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Thread: Should I stay and see how we can manage this for love or should I walk away?

  1. #11
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    Let's say he has no feelings for her and is really just looking out for her born of obligation to the father in law... Said he'd take care of her so he will... Even completely void of feelings I think there's simply a fair amount of baggage here that's detrimental to a new relationship with you.

    On one hand you'd have to admire his willingness to help someone out (assuming that's all it is) but it's also completely unreasonable of him to expect his new partner to be accepting of this in a new relationship.

    I'd bail.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I agree on leaving.
    He had stated the terms and by you staying, you've agreed to them.

  3. #13
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    You should walk away.
    Whether or not he still loves his ex-wife, he is not handling the situation very well. Men are not that difficult to understand: if he wants you to be his world, he will make you his world. Is he doing that?

    He probably feels like he owes his ex-wife. That is fine. It sounds like he is truly being kind and wants the best for her. It just doesn't sound like he has enough to give to both of you right now. Let him know that you are understanding of the situation, but also let him know that you are not going to sit around and wait for him to carry her through this.

  4. #14

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    @loyal Hi there, I know this is all so difficult my family spoke to his mom, and she is extremely worried about her son and all of this situation, he is not sleeping, this man has hypertension, everybody in his family spoke to him and told him that he cannot throw his life away for this situation and he promised his mom, that he was not going to abandon himself in all of this. but for what I see he is not sleeping, he is getting home, at 5 in the morning, today I saw that he went back home at 7 in the morning.

    I have a security camera system he installed in my phone so I can see all the movement in the house. He clearly is not taking care of himself.

    My family told me to go and stay at his house, and talk to him but without getting y, cause I do get frustrated, so I need to calm down and talk some sense into him, help him with the house, and see from there how he behaves around me.

    I like this idea but I want to do it because I want to test him and see if he really wants to stay with me and not breakup, cause he INSISTS that he does not want to break up with me and the needs me to be by his side on this situation and have patience , cause he does love and want a life with me.

    So I want to take his word and see what happens from there on, and also prove a point, that perhaps he does not know how to breakup with me and wants me TO DO IT, basically I eventually will get tired and break up with him, maybe he wants me to make that move


    Do you guys think that I should be by his side and see if he responds, or do you guys think that in reality he does not want me to be around and to leave him alone.
    he is calling me, he called me yesterday I was running some errands so it was a missed call, I texted him telling him that I was busy at the time that he called and that I would called him later, but I never called him back. My aunt did call him at night and he did not answer cause he was in the hospital. He has not replied back.

    Should I call him back? I am sure he was going to tell something about his ex getting worse, she is still in the hospital since Monday, she went to see her oncologist for the first time and he send her immediately to emergency and since then she has not gotten out of the hospital. His cousin is a doctor and she said the she gives this woman less than 3 months to live.

    He also told my grandfather that she was on a wait list for a lung transplant, which I believe is a waste of time.This cost so much money, you have to wait a long time, and is a very dangerous procedure. I really don't get this, especially on her condition.

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  6. #15
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    I can imagine that this situation is weighing so heavily on you! You should not be having to deal with this. You are not in a relationship with him so that he has someone to talk to about his ex. He doesn't need to involve you in her business. It almost sounds like he is trying to justify his actions by telling you all of these details.

    When it comes down to it, his ex is the one who initiated the divorce. When she did that, she gave up his devotion. If he can't see that, then he might be a bit of a wet noodle. Perhaps he thrives on stress? Or feeling needed?

    I would give him some space. Make it clear that you will give him the same that he gives you. When he realizes just how little he is giving you, chances are he will reevaluate his actions!

  7. #16
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    @loyal, A good friend told me that if he insists so much that he does not want to leave you and loves you, and for me to have patience and be by HIS SIDE etc etc, to take his word and test his word-actions behavior and be all eyes and ears.

    The real confusion I have is, why does he not want to break up with me if he has so much going on, the big question for him is how is he going to balance his time with me and all of this, cause know one on their right mind would expect their girlfriend/boyfriend to remain just waiting no contact, no time, how is this? What in the world is he thinking??

  8. #17
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    He doesn't want to break up with you because he does love you. And you are the stability that he seeks. He knows that you will be there when he finished with all of his other stuff. Or will you?
    It kind of seems like he doesn't fully believe that you are not a sure thing. Maybe you should ask him to put himself in your shoes? What if the situation were reversed? How would he feel? Chances are he would not be OK with it!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by leslielop
    @loyal, A good friend told me that if he insists so much that he does not want to leave you and loves you, and for me to have patience and be by HIS SIDE etc etc, to take his word and test his word-actions behavior and be all eyes and ears.

    The real confusion I have is, why does he not want to break up with me if he has so much going on, the big question for him is how is he going to balance his time with me and all of this, cause know one on their right mind would expect their girlfriend/boyfriend to remain just waiting no contact, no time, how is this? What in the world is he thinking??
    Much to do about what he wants and what's good for him.

    How about you? What's good for you? Does this arrangement meet your needs? Are you up for more of the same?

  10. #19
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    Its not about trying to figure out what he feels and making him prove anything, but your personal boundaries.
    I would make sure to have taken your things out of his house and don't get emotional. The things you need for day to day life and any jewelry.
    just say "you have a lot to sort out. I am going to take my things and go home for awhile while you do."
    You don't have to say "its over!!" just yet.
    Don't go on dates, don't go over there and don't let him come over.
    If he contacts you, don't answer right away. Don't play games - but don't answer when you have not collected yourself.
    Tell him "I can't be spending my time with you since you are so wrapped up with your ex. Do what you feel you have to do"
    In otherwords, give him space.

    Don't talk to his parents, or your parents about him and delete the security app so you can't spy on him. Spend time with your friends, catch up on things around your place that you can't because you are always with him.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Its not about trying to figure out what he feels and making him prove anything, but your personal boundaries.
    I would make sure to have taken your things out of his house and don't get emotional. The things you need for day to day life and any jewelry.
    just say "you have a lot to sort out. I am going to take my things and go home for awhile while you do."
    You don't have to say "its over!!" just yet.
    Don't go on dates, don't go over there and don't let him come over.
    If he contacts you, don't answer right away. Don't play games - but don't answer when you have not collected yourself.
    Tell him "I can't be spending my time with you since you are so wrapped up with your ex. Do what you feel you have to do"
    In otherwords, give him space.

    Don't talk to his parents, or your parents about him and delete the security app so you can't spy on him. Spend time with your friends, catch up on things around your place that you can't because you are always with him.
    Yes, space is the best thing for both of you right now, whether you will remain together in the future or not.

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