

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