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Thread: Onward.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You sound so good Fudgie.
    Welcome back.

  2. #12
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    Out of curiosity, what's the reason you have for feeling jaded when it comes dating/romance? Do you feel that you perhaps allow yourself to remain dissatisfied within your relationship for too long before you decide to end it? As in, you allow too long for people to change and then it doesn't happen and you feel you've wasted a lot of time and energy into a person where those could have been focused towards more productive and self-serving ways?

    I feel like it might be the case that you need to trust your own judgement on the state of your relationships earlier and learn to accept that most people are who they are and aren't going to change, regardless of the potential you see in how they could be. Does that make sense? And apologies if I'm assuming a bit much here.

    It's just from my perspective you seem to enter into LTRs where there's something instinctually off for a long time before you decide it's time to give up.

    I totally understand being uninterested in looking for love and feeling like it's better to be single for a while, but I guess I'm just wondering if you've considered changing your approach to dating and either enjoying it in a more casual sense, or being willing to accept incompatibilities earlier and be more decisive and firm on what you want and need from a partner?

    Obviously breaking a heart is never easy but it's a lot better to do it as soon as you feel it's most likely not gonna work. You know? And that's coming from the guy that's always the dumpee.

    Also, welcome back and I'm really happy to hear about how well things have been going for you. Sounds like you're killing it and good for you. I'm jealous of your ambition and your resolve.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    One cool thing is that she made a bunch of helpful templates for us to download, so that for future classes that require us to write papers in MLA, we've got a template already done in the correct format. She's been super helpful in giving us tools to use later.
    The templates are going to be very, very helpful. I normally have only written in APA (from my science background, go figure) but I'll let you in on a secret: I have NEVER actually made my own bibliography. Never! I use online-generated ones. I put in all of the info for each of my sources and press a button and bam, formats each source into APA (but can also do MLA), in the correct format depending on the type of source (book, website, etc.) and even orders everything alphabetically for me. Very helpful. If you ever need anything like that for a paper, let me know and I can find something for you. Life is too short for small stuff like that.

    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    You sound so good Fudgie.
    Welcome back.
    Thanks! I am feeling really good! It's good to see you. :)

    Originally Posted by LikeWater
    Out of curiosity, what's the reason you have for feeling jaded when it comes dating/romance? Do you feel that you perhaps allow yourself to remain dissatisfied within your relationship for too long before you decide to end it? As in, you allow too long for people to change and then it doesn't happen and you feel you've wasted a lot of time and energy into a person where those could have been focused towards more productive and self-serving ways?

    I feel like it might be the case that you need to trust your own judgement on the state of your relationships earlier and learn to accept that most people are who they are and aren't going to change, regardless of the potential you see in how they could be. Does that make sense? And apologies if I'm assuming a bit much here.

    It's just from my perspective you seem to enter into LTRs where there's something instinctually off for a long time before you decide it's time to give up.

    I totally understand being uninterested in looking for love and feeling like it's better to be single for a while, but I guess I'm just wondering if you've considered changing your approach to dating and either enjoying it in a more casual sense, or being willing to accept incompatibilities earlier and be more decisive and firm on what you want and need from a partner?

    Obviously breaking a heart is never easy but it's a lot better to do it as soon as you feel it's most likely not gonna work. You know? And that's coming from the guy that's always the dumpee.

    Also, welcome back and I'm really happy to hear about how well things have been going for you. Sounds like you're killing it and good for you. I'm jealous of your ambition and your resolve.
    Oh definitely. You're not being overly assumptive at all. I am guilty of definitely not heeding my gut and staying in a relationship long past its expiration date. That is my fault; I own up to that. It's not that I don't know my gut feeling. I look back and I can see where I have actually recognized those feelings and perhaps why I was having them. However, I am guilty of making choices to bury them and take a "wait and see" attitude. I think I ended up wasting a lot of time.

    One of the reasons why I opted to stall and wait and see is because I find it difficult to connect with people in a meaningful way and I also have trouble finding people who would fit into my lifestyle goals. I would wager that MOST men out there, I have no interest in and they don't have interest in me. People don't really seem to understand, once you say "No marriage, no kids EVER, and I don't care if you're divorced but PLEASE don't have small children", you really, really limit your options. Especially at my age. Add in the fact that I like more nerdy guys, well, as you can see, the pool has turned into a small puddle of available matches. So when I've met someone that I really like and truly ENJOY spending time with and I feel that they are mostly compatible with me, I don't usually cut them loose so cavalierly.

    With K, he was making active changes in the beginning. He seemed self-motivated and he would be doing well for a while and then things just got worse. It made it hard that we were genuinely good friends and shared a lot of interests, interests that I usually don't find with other men in the first place, or at least men that I would consider dating. I definitely overstayed my time in that relationship and that sucks but there's nothing I can do about it now.

    As you said, and you are very right: It's important to recognize and judge someone on face value, who they show themselves to be, not potential and not promises.

