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Thread: Threesome went bad now I feel he cheated on me

  1. #21
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    Many open-minded members on ENA! :)

    I don't believe he was pushy because he asked you three times. You can always say no, you know, and split.

    It's no surprise things didn't go as expected. Jealousy is a strange thing.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Whenever I see a poster state, "I did x objectionable to me personally act in order to save my relationship, or some version of hang on to my partner", it screams of a terrible relationship at its core where one partner holds all the cards and all the power and the other is learning the hard way that selling your soul to hang on to a relationship isn't worth it and comes with horrible consequences.

    OP, the threesome thing is more like a wake up call for you. Don't get fixated on that because you have much deeper and more serious issues going on. Take a step back and take a really long hard look at your life, your marriage, your relationship at large. Don't focus on the symptom or curing the symptom, figure out what the actual disease is. Time for you to evaluate where you stand and how to take back some personal power in your life.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    From what I see, your husband and your "best friend" were eyeing each other up for sometime now. She has been an emotional support to him?

    Bull..they've been getting close behind your back.

    This to me, looks all like a ruse for them to have sex and you okay it.

    Both of them need to be ashamed of themselves for tricking you this way. You need to end the marriage and the friendship. I don't say that lightly either.

    The both betrayed you.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean... if you were for real just sitting at the edge of the bed crying and raging, that's not a threesome. I'm not sure how even the most open minded among us could spin that. It honestly would have been 1000x more respectful had they just met in private and got sweaty with just the two of them. And that's not me condoning it. That's just how ****ty what they did was.

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  6. #25
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    lol, the vast majority of people can't have threesomes......that's like cheating.

    Can this relationship survive? - some people can get over it, others can't. You'll just have to see. If you can get over it, it will have to stop. And he has to cut contact with the other woman. Keep going to counseling.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I mean... if you were for real just sitting at the edge of the bed crying and raging, that's not a threesome. I'm not sure how even the most open minded among us could spin that. It honestly would have been 1000x more respectful had they just met in private and got sweaty with just the two of them. And that's not me condoning it. That's just how ****ty what they did was.
    Exactly! It's not like she was actively participating. She was upset and was ignored.

    I echo what others have said: I believe he's been having an affair with your friend and wanted you to agree to the threesome so he could be physical with her but not be "cheating". I think there is a LOT more to their relationship than you know.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    This all seems very strange. Your husband doesn't seem respectful of you in general and I wonder if it's carried on throughout other areas of your marriage. I'm also not sure why he feels he needs the emotional support of a third party (outside of your marriage). She shouldn't be in your lives at all and this is no friend of yours if she's communicating with your husband about issues that you have very little idea about.

    I'm very sorry this is happening. I don't feel this marriage is salvageable based solely on the total lack of discretion and respect.

    I think it is possible to argue devil's advocate and explore different aspects but it's not realistic in the scope of a committed relationship. In other words, it's fine as armchair theorists but absolutely not ok in real life.

  9. #28
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    Thanks to everyone who offered insight. I truly appreciate your opinions and suggestions. It helps me believe they there are still good people out there who are willing to offer advice /help/offer constructive insightful other people (even strangers).

    I will continue with marriage counseling and see what happens. Again I appreciate everyone’s feedback as it has helped calm me and given me some suggestions and perspectives on how to process what happened, how to forward and how to focus on counseling and use it as tool to see what’s best for me going forward.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    If you're going to go to marriage counseling with him, I would focus less on getting him to apologize and focus more on uncovering secrets and building trust. You need full transparency. None of this "my friend is his emotional support" BS. He needs to drop that and block her, same with you.

    His lack of regret/remorse bothers me when he could see how much this 3some hurt you. It doesn't bode well, sorry.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    The husband is certainly painted in a bad light here.
    But after 20 years of marriage and the OP being ok with it that long. Is a threesome gone wrong really the issue?
    If he asked and his wife says NO - a hard no - not a playful "maybe" with a giggle, it should be off the table.
    I really think your marriage is over.
    Your bf is a bad friend for allowing your husband to confide in her. She should be redirecting the husband to you or telling him not to call her - all communication happens only through you or with you present.
    I have a feeling that something must be going on between them before the threesome and the threesome was just permission to cheat.

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