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Thread: Onward.

  1. #51
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    Whatever continues making you happier and enjoying life more, keep on doing it. This is one of the great parts about not being a confused youngin' anymore (not that you're even close to old, but comparatively, you know?) It takes a while to figure yourself out and even longer to be comfortable with it, and it sounds like you're hitting that stride.

    Don't ever let anyone push you into being something you're not. Keep pursuing happiness. Keep doing you, bud.

    As your journal title fittingly puts it: Onward.

  2. #52
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Sometimes I have doubts about my job. I see people die every week from awful, unfixable injuries. But honestly that doesn't bother me more than this: More than half of the time, I feel like I'm just taking care of corpses. Rotting corpses that have a heart beat (barely), but nothing else, kept alive by machines. Boring, repetitive tasks, chugging away at the futile.

    I went back through a computer record of patients I have cared for and I am not kidding, over 60% of them are dead (died from what they came in with or the family decided to let them go) and most of the rest are permanently disabled.

    I feel like this work is pointless and sometimes, I feel like I'm complicit in this suffering. If most of these people were getting better, I'd feel better but they are not.

    My coworkers are nice but I am not close with anyone at work. I don't have a real rapport with any of them. I keep to myself. I honestly think they like this job way more than I do because they can socialize a ton with each other (and they do) and I don't. I'd rather be focused and engaged just on work. I focus on work but honestly, I am bored a lot with the tasks. I can't imagine staying in this job for 5+ years. The idea makes my skin crawl.

    Why do I stay? Because the pay is f___ing great, I have flexible self scheduling, and the tuition benefits.

    The key is this: if I am going to be doing a thankless, pointless job, I want more money, M-F day shifts, more autonomy, etc. This is why I am applying to go back to school. I keep telling myself this.

    I am very good at not bringing my work home. I push thoughts of work from my mind as soon as I leave and keep things very professional and detached.

    I guess I just needed to vent. I've been working a ton over the past several days, night shifts too. I'm worn out and ready for several days off.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I absolutely love going to Canada. It's a place I've visited frequently, starting when I was young. It's to be near the border too. I recently got a pass that allows to use special lanes so it usually takes me 1-2 min to get over the border.

  4. #54
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    Lucky you. I'd love to be able to travel to Canada so easily. For um... herbal reasons. I'm about that Canadian nature, you know? They have a leaf on their flag for a reason. They just derped and put the wrong leaf, but easy mistake to make.

    I've also just had good experiences with Canadians. In general, they seem super chill and nice.

    I look forward to discussing what we think of the new Tool album in the near future, bud.

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  6. #55
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Smokables are currently legal in Canada, edibles are not... yet but coming soon. Important for out of towners who don't want to pay $200 in hotel cleaning fee, haha.

    What kills me about Canada now is that while that's legal and readily accessible, the alcohol prices SUCK. I mean, just awful. I don't get half the selection that I do back home and the prices are easily 2x or more what I pay. When I come to Canada, I usually will bring wine with me to drink. I declare at the border, no problem.

    Canadians are super chill and nice for the most part. Breath of fresh air for me. I laugh when I see the electronic signs of buses "Out of order - Sorry". So polite!

    Can't wait til Tool album drops! Of course we'll have to discuss it!

  7. #56
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    It's funny how different people are from other parts of the country and just over the border. I'm recently back from Portland and southern Washington, and the people are just so different. There's almost no pressure on looks or money, which is what it's like here in FL. Smokables and edibles are legal and maybe that's the difference? People aren't as high-strung.

    Ugh, Tool. They're too repetitive for me to enjoy. I really wanted to like them, honest. Just can't do it.

  8. #57
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    It's been almost 6 months since I ended my last relationship, I realized, recently. I've really thrown myself into work. I'm interviewing for a 2nd job, not full time, just want some extra hours here and there. Applied to school, let's hope I get in.

    Keep on keeping on!

  9. #58
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    I have no doubts that you'll get in. You've got the education and an impressive resume. No worries!

    So what foods are you into currently? Lately I've been on a pineapple kick.

  10. #59
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I got the 2nd job! I'll start picking up more time in the later fall, not now or anything. It's actually cake compared to my regular, full time job so I'm looking forward to making some decent easy money.

    I made some sugar-free muffins. Okay, not completely sugar free but I used a special protein-packed flour that is lower in carb and bananas and dark chocolate. I added NO other sugar or sugar substitute. No butter even, just yogurt. The muffins came out very well and were not too sweet at all. Perfect with coffee. I ended up freezing them and eating them for breakfast over the course of 2 weeks or so.

    Tonight I am going to make more. I bought more bananas and have been waiting all week for them to "Turn". The riper the banana, the more better the muffin. I don't use them until they are mostly brown! I just buy cheap bananas and put them aside and just let them sit.

  11. #60
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    To add too, I also applied for a graduate program. It's local and I plan to do it while I work. It's very doable and it's a program that is designed for people like myself. Luckily, I have a flexible schedule and I'm also buddy-buddy with my scheduler (not ACTUALLY buddy-buddy) it's a "You scratch my back, I scratch yours kinda deal". I do some favors for her in being flexible with my own scheduling when things come to a crunch with other coworkers and stuff NEEDS to be covered and since she is a fair individual, the end result is I get mostly what I want!

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