Onward.

[Fudgie]

I've decided to start being more active on ENA and keeping a journal again, mostly to bounce ideas off people, share things that happen, talk to others, etc. I rarely ever use social media - I'm over it. I've missed being around and I've had a very hectic 2 years but have accomplished a lot. My 30th b-day is around the corner and I've been reflecting about changes in my life and the things I've done.

*Went to back to school, did a crazy degree, finally got a well-paying job. Stressful but it's manageable, I work long hours but get loads of time off
*Want to go back to school so I can make even more $$ - but work pays for this and I can work while I go so yay.
*Ended a 3 year relationship with K. I have my own apartment back again.
*About 40 lb or so from goal weight. (still saggy, need surgery but oh well)
*Found a lost cousin, got back in touch, we are very close now.


It's been a few months since the end of my relationship and I don't really have feelings of missing him but also am not really keen on dating again. My coworkers are all on Tinder/Bumble and sometimes make comments about me joining, saying that maybe I should, but I just laugh it off and ignore them. I don't mean to sound pessimistic but part of me is wondering "What is the point?".

I am spending a lot more time with family and I'm finding that it fills a social void for me, especially since my two closest local friends are just really wrapped up in wedding planning. I need to make more local friends though.

Overall though, my life is really looking up. I enjoy living alone (I even hired a MAID service!!! I LOVE IT!), I cook good, nutritious food. My car runs great still. I have hobbies that I enjoy and I started to read more. I spend my days doing what I want to do. Right now I'm still in bed (small back injury) and I'm going to get some yogurt and berries, maybe watch some TV/listen to music.

[WithLove]

Ahhh, so good to see you back, Fudge. I've missed you.

I wish I had your dedication in, like, everything. I'm back in school, too, but I'm struggling. It's an online class and there's just a LOT more work than I thought. My next class starts in about a week; it's a math class and I will be going to the actual college for it, but I'm even more worried about the workload.

Still struggling with weight, too. I broke my ankle playing roller derby and needed surgery (bimalleolar fracture) and it's been hard getting back to where I can exercise. For me, it feels useless to eat well unless I know I'm pairing exercise with it, so I've been on an embarrassing carb intake and I just can't seem to shake that.

How is Fat Girl?

[Fudgie]

It's good to be back and I missed you too. :)

Honestly, I think going back to school is just really rough in general when you're working. I'm a little nervous about going back but most of the class stuff is all online, at least until I get further along and then I may go part time for a bit because I'll need to start working clinical hours (unpaid, of course) for school. Do you have to do a lot of writing for your class? Do you have mandated "log in" times? Or is it more self-paced?

I'm really motivated by money and that's what makes it worth it to me. I should be able to almost double my salary and I'd be very in demand. I want to settle down and get a house someday, somewhere more remote in the country. So going back to school will make this much easier to obtain.

Diet wise, I'm actually REALLY lucky. I hurt my back recently and while I'm on vacation, I'm resting up. I was kind of stuck a relative's place for like a week, unable to drive back due to the pain. It was SO bad. Anyway, my cousin, who eats really healthily, cooked for me all week and I ate well. But I basically didn't have any carby food for a week and it felt fantastic. I already got rid of a lot of K's junk foods when he left but I had been indulging in some bread lately so when I got home, I chucked that too.

The "detox" period I think it's the worse, although I didn't feel much of it because I was too busy being in pain. Now I'm doing a lot better and I want to continue the trend. I heated up some sausages and ate some yogurt/berries for brunch, sipping on coffee now.

One of the things I ate that I really enjoyed over the past week was healthy, homemade "Alfredo" sauce and shirataki (tofu) noodles. I've had these noodles before but I apparently was buying the wrong brand because when my cousin made it, he used a different one and it tasted SO much better. Seriously, very, very close to real pasta, unlike the ones I had before, and I had almost a double helping so that was about 60 calories plus the sauce calories. I just sucked it all down - delicious.

I stocked up on more of those noodles with the right brand this time.

Fat girl is, well, fat girl :) I'll have to post a pic or something. She is being a good girl and is taking good care of me. She checks on me and sits very close so I can be monitored.

[WithLove]

It's module-based, with classwork from each module due on Wednesdays, and the professor set it so that you can't unlock future modules til you finish the one before. So it's like, you can't miss one because you'll stall the rest of the class assignments for yourself and just be late on everything. So it kind of sets you up with a ton of pressure to complete everything and I'm not great with pressure, I'm learning. What I did in the beginning was make myself work on assignments for an hour each night so I wouldn't get so stressed, but the workload increased a lot after the first two weeks, so I'm like drowning now. I need to devote more time to school, but I have other obligations too that I'm not willing to give up that are good for my mental and physical health.

I was telling K the other day that I wish there was a way to get rid of certain addictions in your brain - like a med you could take or even a surgery that erases or deadens the addiction center of the brain. Because sugar addiction is a thing and I suffer it every day...

[Fudgie]

Oh that sounds like pain in the butt. I have a feeling mine will be set up in a similar way. Do you think you may need to dedicate 2 hours a day or so to school? See, for me, I work 12 hr shifts so I am not going to work on days/nights that I work so I'll have to spend a few hours on my days off. Not ideal but oh well. Maybe I can plan "breaks" by cramming a lot of stuff/assignments out ahead of time and then allow myself a few day breaks.