    Right now, I'm feeling jaded and cynical. I don't think the breakup precipitated this, I think I started feeling this way about a year ago. As I'm turning 30, I feel these feelings just crystallizing more. No sadness, just cynicism with a dash of rueful laughter when I look back at the more recent past. What did I get out of this? Headaches, major financial expenses (especially with getting him out, but that's beside the point), near complete lack of a sex life for over half a year, feeling lost, feeling "stuck", feeling beyond frustrated, etc. What was the point, really? What am I supposed to be getting out of these relationships anyway? What am I willing to put up with for the very long term? Do I actually WANT to have to "put up" with things long term or would I be happier just staying single? These are questions I have to answer for myself. I have no animosity towards men - quite the opposite. I am very attracted to men and don't fault them. I am more cynical about the whole process of dating and what a relationship would look like for myself, should I go that route again.

    The truth is, there are many things about me that may make it harder for me to find someone and I am limited in what I can give a partner. This is not me putting myself down. I am proud of who I am and will not change for anyone. I will not be a wife, I cannot be a mother, I am domestic for myself only (no desire to be cleaning up after someone else), I am not really romantic, I have limited patience for "emotional labor", etc. I can make my own money. I can make my own life and I have my own hobbies.

    I need to stay true to myself and not let myself talk myself out of my gut feelings. I know for right now, I am completely 100% turned off to dating anyone or even just looking around. In terms of being "casual", do you mean in terms of having casual sex? I've tried to wrap my mind around that, to consider it as a possibility, but I remain terrified of STDs and I just can't do it. It's just not worth the risk. I've never had casual sex and I don't think I can.

    In summary, I just feel like I've given a lot of myself over the years and didn't get much back. I am tired and don't feel that my time was well-spent. I don't want to make the same mistake again. On the other hand, I am not seeing the real benefits of trying again - I am not sure of what I want a partner to offer and I don't know what I can offer at this time.

    Anyway, sorry to make this really long, it's late and I'm rambling.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    It's super late (I'm staying up, switching to a more nocturnal schedule for work coming up soon) and I got a BIG carb craving for some reason so I made those shirataki noodles I was talking about earlier. I washed them a bunch, including in some lemon juice (to combat the alkaline juice they get shipped in, blech) and then boiled them for 3 min. Freaking perfect, tasted and felt just like ramen to me. I added a touch of salt/pepper and added a cooked egg and let the yolk bleed all over the noodles. It was fantastic. I had 2 servings and with everything, it was about 120 calories for the bowl of "noodles", next to no carbs, protein from the egg, and some fiber. Totally worth it. I need to stock up because I think I'm going to make this a semi regular thing. I can't remember the last time I got to have noodles like this and I can't believe it tastes this good.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Re: MLA, they just updated the rules, and a lot of websites won't have the newest updates, so there's always a chance that I'd have the wrong information if I do it that way. So I'd rather do it according to my textbook, which is new.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member sophie274's Avatar
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    You sound like you’re doing really well Fudgie - in all aspects of life. Glad to hear it!

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    Re: MLA, they just updated the rules, and a lot of websites won't have the newest updates, so there's always a chance that I'd have the wrong information if I do it that way. So I'd rather do it according to my textbook, which is new.
    Ah, that's a good point. I didn't realize that MLA had changed recently. Well by all means, I would definitely use your templates then. I'm sure the sites I had in mind may be out of date, at least for MLA. Luckily APA for me didn't change too much, at least not that I know of! I'm sure I'll have to write some papers for school in the future so I'll have to see if I can find an updated biblio maker.

    Originally Posted by sophie274
    You sound like you’re doing really well Fudgie - in all aspects of life. Glad to hear it!
    Thanks sophie! How is life treating ya?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I recently discovered the joys of high milkfat yogurt. Of course, I can't find the brand I like in the US so I have my relative get me the good stuff from over the border.

    It's insane how much I love this stuff. I eat less than a cup at a time. There is no sugar, it's completely plain, full fat, and it tastes SO AMAZING. I am seriously in love with this yogurt. I eat it over berries, fresh or frozen, don't care. It fills me up and I feel so good when I eat it.

    Seriously, I could eat this EVERY day for breakfast and in all honesty, I have been! I just love it that much.


    Anyway, enough about that.

    I'm staying up late tonight to "switch" my sleep schedule back to a night one for the next 2 weeks. So basically just a night of light caffeine intake, farting around on my computer/console, reading, etc. I'm of half a mind to turn on my Uber Eats app (this is what I did to make $$ during school when K lost his job for a spell, long story there) because there is a promotion going on. I don't drive much when I make deliveries and I just listen to podcasts the whole time so it doesn't feel like work. I'll need to have more caffeine first though, we'll see.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member sophie274's Avatar
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    Doing well thank you! One year of school down, 3 to go (plus all the training after but I prefer not to think about that too much 😂), and enjoying the short vacation I get!

  11. #20
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    Oooof, K lost his job for a bit? That must've been pretty detrimental for him (and worrisome for you).

    I have a friend that does Uber (regular, not Eats) and she really enjoys it, but she was telling me about her wages and it just didn't seem all that worth the extra wear and tear on her vehicle. *shrug*

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