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Thread: Ex’s engagement party at our joint work

  1. #1

    Ex’s engagement party at our joint work

    So recent my ex got engaged and is having his party at ¬ďour¬Ē work. My two best friends have said they will be attending this party and my work are demanding I work despite me thinking that¬ís a slap in the face from all three of them?

    So me and him worked together in a small bar for a year when we got together for a year n a half. We also live in the same street and run into each other daily. In that time I loved him deeply despite him making my life a hell, lying to his family and friends and our colleagues about us saying it was just sex even tho it wasn¬ít about sex, he was the one chapping at my window after work some nights if I¬íd left without him😂😴 . He got drunk one night and hit me for no reason. He would bit h about me at work.

    so anyway we split tried to be freinds and when he got in a relationship with another one of our neighbours🙄 a year of us not talking at work now, earlier in the year the girlfriend stopped me and was very patronising to me.

    I don’t love him anymore but I do have strong hate for him and how he treated me but changed for her. How long my heart broke for..I left my other job and had a breakdown when we first split then pulled myself together went back to work.

    Am I wrong for being angry at my best friends for attending this party? They aren¬ít freinds with either of them but their boyfriends are freinds with my ex. They told me they wont be their to celebrate just to accompanying their partner...so I¬ím expected to work and watch my ex and my freinds being happy without me, feeling ty like am I even apart of your lives🤘

    Cause In my eyes I¬íd tell any of them cummon girl I got ya, let¬ís go out and get drunk or do something fun!🤷🏼♀️ No?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    Personally, I would not attend the party if the same happened to my best friend. That goes against the friend code.

    I think that you need to address your choices in friends and bfs. You should have left this jerk after he first cheated. Why was it okay if it had just been sex? I would also suggest getting some help for the abuse you suffered, to understand why you stayed in this abusive relationship.

    Why are you still working with this guy?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Well, I'm very sorry you are hurting and in time, and you not dwelling anymore on any of it, you will be indifferent to him and anything going on in his life.

    I think if you put it in a more realistic way, you'll be able to accept things better and then move on to being glad you're not with him and that she's his problem now. Men who abuse women (or vice, versa) usually don't change much so she is going to find out sooner or later that he's not who she thinks he is. Further: Why do you think what you had with him was more than just sex? Men who tell other men that what they have with someone is just sex, then that is the way he is viewing it. That's totally disrespectful and I hope that you have worked on your confidence and self-worth so that you see those kinds of red flags in the future and quickly stop seeing anyone that would talk like that about you. Also: Him knocking on your window late at night or after work (whenever that may end) is looking for a booty call. Knocking on your window instead planning something positive and fun to do with you is also quite disrespectful and I hope that you have grown to respect more for yourself in the future.

    As for your friends: They want to be with their boyfriends. It's that plain and simple. I would even venture to say that they are too insecure in their relationships to trust their partner alone at a party without them. (perhaps?). Besides you will be working that night so hopefully they will encourage and support you through that night if they are there.

    Be strong, head high. Don't let him see you any other way but confident, happy that he's out of your life and her problem now while you be totally professional in your responsibility at work that night.

    Let us know how it goes after you have mustered up the courage to let this go and leave him in the past where he belongs. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's INDIFFERENCE and you're not at that stage yet so make it your goal to get to the stage of indifference.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He hit you. That's a MAJOR deal breaker.

    He won't change for the other woman. Something will happen. It may not be the same story as yours but he'll do something bad to her eventually.

    You can't control what your friends do just like my in-laws co-mingle with relatives who've wronged me sorely. Neither one of can control who people choose to be with in social settings. I know there should be loyalty among friends and family but it's unrealistic to expect allegiance and allies among mutual people in our midst.

    Just work, do your job and learn to ignore. Don't pay attention to the party, your ex and friends. Don't look in their direction. Don't care nor emotionally invest yourself into others who don't have anything to do with at the moment. Concentrate and focus on working.

    Be with your friends some other time and consider your ex history. Don't bad mouth your ex to your friends. Remain neutral and move on with your life. Play it safe. That's what I would do. Be prudent.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    This is actually a very easy issue to solve, call in that day. Every employee is given the right to take leave. Use it.

    The emotional part is a bit more complicated because while you donít love him anymore you have not let go or healed and until you do everything this man does will eat at you.

    I wouldnít want to attend an exes engagement party myself, if no one respects that, you have to look out for yourself and your mental wellbeing.

    Take care of yourself.