There are some meds out there that help with weight loss and cravings, but of course, side effects are there. Nothing is fool proof. My past surgery definitely helps me with hunger/cravings but it's not a cure-all. Would be nice if there were one but there isn't.

For me, I am just trying to focus on eating lots of good veg (fresh and frozen), berries and other lower sugar fruits, LOTS of protein (meat, eggs, fish), and limit carb intake.

Right now, though, this damn back. I just strained a muscle. It sucks. I have a few more days left of vacation so I have more time to heal up but it's really annoying.

[mines]

Always great to see your posts, I really have missed you here on the forum!

Good for you about the salary increase, good job, and cleaning service, amen to that! That's cool about reconnecting with your cousin too and getting healthier in eating! All good things!

What are you doing now that is more stressful? Not meaning to be nosey - in case you don't want to be too specific - I just recall you were/are? in the healthcare field.

I have a good running friend (nearly my age, mid fifties) on Bumble - she has met some really great guys there. And also a jerk, lol, but she still likes him so I keep my mouth shut! :) I installed the app three times and un-installed it the next morning, haha. I'm just not really interested in dating again - I love the peace of having my heart belong to no one - other than my daughters and my grand-doggie :)

Looking forward to reading new posts from you! Hope your back injury heals swiftly!!!

[WithLove]

I took the weight loss meds a few years back, and whenever I think about trying them again, I go back and read in my journal how awful the side effects were. I won't do that to myself again!

I spent about 3 hours on homework today.

[WithLove]

Re: dating again, you're young and have plenty of time to do that if that's what you decide you want. Not sure if you remember, but I joined a Meetup group for tabletop gaming and it ultimately led me to my current group of friends, and eventually where I met K. So, you never know what'll happen. I didn't join Meetup to date, I joined it to make more friends and be more social.

[Fudgie]

Always great to see your posts, I really have missed you here on the forum!

Good for you about the salary increase, good job, and cleaning service, amen to that! That's cool about reconnecting with your cousin too and getting healthier in eating! All good things!

What are you doing now that is more stressful? Not meaning to be nosey - in case you don't want to be too specific - I just recall you were/are? in the healthcare field.

I have a good running friend (nearly my age, mid fifties) on Bumble - she has met some really great guys there. And also a jerk, lol, but she still likes him so I keep my mouth shut! :) I installed the app three times and un-installed it the next morning, haha. I'm just not really interested in dating again - I love the peace of having my heart belong to no one - other than my daughters and my grand-doggie :)

Looking forward to reading new posts from you! Hope your back injury heals swiftly!!!

I LOVE having a cleaning service. I have the ladies come once a month. The first real "Deep clean" took like 4 hours but I was only charged 200 and a bit. Now they come once a month. It's a super deep clean (even the microwave/oven) and they even do a little bit of organizing. I gave the office a copy of my keys so they can come in even when I'm not here.

Without getting into too much detail, yes, I still work in healthcare. I work in an intensive care unit exclusively now. My job can be stressful but overall, it's not so bad. I manage it okay. LOTS of death though. Overall though, I like my job. My boss is great, my coworkers are helpful and I am helpful back. I'm kind of known as a bit of a loner odd duck (in my spare time at work, I can be found reading news articles, not socializing) but my coworkers accept me and that's what matters to me.

I think Bumble is the one where the woman has to reach out to the man first, correct? I guess there are some bad apples everywhere, huh?

I'm definitely enjoying being single. And not even from a "yay I get to flirt with who I want" aspect, because while I could do that, I'm not doing that. I just like having my space and spending my time how I want to.

It's great to hear from you, mines. Enjoy your family! I wish I had a dog :)

I took the weight loss meds a few years back, and whenever I think about trying them again, I go back and read in my journal how awful the side effects were. I won't do that to myself again!

I spent about 3 hours on homework today.

I remember when you went onto those meds - you were really, really struggling. Not worth it, nope nope. A lot of those drugs contain crazy amounts of caffeine and other stimulants. It's just not healthy and will make you feel awful.

Good for you spending that much time on homework! I intend on sending a couple emails today re: my application to go back to school. I will make sure I do that today. Yay for being productive.

I actually am on MeetUp! I also am in a tabletop group. I actually have a few friends from there, had a couple come over to my place to play games (with and without K). No one would be interested in dating but game friends regardless. I am on the lookout for other groups to join, just for fun things. At this point, if I can be honest, if a guy came onto me and we clicked, I don't think I am in a place emotionally where I can healthily enter a relationship. I feel kind of jaded and just "over it" right now. Maybe that will change in the future, maybe not, who knows.

[WithLove]

Good for you spending that much time on homework! I intend on sending a couple emails today re: my application to go back to school. I will make sure I do that today. Yay for being productive.

Thank you! I actually spent about another hour after that finishing up last week's module. I've got until 11:59 pm on Thursday to do this week's stuff, and I know it won't be as note-taking heavy as last week, because the professor puts a little "this is what to expect in your next module" thing at the end of each module week, to better have you be prepared in how much time to spend that week, I guess. One cool thing is that she made a bunch of helpful templates for us to download, so that for future classes that require us to write papers in MLA, we've got a template already done in the correct format. She's been super helpful in giving us tools to use later.