  7. #6
    So I didnít work there for a year after the split I went back to work because I loved my job and I decided why should I have to leave my job because of him. I was no longer in love with him and we do work well together even if itís in silence. The staff have told us this to our faces aswell, I never work singularly with him I always chose not to do those shifts or shifts where he is in charge.

    Thanks for agreeing about the freind code thing!

    Tonight I was working, he was not in but she was in drinking and every time I had a smoke break sheís come out and upto whoever I was talking to cut off what I was saying. I left and told the person I needed to get back to work and then she continued to tell the person Iíd been chatting with that I was still in love with him 🤷🏼♀️🙄 Iím not and Iím just trying to live my best life doing what makes me happy

  8. #7
    Iím over it, living my best life doing everything I can to improve my life. Iíve grown so much in confidence and know the real value of self love and care.

    When he did use to tell other people it was just sex I would confront him about it and he would deny it. At the time I believed he didnít say it but after his girlfriend had been talking to my sister one night, the girlfriend had brought me up about it just being sex. My sister said no they were together for over a year and it all kicked off that night, my ex was in a rage and ed to all the staff and was furious with me that she had found out even though I hadnít told her or even spoke to her that night🤷🏼♀️

    I wouldnít even say I hate him if Iím honest I go about my life do my job mind my own business donít talk to either of them unless we have to at work and we are very civil at work and work well: our bosses have told me this that despite our differences we work fab and never have an issue.

    Tonight I was working, he was not and the girlfriend felt the need to keep interrupting me talking to customers, following me out the back for smoke breaks and totally cutting off my conversations with people even though I made no interaction with her and didnít rise to it

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by JupiterRain
    So I didnít work there for a year after the split I went back to work because I loved my job and I decided why should I have to leave my job because of him. I was no longer in love with him and we do work well together even if itís in silence. The staff have told us this to our faces aswell, I never work singularly with him I always chose not to do those shifts or shifts where he is in charge.

    Thanks for agreeing about the freind code thing!

    Tonight I was working, he was not in but she was in drinking and every time I had a smoke break sheís come out and upto whoever I was talking to cut off what I was saying. I left and told the person I needed to get back to work and then she continued to tell the person Iíd been chatting with that I was still in love with him 🤷🏼♀️🙄 Iím not and Iím just trying to live my best life doing what makes me happy
    That sounds awful! I would still seek another job.

    Good luck.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do not make friends take sides or alienate your friends. You can't tell people who to be friends with, it's not your call. It would be better to get some therapy if you think you were in an abusive relationship and if you still have this much hate/anger and can't move forward. Work toward your own healing, not Machiavellian alliances.
    Originally Posted by JupiterRain
    Am I wrong for being angry at my best friends for attending this party?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JupiterRain
    Iím over it, living my best life doing everything I can to improve my life. Iíve grown so much in confidence and know the real value of self love and care.

    When he did use to tell other people it was just sex I would confront him about it and he would deny it. At the time I believed he didnít say it but after his girlfriend had been talking to my sister one night, the girlfriend had brought me up about it just being sex. My sister said no they were together for over a year and it all kicked off that night, my ex was in a rage and ed to all the staff and was furious with me that she had found out even though I hadnít told her or even spoke to her that night🤷🏼♀️

    I wouldnít even say I hate him if Iím honest I go about my life do my job mind my own business donít talk to either of them unless we have to at work and we are very civil at work and work well: our bosses have told me this that despite our differences we work fab and never have an issue.

    Tonight I was working, he was not and the girlfriend felt the need to keep interrupting me talking to customers, following me out the back for smoke breaks and totally cutting off my conversations with people even though I made no interaction with her and didnít rise to it
    Girl, denial isnít just a river in Egypt, all this is drama, easily solved, very easily just a few simple changes, we can always choose not to engage in drama but again you have not let go yet so you are smack dab in the middle of it all and unfortunately, youíre on the losing end.

    Time to take a step back and work on actually healing. You can talk a big game till the cows come home, but you made sure to mention twice now your encounter with his fiancť, she clearly bothers you.

    We canít change what we donít acknowledge. You gotta be honest with yourself and acknowledge where you are in your healing, and take steps to guard yourself emotionally, no job is worth your mental health.

    and to add, I acutially agree with friend code and all that but after a year, I can kinda see how everyoneís moved on, the only people who seem to have not is you and his fiancť and maybe him, if your bosses have to make a point to comment on you two getting along, Iíd assume itís safe to say there was a ton of drama surrounding the both of you. Itís just not normal for bosses to be that involved in breakups, know what i mean? Again way too much drama easy fix but you have to be at that point.

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